Category Archives: Change

Sweeping the Nation with Sentimental Hogwash

June 2, 2014Aging, Change, Empowerment, Life, Peace, Poetrybaby fish mouth, Ego, Flaming June, Frederic Leighton, grief, Ingrid Michaelson, Inner Clarity, It's a Wonderful Life, Life, Maya Angelou, peace, poetry, Potential, purposeful perception, Self Perception, Sex in the City, Still I Rise, UC Santa Barbara, When Harry Met SallyBorn to Be

Recommended Reading Soundtrack: Keep Breathing by Ingrid Michaelson

The past week. I have felt unsure of what to say. Between the UC Santa Barbara shootings, to the death of Maya Angelou and the release of an American POW after 5 years of imprisonment- it seems that the world seemingly continues its typical journey of inhaling and exhaling. A journey of ups and downs, where we are all collectively growing and contemplating big questions. In today’s world we are more connected through technology than ever before. We are vastly aware of our global challenges and their many potentials. Ironically it is prompting a contemplation about the nature of human love and the connection that exists outside of technology. The connection that comes from some place impossible to label, yet we feel compelled to search for it and understand it as it is felt on a grander scale due to the oxymoron that is technology.

As I was tidying up some dishes the other morning in contemplation, I picked up a coffee cup that was given to me 16 years ago as a gift during more transitions. The gift displayed one of my favorite paintings by Frederic Leighton, titled “Flaming June.” I received the gift after I had just witnessed the painting’s phenomenal power with my own eyes and heart in an exhibit at the National Gallery of Art.

I had just moved out of my parents’ home and into a group house in Northern Virginia. My best friend’s sister, Jane, gave me this mug for Christmas- and on it was a quote by William Shakespeare from Hamlet, “We know what we are, but know not what we may be.”

I love gifts like this. Some may label them as “sentimental hogwash” like the greedy Mr. Potter in the film “It’s a Wonderful Life,” but they tell a story whenever I look at them. Hundreds of moments flow through my mind, and I’m suddenly carried down a river through time and whisked into old places that seem new again because I am viewing them from the fresh (you could insert cynical in here, but let’s not go there today!) perspective of my older self.

Look at Maya Angelou. What a life! I mean, her voice was a shining example of how one can harness their power through choice and thrust it forward only to create joy like she probably couldn’t have imagined when she was young, sexually abused and mute for 5 years. Our life’s story is a part of us, but it doesn’t have to solely exist as “what we may be.” Our past and our potential exist in tandem, dancing with nothing but a fine line between them.

Our life story is the driver for choosing something that goes beyond what we think we are, it is the backup plan- the place we can revert to if we feel like we don’t know who we are anymore. There is a great Sex in the City episode where the main character Carrie loses years of work on her laptop when her hard drive crashes and burns, leaving her angry and speechless. Then she is asked the ultimate crap question, “When was the last time you backed up?” The problem? She had never backed up, and that was the end of that story- but not the end of what she “may be.”

“But ‘baby fish mouth’ is sweeping the nation?

Sometimes I feel like Harry and Jess in “When Harry Met Sally” during their Pictionary game. I’m struggling to understand what is being communicated, from “Mick Jagger is a baby?” to “baby fish mouth,” when all Sally is trying to say is “Baby Talk.” Maybe “baby fish mouth” really is sweeping the nation. But then, clarity arrives. While I was driving on the evening of Maya Angelou’s death, NPR played her recitation of her poem, “Still I Rise.” I cried as I listened to her striking words. They struck my heart like a masterful musician commanding their audience. She commanded me to remember, that amidst all the chaos that appears in the world around us, hope really does win every time, no matter how much my ego wants to shout “sentimental hogwash!” There are always going to be Potters in this world, but the most powerful ones exist in our own demons.

As Ms. Angelou spoke, so did my heart-

“Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.”

Tourists in The Great Unknown, Unite!

