All posts by Born to Be

Unknown's avatar

About Born to Be

What's it about? Developing perceptions that can serve a greater purpose with big love. Jessica Nojek is a writer, teacher and life coach trained by successful author and teacher Debbie Ford. Her writing, coaching and artwork are about providing support and encouragement to live a life empowered by reflection on personal self perceptions and perceptions of the world around us. Her writing is intertwined with pop culture moments including music and film that serve as communication tools to demonstrate it's OK to laugh a little at ourselves. Her series, "Owning Your Uncool" features artists telling a piece of their story that inspires us to remember we are not alone in our own personal struggles, and we all feel a little "uncool" sometimes.

Knocking on Death’s Door

Attachment, Awareness, Buddhism, Life, Life Coach, oneness, Peace, Psychology, Reflection, self-help

Knocking on Death’s Door
By: Jessica Burnham

Think not disdainfully on death, but look on it with favor, for even death is one of the things that nature wills.
Marcus Aurelius Antonius, Meditations

The notion of death can be perceived in many ways. Kali the Hindu goddess is deemed the bearer of death and destruction. Many fear the idea of death and destruction that Kali embodies, without thinking about how important it is to our life. Without death and destruction our lives would not be a mirror for our evolution at all. We would remain without growth, enlightenment- and nothing would ever end. We would be living Bill Murray’s life as the eternal weather man in the film Groundhog Day, only it probably wouldn’t be quite that funny.

The great thing about Murray’s character in that film, is that he finally gets sick of trying to die and end everything without ever growing and seeing beyond his self centeredness- and realizes that he has this great opportunity to become something worth living for and for others. Would it not be amazing if we could look at our present life as the eternal Groundhog Day? That this life will continue on after our death, only in another form, and we would still experience the same old crap that we currently experience unless we decide to take hold of this amazing gift and use it for the highest good of all sentient beings?

Grace has given many of us experiences that show us how fleeting our current life is, and the wisdom to take heed. We can choose to use this life to its maximum capacity for our growth as evolving beings, and not only change the world in which we live in- but change the world others live in as well.

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. Mahatma Gandhi
This quote by Mahatma Gandhi says it all. “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” He certainly did, didn’t he? The thing is, we will live forever and if not in this life, or maybe in the next, we will all experience what we are meant to experience- the understanding that every moment is a moment of dying or ending. Only it is not the way our ego perceives dying. It is the end of something completed, only to give rise to the next step, phase, experience; yielding to us the present moment- a moment without attachment to anything in the past or future.

In my coaching work, we are taught to ask this question- what are you willing to risk or give up in order to accomplish your goal. I often think of this as- what are we willing to end? What pattern or addiction that we are attached to keeps us chained to our monkey mind’s demands- and does not provide opportunity for growth and evolution?

In Buddhism, they teach a lot about attachment. I was sitting on a plane returning home after visiting family for the holidays. I was reading a book about anger by Thubten Chodron, a Buddhist nun, and I looked over at my significant other wanting affection. I gave him affection- hoping for some in return and it was not granted. I felt bad inside, but didn’t say anything. Then I looked at my book and began reading again. I immediately came to a paragraph about attachment to relationships, and how they feed an expectation for affection. I laughed inside at how amazing the universe delivers these little tidbits when we need them most.

I chose to look inside myself and say- it is time for me to give up this attachment to this personal relationship, and all others. I can love without attaching my expectations and desires to this person. I made the choice for this addiction to end. And hopefully it will not carry over into the next life, if I can continue with my dedication to let go of my mind’s attachment. It is our attachment that makes death appear so daunting. If we were not attached to anything around us, then the idea of death would seem very simple- wouldn’t it? The fear of destruction would end- because change would be okay.

