Tag Archives: self-love

Heartbroken? Keep on Dancing.

Grief, Life Coach, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Recommended Reading Soundtrack:  Nothing Matters When We’re Dancing by Magnetic Fields on 69 Love Songs

Right now, my heart is broken.  I feel a compelling desire to write about it and connect with all of you who similarly feel the same teary-eyed dinginess that surfaces when you get in your car and turn on the radio, only to be confronted with senseless violence and a loss of life.  A moment in time when a celebration of life turned into a final farewell.

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They say emotions are the life blood of creativity.  When I write, my emotions are definitely a driving force in what I choose to express and share with the world.  That’s why some of the best songs, stories or poems are about heartbreak.

And heartbreak comes in many forms.   Think Walt Whitman’s “Oh Captain, My Captain.”  Or, “The Day the Music Died” and American Pie by Don McClean.  I could go on for hours.  And I must add for the record- the heartbreak I’m referring to is not a marketing “brand.”  Seriously?  (For more info on this new ego tripping idea, I suggest you read this recent article headline in The Guardian – gripping indeed.)

The geek in me can’t help but feel a disturbance in the force.  We’re all connected and when something like this happens it is hard not to feel like crap.  The one thing I thought immediately when I heard the news from Orlando was that the attacker was not what the media was portraying him to be.  There was something lurking under the surface and it made my heart hurt.  This stuff about terrorism just seemed like another smoke screen used by a lost and desperate soul willing to do anything to make others feel as miserable as himself.

darkness_consciousTo deny our truth, to hate ourselves – this is truly one of the greatest motivators for violence on this planet.  Jung said this about inner denial and the shadow that leads weak minds like the Orlando attacker (I refuse to write his name) down a path of utter disregard for life.

“The change of character brought about by the uprush of collective forces is amazing. A gentle and reasonable being can be transformed into a maniac or a savage beast. One is always inclined to lay the blame on external circumstances, but nothing could explode in us if it had not been there. As a matter of fact, we are constantly living on the edge of a volcano, and there is, so far as we know, no way of protecting ourselves from a possible outburst that will destroy everybody within reach.”  Carl Jung, Psychology and Religion” (1938). In CW 11: Psychology and Religion: West and East. P.25

You can’t help but notice the brutal irony of this shadow that has acted out during a celebration of pride in owning your true self.

The outpouring of love has been tremendous by so many since early Sunday morning.  As I scroll through Facebook I find myself in tears again and again as I witness messages of kindness and a desire to pull together and become the greatest version of our collective self.  One of those that really moved me was Jimmy Fallon’s statement regarding this devastating event.

Keep on dancing.

Fallon gave an emotional speech in response to Orlando’s tragic event which he graciously ended with “Keep loving each other.  Keep respecting each other.  And, Keep on dancing.”

As I became an adult one of my favorite places to dance and just be myself was a popular gay-owned bar in DC called Tracks.  Tracks was the kind of place that welcomed everybody.  The diversity in their events brought people from all walks of life together- gay and straight.  It was a place that enabled me to simply feel safe to express myself and grow as an individual.  I’m assuming the Pulse nightclub was very similar.

After 9/11 happened I remember sitting in my living room in Mt. Pleasant, DC, with friends sharing in our grief.  The images on the television just escalated from the worse to the worst imaginable.  Much like the Orlando shootings, I wish I could just be in a living room with those that I love, even strangers, just to know that I am connected in this grief.

It is easy to become isolated in this world of technology, but on the flip side it is also easy to feel how connected we all are in sharing our compassionate selves through words, music, pictures.  Although this may not be the same as the touch of someone’s hand upon yours when you feel emotionally isolated, life is worth the big love that you infuse into it every day.

That in itself is one of the greatest actions we could take in honor of those that lost their lives this week. Being there for one another, and to keep on dancing.

Let’s Rock Big Love!

