Tag Archives: Change

My Funny Valentines- A Lumineers Moment

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There are moments in our lives when we are given the great privilege to witness a deep, unimaginable love.  It is during such moments that I wish I could bottle it up.  And, whenever I feel a moment of high-test overwhelm or forgetfulness of what is most important in life, I could just pull it off a shelf, remove the top and take a nice deep breath.  Perhaps that is why writing is so important to me, as it gives us that opportunity to hold fast to those moments in our hearts, and share them with the rest of the world in high hopes that it will simply multiply with every reader’s eyes and connecting spirit.  Although, you wouldn’t know it by the unexplainable break I have taken from blogging!

My grandmother, Gertie, holding one of my favorite vocalists, my niece- Shaili.
My grandmother, Gertie, holding one of my favorite vocalists, my niece- Shaili.

But this daily prompt is another perfect opportunity to get back into the game of connecting with the brilliant hearts and minds reading this blog now.  A year ago today, my grandmother, Gertie, passed away after a long life in a place called Long Island.  With her passing I was left with one of those cherished privileges to witness this deep love that I have described, that resulted from a grand moment of togetherness and a mutual experience of grief.  As her funeral occurred over “Valentine’s Day 2013” it would seem uncanny to not take this opportunity to recognize not only my grandmother, but also my entire family, as “My Funny Valentines” this year (I’m allowed more than one Valentine, right?).

It happened at the end.  Bonding through wake after wake, and then the solidifying funeral.  There we all were, hanging out in the living room of my Uncle Joe and Aunt Sue.  My Uncle Joe’s obsession with DVR “cheese” was taking place over the television, and everyone was exhausted eating their desserts after a final meal together.  But there was one gem within his DVR madness- the song “Ho Hey” performed by the Lumineers at the most recent Grammy Award celebration.  My little niece and nephew, who were both 3 and 2 years old at the time, loved to divide the chorus between the two of them.

My 3 year old niece, belting out the words “I belong with you, you belong with me, you’re my sweetheart!”

My 2 year old nephew doing the same with, “Ho!  Hey!  Ho!  Hey!”

We all sang with them in our melancholy and gratefulness, hence that song does not play to this day without the appearance of a tear running down my face.  I love you all, my funny valentines!  And most of all, I thank you grandma, for bringing us together at the end of your life for a smashing moment of enduring love that will flourish in my heart forever.  Just remember, “I belong with you, you belong with me, you’re my sweetheart!”

In the spirit of the infinite space that resides within our hearts, I say let’s just “Rock Big Love” this week anyway, and forget about the hallmark holiday!

Dear Postal Service, Everything Has Changed!

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Okay, inspiration comes in many forms.  We just need to trust it when it comes, and feel with our heart what we are feeling with an intention of deep listening.  What do these feelings want to say?  What is this moment revealing for me in the hidden spaces of my heart?  Life moves so fast, we forget about those amazing moments where something in us is pushing the envelope of what we “think” we’re supposed to be doing or where we think we’re going in our life.

I just saw this mini documentary on the Postal Service’s tour made by the “Creators Project.”  In the beginning they were doing interviews with people outside a venue and someone made a comment that almost passed me by, but fortunately I was actually hearing him.  They said how listening to the songs on this tour of their one and only album brought him back to the memories of that time in his life,  his “angsty” high school years.  He said that some of them were good, and some of them were bad (you could tell it was difficult to experience just by the tone of his voice).  As I kept watching and feeling the music, I started experiencing the same thing that this post-angsty dude was talking about!

I fought my tears as I started thinking about when I discovered the Postal Service.  It was 2005 and I was going through a major transition in my life.  Thinking about moving out west from the only place I really knew, my home, which coincidentally was Washington DC.  As I began to process my desire to move, I went through this amazing time in my life where I really discovered myself by being alone after so many years of co-dependency.  I began to fall in love myself and what it was to just “be”.  I enjoyed every moment I had in those quiet places of my heart.

Getting ready for one of my runs!
Getting ready for one of my runs!

The album contributed to a major change in my self-perception.  Every day I would run and run around this middle school track near my house.  Rain or shine- I was out there, feeling the air, listening to the same Postal Service album, listening to my breath change with the moving minutes.  I moved to New Mexico, still listening to that same album, adjusting to a new reality where the only thing my mind had was me.  I remember during my cross-country drive with my Dad he said to me he couldn’t believe I was doing it, and asked me if I was scared.  This was a big deal for my Dad- if you knew him, you’d understand.  He didn’t grow up in a household where people talked about their feelings.  He also does not like change, and this was BIG change for his daughter, his first child, and for him.

I said I just knew that this was right, and that everything was going to work out.  I will never forget his response.  He said he wished he could be like me, and be that sure about something so big.  I will always be grateful to the Postal Service for that album, and the change it inspired in me as it helped me to learn how to love myself and trust change.  And, I will always have that memory of my Father that I will cherish and remember whenever I feel like I just don’t know.

The documentary ended with the song, Some Idealistic Future, where they sang with the audience those words that inspired so much for me, “Everything will change…ooo…ooooo”.  Yes, everything has changed, thank goodness!

Daily Prompt: Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes > Life Without Change? A Life Unlived.

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There is nothing permanent except change. Herodotus

Change. A scary, dramatic word for many. For nature, change is constant. For human beings, change is also constant. But for the mind- the experience of change is much like death, at least in the beginning. For the mind, a thought or a belief system generally emulates concrete. But then again, even concrete changes! It is the nature of the mind to hold onto belief systems like they are living, breathing beings that determine who we are and how the world “should” be

Change- It Never Ends.
Change- It Never Ends.

When I was in college studying historic preservation, I had to focus a lot of my time on the conservation of old structures. And to conserve, you had to know a building’s past, present and future. We actually had to create architecturally accurate drawings- only through a reverse process of intricately measuring every aspect of a building in its current state of life. One of the things I distinctly remember is the debate of glass being a solid or a slowly moving liquid. When you look at a glass window from the 1800s, it looks like old glass- wavy, hard to see through clearly- but still. It almost looked like it was not consistent in thickness from the top to the bottom. Apparently that has to do with the way the glass was actually made, and not necessarily with its molecular structure- but nonetheless, even though some say it is a myth, there are still scientists out there doing studies to prove if glass is a slow moving liquid or a solid.

Nonetheless- the fact that the argument is out there at all is just symptomatic of subtle change that exists on a molecular level every second around us. Change is constant, even though we can’t see it with our naked eye. The same goes for relationships, and our own mental perception of the world. In my world, our outer reality is reflective of our inner reality. How we perceive ourselves is projected around us like a film in each person we interact with in a multitude of ways.

Change never stops, one minute we are born and with every day thereafter, our body is different. The thing is, change naturally flows in a step by step process. A butterfly does not become a butterfly in one leap. It starts with the laying of an egg, then the birth of the caterpillar, then the pupa or chrysalis, and finally- the beautiful butterfly, which may life only 1-2 weeks. If we are going to make a major change in our life, and we have the opportunity to take it in steps, I feel that the mind generally copes better with change in a step by step process.

But let’s be real! Some change simply does not unfold like a gracious symphony. The death of a loved one, the loss of a job- that is the change we cannot control. But if we are choosing a major life change- choose the healthiest options for yourself and remember your motivation with each step. This will create an outcome that will always serve your highest good- trust in this outcome is integral or else, you may just lose your mind. But then again- would that be a bad thing?

I would love to know- how have you coped with a much needed, major life change- and was it easier to do it in one swoop, or vice versa?