May 21, 2014Change, Fear, Life Coach, Perception, Self PerceptionBelief Systems, Coldplay, Death Cab for Cutie, Fear, Garden State, Life, new mexico, Perception, purposeful perception, Roxette, Self Perception, The ShinsBorn to Be

Recommended Reading Soundtrack: Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall by Coldplay

And if you feel just like a tourist in the city you were born
Then it’s time to go
And define your destination

Death Cab for Cutie, You are a Tourist

Making choices in our lives about the BIG things- our jobs, relationships, who am I going to be when I wake up in the morning (ha!)- making these choices is not a simple task. As a human, there is always fear to contend with when it comes to those “big” things. It permeates everything around us, like a perfume that has lost its luster and just stinks up the joint by making something that already doesn’t smell so good, something worse.

As I was driving through the vast expanse of New Mexico recently and getting lost in my own heart’s great expanse, I was listening to Death Cab for Cutie singing their rock’n song, “You are a Tourist.” I sang along with their metaphorical lyrics,

“And if you feel just like a tourist in the city you were born,
Then it’s time to go.”

I thought to myself, “Sure, it’s easy to say that, but to implement big change like that in our lives takes courage and faith in what our heart is telling us.” Following through with those feelings and making changes in our lives does not come without risks and what I would call “mental torture.”

But the thing is, compromising who we are for the sake of not wanting to deal with the “big unknown” just perpetuates our limiting belief systems about ourselves and life’s possibilities. It all comes back to the “great unknown” but there is nothing we can do about the unknown. It is what it is. And, it is easy to get caught in a vicious cycle of judging ourselves for taking that risk because we are programmed to not take the risks that usually increase our personal growth potential exponentially.

I can say this, I’ve never met a person who regretted making the decision to believe in their life’s potential as something greater. When I was driving across the great unknown from Washington DC with my Dad, I was a little scared. I had just quit my job for something “unknown.” I was moving in with 2 new roommates that I really didn’t know. And, I was moving to a state thousands of miles away from my family and friends where I also “didn’t know” anyone. A state that many American citizens still think is a foreign country (I am not kidding!).

My Dad said to me on our cross country journey (the same Dad that doesn’t even like to leave his house and hadn’t been on an airplane since I was born- 30 years prior), “How do you know everything is going to be okay?” All I could say was, “I just know.” Sometimes, it pays to simply open that suitcase of fears we carry around with us every day, and contemplate the origin of our limiting belief systems. Because in all of our ends, our integrity and truth will never lead us astray.

A “Garden State” Moment

Tomorrow is not going to wait for us to make up our mind. No, I’m not going to quote a cheesy pop song by Roxette (still, Listen to Your Heart!). But, if you ever feel a new world burgeoning within you, just think about that moment when Andrew in the film Garden State was handed some music by Albuquerque’s The Shins. And his new friend Sam said, “You’ve got to hear this one song, it will change your life, I swear.” Although a moment like this appears to be outside of us, it is occurring within ourselves. And it is a profound, and motivating experience to behold. This moment, if you run with it, will definitely change your perception not only about yourself and what you are capable of, but will also change your perception about the world around you. Prepare to be launched into the great unknown, only to find what you’ve known all along but were afraid to admit. You are a rock star!

One. Two. Three- GO!

A Heart Without Words

February 19, 2014Change, Empowerment, Heal, Life, Life Coach, Perception, Self Perception13 Going on 30, Gandhi, Life, life coach, Mark Ruffalo, mind, Once in a Lifetime, Perception, Soul, Talking HeadsBorn to Be

There are times in my life where I feel like I’m the main character in the song, “Once in a Lifetime,” by the Talking Heads. You never know when something is suddenly going to happen and you find yourself asking a simple, but profound statement, “Well, how did I get here?” That song is like a dose of therapy for me and I just want to rock out whenever it plays on my MP3 player like Mark Ruffalo’s teenage character in “13 Going on 30” when he starts “Burning Down the House” during the birthday party. Am I “dating” myself here?

