Category Archives: Gratefulness

Bearing Witness to Your Light on the Horizon

Compassion, Gratefulness, Life Coach, Reflection, Self Perception, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Recommended Reading Soundtrack:  MountainTop by Bedouin Soundclash on Album “Light the Horizon”

Recently I found myself engaged in my annual hiking tradition of tackling a 12,600 foot mountain called Santa Fe Baldy here in New Mexico. As I was rising higher and higher in altitude up this beautiful giant that holds a special place in my heart, my inner rock star was on repeat with the song Mountain Top by Bedouin Soundclash. Over and over again the words cycled “Up on the Mountain Top!” while I grew more and more out of breath. I even ran into an older gentleman whistling Chariots of Fire (his own inner rock star was clearly on a different plane), which sounded as loud as my first Alpine speaker system in my very old college VW Rabbit because the mountains are enveloped in a profound quietude at 7:30 in the morning, but it could not overpower this punk rock motivation.

Climbing a mountain, in the isolated wilderness as nature buzzes along in sync with the sunrise for 14 miles gives you a lot of time to be alone with yourself- your mind and all its delusional perceptions. It became a metaphor for my life, as it often does, and did in the very song by Bedouin Soundclash. We are constantly moving even when we don’t want to, toward a horizon colored in disaster and joy. The sky can be mucked with clouds and thunderstorms but that horizon still exists beneath the cover. Our mind can be rattled with aggravation, depression, or anxiety- but life just keeps buzzing by and we have a choice to either go along with it, or let it push us forward kicking and screaming.

Oh, There You Are Peter

A few days after my hike, the news regarding the death of Robin Williams struck my heart as it did do many others in this world. I know that much of our planet has been writing about it, talking about it, dedicating time spots in television with some of his most memorable movies. But I can’t help but express my own sadness about his passing. I didn’t know this man, but I felt like I did. I grew up with him and his improvisational genius. His smile became a permanent fixture in my heart from the scene in Hook when he begins to remember his inner Peter Pan, his truth (Click Here to Watch!).

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Life’s challenge to remember our joy can be like climbing a mountain and never reaching that beautiful view promised to you by all the hiking guide books. Yet, he helped me remember it all the time! In fact, there were times where I myself wanted to let go of this life and would lay in my bed crying, wishing that I no longer had to endure the forgetfulness that comes with being human. But I would put on Hook and remember that amidst the struggle of my mind’s demons there was something inside me that recognized itself in the people around me (even when I wanted to shoot the television when the miscast Julia Roberts came on screen as Tink- nothing against you Ms. Roberts).

I think about how his world as a celebrity must have been so strange. Always having to put on a face for people when he might have felt desperation inside his heart. It is so easy for us to play the part of someone else even when we might not want to go there. But when the cameras were on, he was so good at it! And I believe that all of us are pretty darn good at it. We’ve been programmed to forget who we are and why we are here.

Your Fantabulous Light on the Horizon

But you know what, Mr. Williams? You helped me remember- because you struggled with it yourself. You helped a lot of people remember and that was your gift to us. Over the weekend I had the unique pleasure of getting to spend a few days with my niece and nephews on the east coast. Aladdin was on, and so was Mrs. Doubtfire. I saw my niece light up with laughter at age 5 when she saw Mrs. Doubtfire’s fake boobs catch on fire while cooking for the first time. I had the opportunity to talk to her about the fantabulous joy you brought to so many people’s hearts, and will continue to bring with what you’ve left behind for us to bear witness to your soul’s gifts, the light on the horizon.

“Because You’re a sky full of stars,” brought to you by Coldplay

stars

With all that I am, I shall continue to be inspired by you and hope that I can bring others comfort much in the way you brought it to me. Sometimes we may feel lost, but if we can just remember the Peter Pan that we truly are in what we share as human beings, we have a chance at seeing the joys of Never Never Land even when we are experiencing the life of another human being toiling away in our cubical. Your generosity can only be described as that light on the horizon that we see so often and linger in its beauty. “You are a sky full of stars.” Thank you.

How a Shooting Star Named Baby Sophia Bathed Us in Her Kindness

Compassion, Gratefulness, Grief, Kindness, Reflection, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Recommended Reading Soundtrack:  Stand By Me by Otis Redding on Album Pain in my Heart 

Feeling grumpy, crotchety, stubborn or a bit sequestered today? Get ready, because that is about to change, I promise! In pondering the significance of kindness in my life, as blogger Erica has challenged our community this week, I am finding myself deeply grateful for this opportunity to talk about the beauty of the human spirit. It is a place in our hearts that always draws us together, even when we think those words are cliché or just a bunch of hooey!

babysophia

My mind stores up moments of kindness like a big jar of peanut M&Ms that teachers tempt kids with through a guessing game of how many are harbored within that glass. They are colorful, sweet and have the added bonus of not rotting our teeth. And I digress. Then I came across an awesome story on the Washington Post by Sarah Larimer and Casey Capachi titled “Today in uplifting internet news: Redditors help father who lost his infant daughter.” The story was like an envelope being opened on stage for Best Motion Picture at the Oscars and given the chance, I couldn’t help myself but open it. I didn’t even question opening it, as of course I have limited views on news stories here, seriously!

