Tag Archives: self-help

How a Shooting Star Named Baby Sophia Bathed Us in Her Kindness

Recommended Reading Soundtrack:  Stand By Me by Otis Redding on Album Pain in my Heart 

Feeling grumpy, crotchety, stubborn or a bit sequestered today? Get ready, because that is about to change, I promise! In pondering the significance of kindness in my life, as blogger Erica has challenged our community this week, I am finding myself deeply grateful for this opportunity to talk about the beauty of the human spirit. It is a place in our hearts that always draws us together, even when we think those words are cliché or just a bunch of hooey!

babysophia

My mind stores up moments of kindness like a big jar of peanut M&Ms that teachers tempt kids with through a guessing game of how many are harbored within that glass. They are colorful, sweet and have the added bonus of not rotting our teeth. And I digress. Then I came across an awesome story on the Washington Post by Sarah Larimer and Casey Capachi titled “Today in uplifting internet news: Redditors help father who lost his infant daughter.” The story was like an envelope being opened on stage for Best Motion Picture at the Oscars and given the chance, I couldn’t help myself but open it. I didn’t even question opening it, as of course I have limited views on news stories here, seriously!

The story- a 26 year old father who recently lost his newborn named, Sophia. One of the few pictures he had of her with open eyes and alertness in tow was also full of her evident struggle to survive- hospital equipment. As the tears started pouring, my eyes and breath strained to read more of the story about a shooting star that flew across our sky for only a brief moment. He submitted this one picture to Reddit and asked if anyone could Photoshop out the tubes to create a memory that would survive for him and the mother.

“Since she was in the hospital her whole life we never were able to get a photo without all her tubes. Can someone remove the tubes from this photo?” Wrote the 26 year old father named Nathen Steffel

The father didn’t only receive a beautiful, single edited photo, he received thousands of messages and also some mailed presents containing drawings, even an embroidered blanket. This story is a beautiful representation of our capacity to love and how one request can be an opportunity for thousands of people to respond in kindness and appreciation for the preciousness of life and how it affects us.

kindness_changeworld

The people that responded saw these parents’ pain in their own experiences. They saw themselves and wanted to give comfort and love. Beautiful compassion for the human experience that we all endure every day of both living and passing away. And I leave this blog post with one thing- thank you, Sophia, for gracing our world with this beautiful opportunity to remember how fleeting and luminous our lives are. Your kindness will help me remember to not lose sight of what is important in this world, how we choose to live our lives and “pay it forward.”

At the end of one of my favorite films, Scrooged, Bill Murray’s character gave a speech that no matter what, always made me crave more. I would sit up at night, even in the summer, and replay this one scene just to see the son of his assistant who had stopped talking since witnessing his father’s death, to say one thing, “And God Bless Us Everyone.” If you have time today, check out this article and re-watch the scene in Scrooged (Click Here!). Remember, “If you give, then it can happen, then the miracle can happen to you.”

Let’s Rock Big Love!

Through the Foggy Looking Glass

Recommended listening soundtrack:  “Fidelity” by Regina Spektor  on Begin to Hope

Upon awakening the other morning, I looked underneath the blinds framing my bedroom window and found myself face to face with a thick fog obscuring my view.

Or so I thought.

As I started to walk away, all these fear based thoughts started going through my head.  How will I get to work in fog as thick as “pea soup”- or “peanut butter” as Yukon Cornelius argued in the ever so famous claymation Rudolph Christmas special with our favorite misfit elf, Hermey.

“You eat what you like, and I’ll eat what I like.”

I then proceeded to walk through my living room only to find the mountain view as clear as I had ever seen it with an added spark from the morning sunlight.  All I could ask myself in my own sleepy fog was, “how on earth could there be peanut butter thick fog (I prefer Yukon’s choice) on one side of my home and no fog on the other?”

Chaco_Canyon_Pueblo_Bonito_doorways_NPSOh, wait!  I realized then that the humidifier in my bedroom fogged up my window glass on the inside, and the foggy world I thought existed on the other side of the glass, only existed from my side.  In that moment, all I could do was laugh at how much my foggy window was emulating my life.  All you have to do is mix in your experiences and how they have molded an inner landscape unlike no other, and you find yourself observing through your own foggy glass.  I create my own obscurations and sometimes I just cannot see clearly through them.

Filtered or Unfiltered?