Think about it- this psychology- the fear of ending the fear of something ending. I know that sounds confusing at first- but it is a reality. How many of us really are afraid of ending the attachment to what fear does for us? What does your fear do for you? How does it give you the opportunity to hold onto things that you’ve outgrown? It is like having a co-dependant relationship with your inner demon. This co-dependant relationship is what creates our perceptual hell. Many people are afraid of death, because they don’t know what will happen after they die. But the truth is, we never know what will happen from moment to moment. All we can do is continue our evolution by letting go of our attachment to the fear of the unknown, what some people call death or destruction.

Our Universal Plan

Attachment, Life Coach, Peace, Psychology, self-help, transformation

Our Universal Plan
By: Jessica Burnham

You know that feeling? When you’ve had a really peaceful meditation, and it sticks with you throughout the entire day? You carry this beautiful energy through you like an electric current, and even the most annoying things- for some reason- don’t annoy you? And you sit there, in your car, and think- I wish I had this reaction every day!

Life is strange that way. But in its strangeness, when we are given gifts like that, it helps us see something different. And then our whole life has a different perspective when stress rears its ugly head. Perhaps this is what happens as we grow out of the mind’s streaming program into our bliss. Recently, as I was encountering my usual mood altering circumstances (like mind altering drugs I suppose- are they really different??), I felt this stream of peacefulness flowing through me and I realized all I had to say to myself was “This is what the universe has planned for me today.” When I heard this, all thoughts of restlessness, impatience, frustration dissolved in my consciousness. I saw something completely different, and it felt really good. I didn’t feel like I was being controlled by anyone and others’ circumstances- it just simply was. What was happening around me was not some conspiracy by my outside world to test me beyond acceptance.

Whatever that good feeling was by spirit’s definition, it basically felt good because it simply was the lack of negativity projected by my own issues. It was not anything beyond that. I was not striving for some ‘great’ feeling like we do with all our searches. What I realized is- this really is who I am. Inherently I am this peace. I am nothing beyond that- not even ‘good’. I simply am without my negativity born of karma and past experiences. The inherent desire to not want to deal with our garbage puts us into this delusion. Our resistance to seeing our flaws and our darkness, through shame, creates a deep bog that can become unbearable at times for our beingness.

Have you ever witnessed a confrontation and thought to yourself, why are they getting so upset? If someone said that to me, I wouldn’t get so upset. But then when someone does confront you in a similar way you find yourself agitated and angry, and defensive? And they say, why are you getting so upset (this is when the bubble pops over the character’s head and reads “Haven’t I heard this somewhere before”)? And you don’t want to admit to yourself that you’re getting upset by something that you’ve questioned someone else for getting so upset over. You are all of a sudden sandwiched, cornered by your own rejection. So you fight back, trying to get out of your corner.

What is even more interesting about this kind of situation, is how completely different we feel when someone else tells us what they see in our behavior. If we say it to our self, it has no meaning- but when someone else says it to us, we react. Why is it when another conscious being calls us on something we react, but it is okay for us to say something negative to our self? To take it a step further, why has our society taught us that self abuse is completely acceptable, but abuse from others is not?

Someone once told me that when the commandment ‘Thou shalt not kill’ was taught, its true meaning was that the soul could never be killed. No matter what we think when a body dies, the human experience disappears before us in that body- but it still exists, because we are still existing. We are a part of that soul’s experience- and in that oneness, nothing can ever die. Can the mind’s madness continuum ever dissolve like the body in death? I believe the answer to this is no. But- where we act from, and what we connect with inside can change. And this is what brings us peace in our lives. This is the lightness that we deserve.

Every day we venture out into the world, we are encountering a plan. Whether it was something we, as a part of the universe, thought of years ago, or thought of yesterday, the plan appears. But the plan can morph from day to day based on where our consciousness resides. What a relief to know that sometimes, the plan presents itself, rather than me always having to present a plan in some formal way like I am the delusional micromanager of my universe!