The story- a 26 year old father who recently lost his newborn named, Sophia. One of the few pictures he had of her with open eyes and alertness in tow was also full of her evident struggle to survive- hospital equipment. As the tears started pouring, my eyes and breath strained to read more of the story about a shooting star that flew across our sky for only a brief moment. He submitted this one picture to Reddit and asked if anyone could Photoshop out the tubes to create a memory that would survive for him and the mother.

“Since she was in the hospital her whole life we never were able to get a photo without all her tubes. Can someone remove the tubes from this photo?” Wrote the 26 year old father named Nathen Steffel

The father didn’t only receive a beautiful, single edited photo, he received thousands of messages and also some mailed presents containing drawings, even an embroidered blanket. This story is a beautiful representation of our capacity to love and how one request can be an opportunity for thousands of people to respond in kindness and appreciation for the preciousness of life and how it affects us.

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The people that responded saw these parents’ pain in their own experiences. They saw themselves and wanted to give comfort and love. Beautiful compassion for the human experience that we all endure every day of both living and passing away. And I leave this blog post with one thing- thank you, Sophia, for gracing our world with this beautiful opportunity to remember how fleeting and luminous our lives are. Your kindness will help me remember to not lose sight of what is important in this world, how we choose to live our lives and “pay it forward.”

At the end of one of my favorite films, Scrooged, Bill Murray’s character gave a speech that no matter what, always made me crave more. I would sit up at night, even in the summer, and replay this one scene just to see the son of his assistant who had stopped talking since witnessing his father’s death, to say one thing, “And God Bless Us Everyone.” If you have time today, check out this article and re-watch the scene in Scrooged (Click Here!). Remember, “If you give, then it can happen, then the miracle can happen to you.”

Let’s Rock Big Love!

Loneliness Kicked My Achy Breaky Heart

Carl Jung, DPChallenge, Ego, Gratefulness, Life Coach, Self Perception, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Recommended Reading Soundtrack:  Transcendental Blues by Steve Earl

When I was young, I remember being in the car with my Mom when the Hall and Oates song “Maneater” was playing on the radio. I was singing along, “Whoa, here she comes. Watch out boy, she’ll ‘chew your BUTT.” Laughter ensued by my mom, of course. If you don’t know that song (and I definitely wouldn’t hold it against you if you haven’t!), there is a reason as to why that was so funny.

Yes, my ears and brain had a few wires crossed and I actually confused the word “butt” with “up.” Oh, the sound of melancholy 80s pop love songs- the turmoil of Madonna in her song “Crazy for You.” Picture me in the back seat of our white Dodge Minivan, afraid at the humble age of 12 of the prospect of being alone for the rest of my life. Alone, alone, ALONE. Really!?

When I started thinking about what my greatest teacher in life has been, my heart met my mind in front of the great Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz. All kind of directions were popping up, but I was led to an unexpected place within myself. The thoughts opened the door to the root of my life’s greatest fear, and greatest teacher- the fear of being alone, abandoned, all by my lonesome with my own “Achy Breaky Heart.” The fact that I can’t stand country music makes the fear that much more substantiated.

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Loneliness, once my mind’s arch enemy, has become my best friend. Without it I could never have seen the truth of who I am- like a mirror on display simultaneously within me and outside of me. It has taught me time and again the opposite- that I am never alone as I exist in everything I feel, perceive around me.

Once, when I was confronting all the reasons I believed no one would want me and I would die as Bridget Jones’ version of a lonely old “spinster,” and eventually be eaten by wild dogs, I was bluntly asked, “Are you crazy?” He continued, this stranger that was deeply involved in one of the most difficult confession sessions I had ever completed, “Why would you ever believe those things about yourself?”

That question turned out to be one that I am grateful for every day. This fear of being alone has led me on a journey of inner knowing, a “wild goose chase” if you will, that I never thought was possible. Through all the “crazy,” the tears, the crippling mental self flagellation, I have come out to the world with the understanding that it was only me, myself and I that could attempt to isolate myself from my truth and the people that operate within it.

reflectionoflightWhat is my truth? That in every laugh, impulsive reaction of every person I find annoying, adore, or look up to- there I am. No, I don’t have multiple personality disorder, but what I do have is a case of being human. The most difficult and awesome part of the experience is that all I see in others is a simple reflection of me.