There are certain foods that are processed and you can enjoy them either filtered, or unfiltered.  Wine is one of them!  Whether filtered or unfiltered, each has a different taste and/or a different appearance.  In the same light, our experiences can act like those particles in unfiltered wine that can make or break our relationships with others.  I ask myself, can I trust what I am perceiving and hearing from another person?  Or do I need to take the time to reflect regularly on where inside myself I am creating a perception of the person in front of me?  Is it a filtered or unfiltered perspective?

This week has been overwhelming with some tough decisions and experiences that forced me to look within myself deeply about human accountability and how our choices can really mold the life we experience.  I have found myself agonizing over the fate of another, and releasing that agony in a newly discovered, greater wisdom within my heart.  If I could take anything from my foggy experience, it is that each of us is gifted with a journey in life that is tailor made to our purpose, and what we want to learn on a deeper level.  The only thing I can do is trust that their view through the looking glass, this human experience, will continue to be clarified in their connection to others.

red-heart-tree“But the eyes are blind.  One must look with the heart.” ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPERY

For myself, I hope that the fog I create in this life becomes thinner and thinner as I continue to strive to remain  more filtered in perceptions.  If I can continuously see others and their experiences as something I can explore and gain a deeper understanding of their reality, I can in essence live a more helpful, peaceful life.

The other morning the fog initially seemed so powerful, but with one change in direction I realized it was not even real!  Little did I know when I was a young child that the words of a cartoon gold prospector in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer would come back to remind me that it is true- we all see the world in our own way but it is how we meet in the middle that will help us solve our dilemmas and remain dear, dear friends.

Remembering to be grateful for what we have rather than what we don't have.

It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To!

How easy is it to forget about all the wonderful we have in our lives and focus on what we don’t have?  My inner “Stubborn Suzy” rears her pretty little head again and wants things a certain way in order to be “happy.”  But often times there is a greater plan taking place and it is impossible to know all the moving pieces taking place so those big miracles can happen.

"Love is like oxygen!" Moulin Rouge
“Love is like oxygen!” Moulin Rouge

Yet.  There is often this part of me that wonders…why do I have an innate desire to do something that is NOT happening?  Maybe it is happening, just not as quickly as my flowering ego would like it to happen?  But sometimes there is this part of me that feels like Ewan McGregor in Baz Luhrmann’s Moulin Rouge.  That scene where he talks about love, and exclaims “love is like oxygen,” yet no one around him gets it, no one will believe him.

In the end his character suffers a painful fate when the person he finally gets to sing his love song to dies in his arms.  There are moments when this is how I feel as life changes, and these little aspects of myself have to be let go into that abyss of the unknown.  They die, and I must love and accept them so that they can make that transition.

WHY?

Why do we feel so wired to do something, yet feel like it is not going anywhere?  Why does it feel so difficult to just let go?  My “Stubborn Suzy” feels angry and wants to throw a temper tantrum.  She just wants to tell the universe to bugger off.   She wants everyone to know that it really is her party, and she can cry if she wants to.  What is it that my “Stubborn Suzy” really needs, right now?

Honestly?  I just don’t know.  I’ll have to simply try and have a little faith in the way my heart feels, and that eventually its creations will surface in a form I will recognize.  And my  heart will again sing its love song.

REFLECTION EXERCISE

What are you grateful for today?  What area in your life have you felt resentful about and wished that it were different?  Ask yourself what aspect of yourself feels like it should be different and why?  Write for 5 minutes about what you have accomplished, and how that is contributing to the “bigger picture.”  Remember, it is impossible to see all the surprises the universe has in store for you, just have faith that they are on their way.  Love yourself big!

For + Giveness & A Weepie Moment

Opening our mind's doors beyond limiting perceptions through forgiveness.
Opening our mind’s doors beyond limiting perceptions through forgiveness.

Sometimes in our lives you have an unexpected memory pop up, and you have to remember that there are no coincidences in our interactions with others and what they present to you in your heart, especially when there are no words spoken that specifically point to a past experience.  I am so grateful for everyone in my life, as they teach me something new every moment.  Recently I have been talking to a teacher of mine named Cliff Edwards that is publishing a book called The Forgiveness Handbook.  Cliff and I were talking about how forgiveness opens doorways in our lives to new possibilities because it gives us relief to our attachments to the past.  In my work, attachment is a major component to the creation of our limiting perceptions.