There remains a balance to achieve in our understanding of this concept. A balance that keeps us in check, so we are not always waiting for the next great plan to appear. Rather, we are constantly planning in all that we think and do, the catch is accepting the ones that don’t always seem so appealing without resistance. I think this is a deep accomplishment for all of us. Profoundness lies in being in this state of acceptance regularly. Encountering the happenings of every day life, without attachment to what should have happened and our expectations of what ‘good’ truly is.

Indecision Blues

Awareness, Change, Life, Psychology, self-help, transformation

Indecision Blues
By: Jessica Burnham

Then indecision brings its own delays,
And days are lost lamenting o’er lost days.
Are you in earnest? Seize this very minute;
What you can do, or dream you can, begin it;
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Faith and decision making- how do they relate to one another and how do we not allow our inability to trust ourselves and our faith in spirit to interfere with living our lives? How do we intertwine the trust we have in spirit, and the trust we have in our inner map so we don’t put up road blocks to opportunity and the flow of our greatness?

There is a fantastic character in the film called ‘Along Came Polly,’ that has the curse of never being able to make a decision. When Polly calls up her friend to set up a date, she will go around in circles for 20 minutes giving him several choices because making a solid decision about something as trivial as dinner is as painful as a root canal. It is extremely comical watching it in a film- but in real life, have you ever been in this situation, or had someone close to you do this with each decision making process in their life? Watching someone live their life like this, always with one foot out the door, can be a tortuous experience. Especially when you really care about that person, and you see their self sabotage move through not only their life but those close to them like lightning again and again.

I say lightning because it is paralyzing. When we cannot make a solid decision when given the opportunity, we paralyze ourselves. We never go anywhere and this begins to reflect in all aspects of our being, including our spiritual growth. There are many forms of indecision makers out there. Perhaps the most common is the person that believes that they have no power in their life, and the universe is only going to deliver to them what is ‘meant to be’. They are constantly watching for signs, and are distracted easily into the ‘next best thing’. This includes everything- jobs, healing, spiritual commitments, and relationships. Something happens in the sky, and they have to move to a new town. Okay, maybe that is a little drastic- but perhaps it is not?

When we receive a sign from the universe, our angelics, it is up to us to go inside and look through the glass with our inner knowing. This inner knowing serves as our antenna and the signals sent to it are pretty clear. It is our connection to everything around us, it is spirit. When we harness our power and let go of our fear of honoring our dreams and self judgment, making a decision suddenly becomes a much more simple process. We have this extraordinary gift called free will, and so many of us are afraid to use it. The gift of free will affords us experiences of all colors. Many include suffering, but so many more include the moments of revelation within our selves.

Stagnation is a transformative process in its own right. It transforms your desired outcome into stuck energy. This stuck energy clouds our mental capacity to see beyond our fears, and brings us nothing but wishes and unfulfilled hopes. If you don’t know what to do next- just doing something gets the juices flowing and the energy moving out of stagnation. It is like writer’s block. A writer can procrastinate sitting down and writing; because they fear they don’t know what to write about or what they write about will be perceived as schlock by their peers. But if they sit down and just start writing about some thought, some knowledge, then transformation takes place. When you succumb to the stagnation of your mind and its paralysis behind indecision, you are giving all your power away to the inability to become, constantly afraid of having nothing rather than something.

To become something doesn’t mean you have to be doing a hundred things at one time. That in itself happens much of the time out of fear of doing nothing in your life. It becomes a mechanism to feed your fears of being a ‘nobody’. When we sit and watch a flower over time grow with the seasons, bloom and open itself up to the sun, the elements, we are witnessing a subtle process of transformation. That is the way our lives are meant to be. Everything has its own steps, its own sequence of transformation. But when we become melancholy or overwhelmed with possibilities and the thought of making the ‘wrong’ decision, then we end up off the path to something much greater than our little power-tripping mind could ever dream of.