In the end of the film, While You Were Sleeping, when Bullock’s character Lucy confesses she really is not the fiancé of the man she is about to marry, she explains to mother, father, grandmother, godfather, and sister, that she simply fell in love with not just her fiancé, but ALL of them. And just like that, she was never alone again. Through the fear of my greatest teacher (and many Cure songs of course) I have found a path to loving and appreciating all parts of myself within everyone I encounter. And I am ever abundantly more in love with all aspects of being human, every day.

Age, Impermanence and All That Jazz

Aging, DPChallenge, Ego, Empowerment, Gratefulness, Perception, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

 Recommended reading soundtrack:  Explosions in the Sky, “Your Hand In Mine”

“I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn’t a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time… For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars… And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined our street… Or my grandmother’s hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper… And the first time I saw my cousin Tony’s brand new Firebird… And Janie… And Janie… And… Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me… but it’s hard to stay mad, when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst… And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life… You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry… you will someday.” Lester Burnham in the film “American Beauty.”

When I read that quote, when I hear the voice in that quote- no matter how many times- chills run through my body and tears well up in my eyes.  This feeling, although emotional, is an indicator of truth for me.  It epitomizes what the word “age” means to me.  How can we put a value on aging in a culture that markets it as unwanted, something to be resisted?  Every time I find my mind wandering into a fear about aging, I flashback to the version of myself at 21 and I remember how grateful I am to no longer be anywhere in the vicinity of that age.  Kind of like Amanda Peet’s character in the movie “A lot Like Love” (a simple film, yes- but who doesn’t laugh their arse off when she runs into the sliding glass door?) where she is reminded of her punk rock stage in college where she dated angry musicians.    Only I always ended up with drummers.

moonA Time Machine & Magical Spells

Remember Napoleon Dynamite’s brother who can’t let go of his high school football career and is in search of a time travel machine?  I think I would rather endure a Harry Potter spell of vomiting slugs than go back in time.  Especially to high school!  Why?  Because transformation really sweetens the deal in life, and no matter how difficult it gets, I now at least have the emotional tools to deal with things in a more balanced way.  Not everyone has experienced life in the same way- but there is something about age that I just can’t resist deep down.

You Mean I’m going to die?

It is the life, the experience that determines the molding of our belief systems that correlate with our perception of what aging will yield to us.  This includes our infinite potential- all possibilities.  We have a tendency to limit our potential by thinking that age determines something in the abstract about who we are, how we have failed to live up to something that does not even exist.  Do you let expectations about who you are “supposed” to be bring you down, and cloud your enjoyment of life as you age?  Do you remember in your actions that with each day comes the possibility of a life ended?

Sometimes I feel like I am engaged in a race against time. “I have to get this done,” I tell myself.  “If I don’t accomplish this- what will it say about me?  Am I wasting this life?  Am I fulfilling my human purpose to help people and make this world a better place?”  These are all sound questions, but they can get in the way of simply enjoying life as well and seeing how your role unfolds through active, present engagement.  It is the ego’s tendency to put the pressure on, but you can be sure that if you are putting the pressure on yourself to “be” something or “do” something, then you are impeding life’s natural flow and at the same time making yourself miserable.

clock+face+vintage+graphicsfairy6It’s Question Time

Age.  Perhaps the only pressure we should engage in with ourselves as we age should involve the amount of love we hold in our hearts like that balloon that is about to burst- for ourselves and the true beauty of our world as Lester Burnham suggests at the end of his life in American Beauty.

Perhaps we should ask ourselves, when was the last time that we felt “anything but gratitude for every single moment” in our lives and shared that gratitude with those around us?  I am grateful for this moment that I am sharing with you, and hope that together we can approach age as a meaningful gift.   I am also grateful for this opportunity to reflect on my own perception of aging and how it may limit me or empower me to live a life that is engaging and powerful.

My Funny Valentines- A Lumineers Moment

DPChallenge, Gratefulness, Grief, Life Coach, Love, Mindfulness, Stress, , , , , , , , , , , ,

There are moments in our lives when we are given the great privilege to witness a deep, unimaginable love.  It is during such moments that I wish I could bottle it up.  And, whenever I feel a moment of high-test overwhelm or forgetfulness of what is most important in life, I could just pull it off a shelf, remove the top and take a nice deep breath.  Perhaps that is why writing is so important to me, as it gives us that opportunity to hold fast to those moments in our hearts, and share them with the rest of the world in high hopes that it will simply multiply with every reader’s eyes and connecting spirit.  Although, you wouldn’t know it by the unexplainable break I have taken from blogging!