As I was pondering our conversation, a song by the Weepies came on called “All that I Want.”  As I heard it I started thinking about a moment in my life where I was told by my ex-husband that he had been having an affair.  That emotion of the past started creeping to the surface in the form of tears even though I thought it was gone.  I was in the middle of some hefty coaching training at the time, so I was constantly in a process, dealing with this giant eruption that just blew into my life without abandon and no warning.  I remember being on a lesson call, and I expressed to all my classmates how much of a struggle it was at that moment to feel forgiveness for the feelings of betrayal I had felt in that moment.  I could barely say the words without my voice straining with emotion, but I remember being told I needed to focus on what I needed at that point in time to take care of myself at that stage of my grief.

I realize now that I have not fully forgiven him.  It was not only for the affair, but it was also for bringing into my life this precious soul, his daughter, and how I didn’t want to hurt her by making a choice to leave the relationship.  I put myself into the situation, but I felt like a victim.  I didn’t want her to feel the pain I was feeling, I didn’t want the holidays to be ruined.  I didn’t want to lose her.  So I chose to stay, and exercise the desire to forgive in an effort to keep my life together.

In the end, it all fell apart anyway.  And in the end, I lost that relationship with his daughter.  But I do realize, that fully forgiving my ex-husband and myself will open new doorways for me and her.  I would have dreams with her, and we would be whispering to one another so that her father would not hear us talking.  When I would awaken I would just pray that her heart was full of the love she deserved and that she could forgive me.  Now, I need to fill my heart with the love I deserve as well, by allowing forgiveness in conjunction with this surrender to be complete.  Our potential in our lives to experience joy from moment to moment is so great.  Through the experience of forgiveness we finally become aware of our greatest potential to live and be loved.  The opportunity to align our self-perception with one of complete acceptance can set us free from the idea that we are not free.

Exercise

Close your eyes, and ask your heart to reveal to you a moment in time where you need to still forgive.  It could be anything- just trust what you see, experience the emotion and remember- you are not alone.

That’s All Happiness Is…

It’s just the heart being free.

About 4 years ago I saw the above music video made for Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche, also a spoken word artist, poet and marathon runner.  The video and poem blew me away and I knew I would never be able to get it out of my head.  Which is funny, because it is all about being in your head.  I love this video because it incorporates something very relatable to me.  Some of my attachment in this life has to do with electronic music, and combining music with imagery and profound words really gets my heart going.  I feel joy, joy, joy!  What can I say?

I love this poem by Rinpoche because it expresses the passion I have in my heart to explore perception also in a relatable way.  In the end of the video he says:

When you’re happy, I’m happy.
That’s the formula.
First you, then me.
That’s all happiness is…
It’s just the heart being free.

The ignorant mind’s primary sense of being comes from the idea that it’s just “me”.  It strives to prove every day that we are separate from one another through habitual thinking.  But when you decide to train your mind to think outside of itself, and see that everyone’s experience around us is our experience then happiness becomes abundant.  When we see happiness in others, it grows within us.  Envision a garden that thrives in the joy of others- that is our heart.

I remember coming home one night from a dinner stopping at an intersection with a homeless man holding a sign in need of assistance.  It was probably 30 degrees outside and 8:30 pm. I had nothing but a $20 bill, so I decided to just give it to him.  All I could do was cry with joy on my way home because he felt so happy.  Doing things for others changes our self-perception from being all about me, to being all about us.  This is the development of purposeful perception, and another opportunity to love from the heart.

Please share this video with others if you feel inspired by it too.

“Let’s Rock Big Love!”  Jessica

Weekly Writing Challenge: Carry Me to the Stars

This is a poem and photo story displaying my heart’s connection with the perception expressed in the poem- connecting the words with pictures I have taken on my journey to a more purposeful perception daily in my life.  The journey is important, as it is part of reflecting where our perceptions have come from.  I urge you to reflect in your heart where your most limiting self perceptions play out in your life regularly and share in this blog.  Remember to scroll down and click through each page!

Remembering feelings sparked by a note
A sound, so sweet and subtle
Only your heart knows it is there
Giving rise to feelings light
You forget what is weighing you down

IMG_1082The ignorant mind trailing behind you like a predator
Wondering why you are not paying attention
In its small, small world
A perspective limited and stuck without motion

025 (2)Yet my heart- tugging me forward like a child
I shall follow, carry me into this knowing
Remind me of what it is to be
So light and airy- remind me of love’s truth

076A truth so full it explodes in the sky before me
Yet it continues to be, forever full.