When Dorothy was lead to the yellow brick road in the Wizard of Oz, and she came to a cross roads, a very clear sign came to her- the Scarecrow. What if Dorothy sat there and said to her self, “Well, I don’t know if I can trust this guy. And, what if it isn’t a real sign from the universe leading to where I need to go? I don’t know. What should I do? Please give me another sign. I’d rather be safe and just sit here for who knows how long than do something I’m not completely sure of.” Then she would have sat there in front of a Scarecrow who claims he doesn’t have a brain, wondering, maybe I should have taken that offer a couple hours ago. We all know what happens after Dorothy makes many of her choices- a great adventure filled with meeting her darkest fears and greatest joys of friendship. And the outcome- I’d say a huge success.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said in the beginning quote, “Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.” The boldness to surrender your fears to the universe, to the great spirit within your heart and soul, and make a decision based on what you hear from inside, in meditation, from the joy that you are meant to be- now that is truly magical. Harnessing your power, as it was meant to be used and not abused- now that is truly magical. Let us all move beyond the stagnation of our minds and become rather than live in the possibility of becoming. So many people in this world and in the world’s past have been deprived of choices because of tyranny. It is our responsibility to take our given gifts in choices, and make them instead of fearing them.

My Emotional Insurance Policy

Forgiveness, Heal, self-help

My Emotional Insurance Policy
By: Jessica Ahlers

People purchase insurance as a form of protection that may be enacted when a crisis persists in a certain area of your life. Today, we have car, life, travel, health, and even legal insurance. I’m sure there are plenty more types of insurance plans out there that I’m not even aware of. We live in a world that teaches us that we need a backup plan- something that will be there for us when we are in a bind. How does this perception bleed into our personal life and relationships with others? How do we use the concept of emotional protection to put up blocks between us and people we care about as a form of insurance?

Another good question to ponder- what types of emotional blocks do we put up as a type of protection for ourselves, and a way to punish someone else for hurting us? The mind loves to fool us with its ideas of ‘what if”. When we engage with others in relationship and something happens that puts our emotional well being at risk, we have a choice of opening even further or putting up the barricade even higher. It is our choice. Do we want to shut out our light by putting our fear over it, or do we want to temporarily experience discomfort and then fully experience the light of our connections to others around us?

We have a rare opportunity in this life to blend our consciousness with those that appear to be separate. In this blending, we have a chance to really experience God in a more visceral way. But- how many of us see God only as joy, happiness, and rainbows? Is God absent in the friend that is suffering before us, or is this spiritual way of being ever more present? An even larger question to ponder- when we experience suffering due to another’s actions, how often do we think we’re rejecting that other person by closing off- instead of seeing that the only person we’re really depriving of love is ourselves.

Our world of emotional protection and guardedness has manifested into a suburbia that lacks community and connection. We have created a world of isolation. Here lies a world where very often, those that actually open up and try to reach a hand out to someone in a friendly conversation is deemed weird and someone to stay away from. They are labeled ‘needy’ because they need to open up, desire human contact.

The New York Times once reported that there was a group in Tulsa, Oklahoma, called “Resonance,” which promoted hugging as a force for healing. They chose to use this technique in their counseling because of studies that showed how being touched raised levels of hemoglobin in blood significantly. This in turn allowed for speedier recovery from illness. Amma, the ‘hugging’ saint from India, noted as an incarnation of the divine mother, gives hugs to show her deepest gratitude and love for the divinity within the human. This hug, this love, causes people to break down in tears because they are being held with such deep commitment by someone that in the outer world appears to be almost a stranger. What a gift?

Debbie Ford always stresses that our inner world is a microcosm of the outer world, or the macrocosm. The mind has succeeded genuinely in creating a world of separation and loneliness through its foolhardy teaching of not opening ourselves up as a way of protecting us from emotional suffering. Suffering is a way of life and will always be here. The more love we marinate in from ourselves, as well as others, the more our world will reflect this opening back to us. The Earth’s chaos inside and out- it is a mirror for us to see. It is a gift.