But honestly- life is a balancing act and it is so easy to suddenly feel like you’re a waning silver ball in a pinball machine getting knocked around by some fired up kid, only to realize that you’re the one operating the device that is bashing yourself over and over again. It makes me laugh, and it also makes me want to cry. Both are good, because both are associated with a healthy release if you can simply adjust your mind’s lens to come face to face with that frame in your own movie.

I have the opportunity to ask myself, “How do I want to experience my day?”

Every morning, I have the choice to look myself in the mirror and remind myself that the film is rolling. I am the only one calling the shots, the director in the chair and the person holding the clapperboard shouting, “Take 1.” I have the opportunity to ask myself, “How do I want to experience my day?” Navigating each experience is like an exercise in focusing the camera and getting the magical shot that is going to win you the Oscar.

Perhaps. Life can prove to be difficult, it really can. In the state where I have lived the past 8 years, New Mexico, the annual legislative session is in full swing and I have had the pleasure (can you feel my sarcasm here?) of listening to a lot of it this year. In doing so, I find my mind blurring with the politics that exist in our society and how they create a barrier to what truly matters- providing the help where it is needed. But surprisingly, I experienced one of those moments when, buried beneath the snow at my feet, I witnessed the beginning of spring in a bright colorful flower straining to break through. As I was struggling to find anything positive regarding my listening commitment and the voices droning on in “debate”, SURPRISE!

A state representative was delivering the opening prayer to a floor session, when he gave a quote by Gandhi that I had never heard before,

“Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one’s weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.”

With that, the only words I can offer here, are- don’t give up. Or better yet- do. Because, it is usually in that moment of surrender that we are given a great gift. It may be the solution to your problem, or it just may be a moment of joy in your heart that will help you remember your truth while you process your life. And that my friends, “is the rest of the story.”

I REMEMBER….

August 7, 2013Acceptance, Attachment, Awareness, Change, Compassion, DPChallenge, Life, Perception, StressChildhood Lesson, Children, Christmas, Compassion, DPchallenge, Life, life coach, mind, Perception, Self Perception, The Impossible, TLC, VirginiaBorn to Be

A Childhood Lesson on Life’s Fragility

Thank you Weekly Writing Challenge for drawing out from me another memory that framed the truth of perception for me.

A memory that really affected my perception of the world and its profound fragility came from a car accident I experienced in 4^th grade. It is weird how when you think about one memory, all of a sudden another memory pops up. Our mind is like a tree, branching out. One branch growing into another, so subtle and fluid. Fourth grade was one of those years that really stood out for me with change. The accident took place right after Christmas. Me and my brothers were corralled into our family’s little white Toyota Tercel by my Mom to take a trip to the local mall in an effort to exchange some things. It was a cloudy day and the roads were slick with drizzle from the winter sky. It was the early 80s- no one had their seat belts on.

“We don’t remember days, we remember moments.” Cesare Pavese

We lived in the woods of Virginia, so we traveled a lot on these curvy “back roads” as we called them with deep shoulders and no lines. As we took one of those curves our car hit the shoulder on my side of the car, me in the passenger front seat and my 2 younger brothers in the back. As we hit the shoulder, I grabbed for the dashboard. It was a futile effort to control a car that now had its own mission.

The only recollection I have “during” the accident was when my face planted into the very dashboard I reached for moments earlier. I do know that we flipped once, and as we began to flip a second time we hit a telephone pole or power line and this positioned us back on our wheels in someone’s front yard. I remember my Mother being very scared and crying- hitting the horn repeatedly to get anyone’s attention. Finally someone passed by, pulled over and was running from house to house to find a phone to call 911. This was also before cell phones.

I remember waiting on the grass in this stranger’s front yard that we passed so many times for the ambulance. My brother’s face was bleeding, but mostly I just remember my Mother being overwhelmingly distraught. There were 2 strong, emotionally charged memories from that experience that I still carry with me. One was of a kind EMT- I remember him telling jokes to draw out laughter from me and my brothers. I’m sure they were just as scared as I was.