My grandmother, Gertie, holding one of my favorite vocalists, my niece- Shaili.
My grandmother, Gertie, holding one of my favorite vocalists, my niece- Shaili.

But this daily prompt is another perfect opportunity to get back into the game of connecting with the brilliant hearts and minds reading this blog now.  A year ago today, my grandmother, Gertie, passed away after a long life in a place called Long Island.  With her passing I was left with one of those cherished privileges to witness this deep love that I have described, that resulted from a grand moment of togetherness and a mutual experience of grief.  As her funeral occurred over “Valentine’s Day 2013” it would seem uncanny to not take this opportunity to recognize not only my grandmother, but also my entire family, as “My Funny Valentines” this year (I’m allowed more than one Valentine, right?).

It happened at the end.  Bonding through wake after wake, and then the solidifying funeral.  There we all were, hanging out in the living room of my Uncle Joe and Aunt Sue.  My Uncle Joe’s obsession with DVR “cheese” was taking place over the television, and everyone was exhausted eating their desserts after a final meal together.  But there was one gem within his DVR madness- the song “Ho Hey” performed by the Lumineers at the most recent Grammy Award celebration.  My little niece and nephew, who were both 3 and 2 years old at the time, loved to divide the chorus between the two of them.

My 3 year old niece, belting out the words “I belong with you, you belong with me, you’re my sweetheart!”

My 2 year old nephew doing the same with, “Ho!  Hey!  Ho!  Hey!”

We all sang with them in our melancholy and gratefulness, hence that song does not play to this day without the appearance of a tear running down my face.  I love you all, my funny valentines!  And most of all, I thank you grandma, for bringing us together at the end of your life for a smashing moment of enduring love that will flourish in my heart forever.  Just remember, “I belong with you, you belong with me, you’re my sweetheart!”

In the spirit of the infinite space that resides within our hearts, I say let’s just “Rock Big Love” this week anyway, and forget about the hallmark holiday!

Owning Your Uncool

Acceptance, Compassion, Film, Forgiveness, Gratefulness, Perception, Self Perception, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone else when we’re uncool. Lester Bangs, Almost Famous

There is a great scene in the film “The Holiday” when Kate Winslet’s character, Iris, is so distraught over hearing the news of her ex’s engagement that she starts breathing in gas from her stove as she is getting ready to light the flame for a cup of tea.  She then realizes what she is doing and scrambles to open the window, finishing the moment with a mumble to herself, “Low point!”

I love this scene because it reminds me of our humanity and the vulnerability we carry in our hearts that result in situations in our lives that really are “UNCOOL.”  It makes me laugh every time.  The scene has become an unfailing reflection of my own relationship foibles.  As I have opened this article with a quote that I also love, from another film (yes, I am a cinematic nut job), I can’t help but refer to it over and over again in my own life.  A lot of getting over our self- judgments that usually result in some misguided perception about who we are, is about owning those moments in our lives where we really do hit those “low points” and seriously act “uncool.”  Iris’s goofy attempt at poisoning herself with gas from her stove qualifies as one of these moments for me.

There has been a lot of talk over the past week about Miley Cyrus’s performance at the MTV VMA awards, and it has been funny to see many people’s reactions here on WordPress with the weekly writing challenge incorporating it as a guideline.  Most people don’t want to give any energy to the topic and the hype of this pop performance dilemma.  I totally understand it, as a person myself who has always rejected in some way through my own musical snobbery such mainstream musical gunk- which is why I have always related to the main characters in Almost Famous.

But I can’t help but notice that even those that don’t want to give any energy to the event still do by feeling the need to make their statement.  When I finally had a second to actually watch the video, I found myself laughing out loud- really.  Why?  Because here was a person engaged in one of those “low points,” one of those “uncool” moments where her immaturity outweighed whatever it was she was trying to do on that stage.  To me her performance was no different than a bunch of 13 year old awkward boys or girls having a sleep over acting outlandish about sex, a topic they don’t know anything about but want to be “cool.”

In my heart, I can’t help but be grateful that I now have enough wisdom to honor Cyrus’s process of growing up amidst all the labeling on this planet and the continuous blubbering over one concern to another regarding pop artists and what they are teaching our kids or what they say about our society as a whole.  In the end, we have to all own our “uncool” moments for what they are and love ourselves because there is nothing else left that is real but that love.  One day, I’m sure Ms. Cyrus will own her “uncool” also and be a person she herself can fully love rather than seek the hype surrounding celebrity marketing and drama.