Let’s take back this ironic principle that the more guarded we are, the more we withhold, the better off we’ll be. Because it’s not true. Even science shows us that we live longer and are healthier in many ways by being open and engaging in relationship. When we close off, we are closing ourselves off to the essence of our being, the nature of our soul- divinity. We are making ourselves smaller and punishing ourselves for being human.

The Great Perception Divide

Compassion, Life Coach, Listening, Perception, Reflection

The Great Perception Divide
By: Jessica Burnham

In this world of soulful genius
I live to embrace my cosmic light
My light continues, fire and ice
Through the world’s gaze into my eyes
I see willfulness and constant denial
Yet I love them both just the same
Because all I see is me, all I see is God
Twinkling, Enraged, moving into awareness.

While talking about his connection with other people’s view points or perceptions, Eckhart Tolle said in an interview recently “There is nothing I can add to it by interpreting it.” He mentioned that this also included judging or labeling what he was hearing or seeing. He described it as being ‘not identified with thought.” I’ve spent a lot of time lately dwelling in this point, meditating on it and bringing it to my own constant awareness. I have found it to be quite prophetic in such a subtle way.

If we really think about it, most of our conversations with people include our constant interpretation through our own filter, of what they are saying. One person says, I feel this way, and then we respond about how we feel about it based on our own experience. We have perceptions communicating with perceptions most of the time. I am learning through my coaching work with Debbie Ford that we are part of a program that we have developed through our past emotional experiences, and this program keeps running over and over again through our minds until we finally understand- I no longer have to be controlled by this program any longer by the grace of spirit. This program will continue to exist, and I cannot delete it, but I can become aware of the way I allow it to control me and where it happens in my life, over and over again.

What would life be like if we were not ‘identified’ by thought? What would life be like if we were not identified with anything- just simply an observer giving what we could to this world as part of its oneness? Knowing regularly that everything we give to ourselves is also given to all? This includes negative feedback that we give ourselves, not just the love! Every time we judge ourselves or feel shameful about ourselves we are also doing the same to everyone unconsciously. Because of this, the mirror will show up, it has an appointment and you made it through your action of feeling like you are not good enough, or shameful, or ridiculous- insert your own word here. When you feel a certain way about yourself, it’s going to show up- and usually you won’t like it. And who would??

As I mentioned earlier, I’ve been working with Debbie Ford in a coaching program. I recently participated in an intensive weekend where we covered this work on an amazing level. In the deep, provocative process I and many other people were participating in, we explored our inner world through many exercises guided by Debbie to reflect on this point regarding the collective consciousness. I think the culmination of everything came down to these points for me: Compassion yields the experience of one. That the world alone, broken down, actually says ‘al-one’. And, the only love we really need to know is the love of all that we are, because there is nothing else.

Developing compassion usually comes from our own experiences or reflection. Compassion is defined as: “deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it” on Answers.com. Awareness of a kind of suffering usually comes from going within and saying to ours selves, where or when have I ever felt that way in my life or been in that situation so I can relate and feel love for their predicament? Many just skip that process and automatically go into their perceptions or judgments. Living a constant state of compassion can prove to be difficult when we are enveloped in the stuff of our wounded ego or story- which we usually are, as I am learning about myself! But developing compassion can prove to be an amazing way to develop forgiveness for the past with someone, and open you up to new levels of awareness.

Our points of view will always exist. They are a part of the minds way of reasoning with the world around it and relating. But what is ironic, is the mind usually uses its points of view to separate us from one another, not to bring an understanding of how we are one with each other. In finding the humility that exists in the human experience, I am finally being led into understanding that what is most important in this life is being able to listen and love completely the beautiful spirits that constantly come into our lives- even for just a moment. And in this appreciation, I can sit in awareness and see the real beauty and diversity of what it is to be a part of this vast spirit we have so many words for in so many languages. I challenge everyone to try and just sit and listen. Candice O’Denver describes this process as watching other’s view points (as well as your own) float by you like the clouds in the sky. Because that is all they are.