The other most vivid memory from this ordeal took place at the hospital. I remember being alone in my little curtained cubicle in the ER, and crying. My mouth hurt because it had a very big cut behind my bottom lip that needed a lot of stitches. But also, I felt a lot of stress from being in that accident. It was kind of like what people experience with PTSD. I remember someone came in to look at my mouth and placated my crying with a “oh, you’re fine- no big deal- we’ll stitch you up and you’ll be out of here.” She even laughed at me. It was awful, and I will never forget that person’s lack of knowledge about the psychological impact of a car accident on a child. I couldn’t get that image of my Mother out of my head, panicking and crying and yelling for help. Saying over and over again, “my babies,” with anxiety and fear.

Most children are not fully aware of a world that “lacks control” around that age. They are just learning- and to see your parent in all their humanity, who you always note to be a leader, a solid foundation in your life- not solid and genuinely scared- is a huge learning experience and really affects your perception of the world. You are learning that everything is not always the way you think it is and all you thought to be safe and secure can change in the blink of an eye.

When I watched the film, The Impossible, I was very taken aback by the scene where the oldest son sees his mother physically falling apart and realizes for the first time how serious it was, and he didn’t know how to handle it. She had to refocus him and force him to keep moving or else they would die. I know my memory is nowhere near as traumatic as this was to that young boy- but in essence, it was very similar and it really affected me watching it. I only hope that other children who experience similar things will be helped with more kindness and compassion. Our physical world is very limiting- we never know what someone is feeling deeply inside- we are each a planet unto ourselves.

This is perception and the fragility of our perceptions creates valuable lessons for all of us. I only hope that we can all continue to remember how sensitive the ego of a child truly is, and their inability to describe where their emotions may be coming from makes their ordeal more traumatizing than it can be for an adult. With a little TLC, we can make a huge impact on someone’s life without understanding what is going on in their heart or head. It’s funny. I remember the one person that did care and tried to help me and my brother’s anxieties, as well as the one other person that did nothing. I learned so much from both of them!

Daily Prompt: Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes > Life Without Change? A Life Unlived.

February 4, 2013Change, Daily Prompt, Death, Ego, Karma, Life Coach, Nature, Perception, Psychology, Reflection, Self Perception, transformation, UncategorizedAttachment, buddhism, Change, Daily Prompt, Ego, karma, Life, oneness, PerceptionBorn to Be

There is nothing permanent except change. Herodotus

Change. A scary, dramatic word for many. For nature, change is constant. For human beings, change is also constant. But for the mind- the experience of change is much like death, at least in the beginning. For the mind, a thought or a belief system generally emulates concrete. But then again, even concrete changes! It is the nature of the mind to hold onto belief systems like they are living, breathing beings that determine who we are and how the world “should” be

When I was in college studying historic preservation, I had to focus a lot of my time on the conservation of old structures. And to conserve, you had to know a building’s past, present and future. We actually had to create architecturally accurate drawings- only through a reverse process of intricately measuring every aspect of a building in its current state of life. One of the things I distinctly remember is the debate of glass being a solid or a slowly moving liquid. When you look at a glass window from the 1800s, it looks like old glass- wavy, hard to see through clearly- but still. It almost looked like it was not consistent in thickness from the top to the bottom. Apparently that has to do with the way the glass was actually made, and not necessarily with its molecular structure- but nonetheless, even though some say it is a myth, there are still scientists out there doing studies to prove if glass is a slow moving liquid or a solid.

Nonetheless- the fact that the argument is out there at all is just symptomatic of subtle change that exists on a molecular level every second around us. Change is constant, even though we can’t see it with our naked eye. The same goes for relationships, and our own mental perception of the world. In my world, our outer reality is reflective of our inner reality. How we perceive ourselves is projected around us like a film in each person we interact with in a multitude of ways.

Change never stops, one minute we are born and with every day thereafter, our body is different. The thing is, change naturally flows in a step by step process. A butterfly does not become a butterfly in one leap. It starts with the laying of an egg, then the birth of the caterpillar, then the pupa or chrysalis, and finally- the beautiful butterfly, which may life only 1-2 weeks. If we are going to make a major change in our life, and we have the opportunity to take it in steps, I feel that the mind generally copes better with change in a step by step process.

But let’s be real! Some change simply does not unfold like a gracious symphony. The death of a loved one, the loss of a job- that is the change we cannot control. But if we are choosing a major life change- choose the healthiest options for yourself and remember your motivation with each step. This will create an outcome that will always serve your highest good- trust in this outcome is integral or else, you may just lose your mind. But then again- would that be a bad thing?

I would love to know- how have you coped with a much needed, major life change- and was it easier to do it in one swoop, or vice versa?

My Inner Charlie Brown

July 1, 2009Change, Life, Life Coach, Perception, Psychology, Reflection, Self Perception, self-help, transformationBorn to Be

My Inner Charlie Brown
By: Jessica Burnham

How many of you grew up watching the famous holiday cartoon- Charlie Brown’s Christmas? Or, reading the loveable character’s foibles in the comic page of your newspaper? Charlie Brown always felt depressed- and usually his depression came from his commonly chattered statement “I can’t do anything right!” Just recently as I trudged through my own inner turmoil regarding my life’s ups and downs, I heard myself saying just that. Tears streaming down my eyes, fear and frustration curling over me like a heavy blanket, I roiled “I can’t do anything right!”

I took a deep breath as I observed myself engaged in this belief system. I realized that I had to embrace this part of me, my inner Charlie Brown. And the tears came tumbling down at light speed! What can I say? In the daily work we all engage in called life, we have this perception of ourselves. We know we are working hard and trying to deliver what we envision as our greatest self- so why is it that when something doesn’t go as we expect it to go, it is so easy to spontaneously combust over our self judgments? It is so easy to attach to what someone says about us and then to take the flag running into our self inflicted fire.

I have probably watched Charlie Brown fall apart over his disappointing Christmas tree a couple hundred times. Yet every time I watch it I feel great compassion for his character. How many times does Charlie have to stumble upon his belief that he can’t do anything right? How many times do I need to stumble over this same belief system about myself? I sometimes find myself wishing (foolishly!) that I also had an inner tape recorder that released a statement to my mind like a red alert every time I start to go into this story- “Jessica, please take a look at yourself- do you really believe you can’t do anything right?” And the answer would be “YES” from my mind’s point of view. But it is just that, a point of view. And just like all points of view, they can easily be adjusted to create a journey that is more empowering and in line with what you ultimately deserve in this life.

I have full confidence that since I have chosen to accept the part of me that truly believes and lives this belief system every day, “I can’t do anything right,” I will be able to choose something that aligns with my heart. I have lived this work deeply over the past two years, so I know I can trust this process. I now have the choice to feel compassion for the Charlie Brown that lives within me instead of judging him like Lucy or any other of his harsh critics. Life is difficult enough as it is, juggling everyone else’s belief systems and projections. How much easier could my life be if I opened up to what is available from the universe that sees me for who I truly am? Rather than always seeing myself through filters and lenses that are attached to points of view?

Nietzsche has been quoted as saying “There are no facts only interpretations.” Interpretations, opinions, points of view- are they not all the same? My dear friend’s grandfather taught her growing up that one of the most important ways of being in life was silence, to not open your mouth. This is something I look at with the deepest awe. To not respond with an opinion, an interpretation about our behavior, as well as others, gives us the space we need to experience the emotions of being human without sacrificing the truth of who we are. And the truth of who we are is not an interpretation or a limit- it just simply is- bound by nothing, open to the possibilities of the universe.