Let’s heal this great divide we call separation, and see how much we are really alike- instead of how much we are really different. Because the love I feel when I look into your eyes is truly my present freedom. And I honor you for sitting here and listening to my point of view. Namaste.

Running on Empty

Emptiness

Running on Empty
By: Jessica Burnham

He who wherever he goes is attached to no person and to no place by ties of flesh; who accepts good and evil alike, neither welcoming the one nor shrinking from the other ó take it that such a one has attained Perfection.
“Bhagavad-Gita”

Whenever I hear the phrase “running on empty”, I get this image in my head of a car from the 1920s, sputtering down a road and running out of gas, but it is trying nonetheless, to keep on going. Who is trying to keep the vehicle going though? The driver is usually the one pressing on the gas, saying to it- please don’t run out of gas, please keep going! So, we can conclude that if we don’t put gas in the tank or press the foot on the gas pedal- the car will not be able to continue driving, correct?

So what is it that keeps our motor running as a spiritual, eclectic being? Our society loves to argue this point in everything we do. Eat the right food, drink lots of water, exercise, do what brings joy into your life, or how about- live a life that encompasses health in every area you can think of? We have this concept about running on empty- trying to move forward on emptiness. It is fun to explore this physical concept of ‘running on empty’. But going back to the spiritual sense of running on empty- what does this mean to you?

Emptiness is explored in a variety of spiritual works- particularly in Buddhism and the Heart Sutra. What I gather, or to sum it up very simply- emptiness is to exist in the understanding that all doesn’t really exist independent of view points or perceptions. Nothing really exists without the world view we give to the object, person, or happening. And, that in every second, change is constant- so no matter how long something appears to be the same as it was a moment ago, it is never the same from moment to moment. I, as I appear to you, am simply your creation because you have a perception that is independent of anyone else’s. Due to the independent reality we all live in, we are never really on the same page and we live in a world that is essentially empty of form.

What I really love about the concept of emptiness- is how much fear the term instills in the wounded ego. Ironically, we are already in this state perfectly but we don’t know it from the perspective of the wounded ego. Everything is always in a state of awareness, it just might be acting in a form of awareness that you perceive to be different through your view point. What really separates me and you? Could it be perception- perception of our own existence, of your existence, and of my view point?

What would it feel like, to be in a state of constant understanding that every thought we have as a reaction to everything around us and in us, is the only thing that separates me from you? That in essence, our thoughts create separation because we attach to them- we give them our power, and we run amok in our own reality.

Not Reacting

We’ve all been there. We’re talking to someone, perhaps they are close to us- perhaps they are not. And the other person says something that really instills an emotional heatedness in some intangible place within us. We feel like what they are saying is not true, they don’t understand, and we want to tell them just that. So we go get on the merry go round, and sometimes we’re rocking and laughing- other times we feel like we’re going to vomit with anger. Going around in circles and being led to the same old road we’ve been down before, only it is with a different person, in a different situation. But- is it really? Or is it the same argument you have with yourself over and over again, until it becomes a part of your story? And all of a sudden, you identify with something- and we think: this makes me real, my life real, and my viewpoints real.

The Trick

But isn’t that how the trickster within our mind works? Creating these experiences that don’t really define us, and really don’t mean anything in the end- yet telling us that it makes us more tangible? The projection game? We project a movie onto a screen and we see people talking, moving, music playing- but isn’t it just a play on human experiences? It does not really make it any more real than it already is, does it? How ironic- the trick- to put your view point out there makes it real? This is when I need to sit in silence.

But how difficult is it, when we feel those emotions, to sit there and listen and maintain your silence? Just to allow our feelings to ride the merry go round by themselves, and not engage in this play on perception? It is difficult. And, it takes work. But in the end- I have a feeling it will free us from our power play, enslavement to separation. Just a feeling.