Loneliness Kicked My Achy Breaky Heart

Carl Jung, DPChallenge, Ego, Gratefulness, Life Coach, Self Perception, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Recommended Reading Soundtrack:  Transcendental Blues by Steve Earl

When I was young, I remember being in the car with my Mom when the Hall and Oates song “Maneater” was playing on the radio. I was singing along, “Whoa, here she comes. Watch out boy, she’ll ‘chew your BUTT.” Laughter ensued by my mom, of course. If you don’t know that song (and I definitely wouldn’t hold it against you if you haven’t!), there is a reason as to why that was so funny.

Yes, my ears and brain had a few wires crossed and I actually confused the word “butt” with “up.” Oh, the sound of melancholy 80s pop love songs- the turmoil of Madonna in her song “Crazy for You.” Picture me in the back seat of our white Dodge Minivan, afraid at the humble age of 12 of the prospect of being alone for the rest of my life. Alone, alone, ALONE. Really!?

When I started thinking about what my greatest teacher in life has been, my heart met my mind in front of the great Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz. All kind of directions were popping up, but I was led to an unexpected place within myself. The thoughts opened the door to the root of my life’s greatest fear, and greatest teacher- the fear of being alone, abandoned, all by my lonesome with my own “Achy Breaky Heart.” The fact that I can’t stand country music makes the fear that much more substantiated.

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Loneliness, once my mind’s arch enemy, has become my best friend. Without it I could never have seen the truth of who I am- like a mirror on display simultaneously within me and outside of me. It has taught me time and again the opposite- that I am never alone as I exist in everything I feel, perceive around me.

Once, when I was confronting all the reasons I believed no one would want me and I would die as Bridget Jones’ version of a lonely old “spinster,” and eventually be eaten by wild dogs, I was bluntly asked, “Are you crazy?” He continued, this stranger that was deeply involved in one of the most difficult confession sessions I had ever completed, “Why would you ever believe those things about yourself?”

That question turned out to be one that I am grateful for every day. This fear of being alone has led me on a journey of inner knowing, a “wild goose chase” if you will, that I never thought was possible. Through all the “crazy,” the tears, the crippling mental self flagellation, I have come out to the world with the understanding that it was only me, myself and I that could attempt to isolate myself from my truth and the people that operate within it.

reflectionoflightWhat is my truth? That in every laugh, impulsive reaction of every person I find annoying, adore, or look up to- there I am. No, I don’t have multiple personality disorder, but what I do have is a case of being human. The most difficult and awesome part of the experience is that all I see in others is a simple reflection of me.

In the end of the film, While You Were Sleeping, when Bullock’s character Lucy confesses she really is not the fiancé of the man she is about to marry, she explains to mother, father, grandmother, godfather, and sister, that she simply fell in love with not just her fiancé, but ALL of them. And just like that, she was never alone again. Through the fear of my greatest teacher (and many Cure songs of course) I have found a path to loving and appreciating all parts of myself within everyone I encounter. And I am ever abundantly more in love with all aspects of being human, every day.

Finding the Value in the Undervalued

DPChallenge, Life Coach, Perception, Self Perception, , , , , , , ,

It’s New Year’s. I’m celebrating with friends in DC. My DJ husband is spinning records, doing his usual ignore while drinking a bottle of Jack.

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It turns midnight. I’m alone. Another man makes eye contact, and kisses my cheek. I realize I don’t value myself. Another negative self-perception to confront.

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Owning Your Uncool

Acceptance, Compassion, Film, Forgiveness, Gratefulness, Perception, Self Perception, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone else when we’re uncool. Lester Bangs, Almost Famous

There is a great scene in the film “The Holiday” when Kate Winslet’s character, Iris, is so distraught over hearing the news of her ex’s engagement that she starts breathing in gas from her stove as she is getting ready to light the flame for a cup of tea.  She then realizes what she is doing and scrambles to open the window, finishing the moment with a mumble to herself, “Low point!”

I love this scene because it reminds me of our humanity and the vulnerability we carry in our hearts that result in situations in our lives that really are “UNCOOL.”  It makes me laugh every time.  The scene has become an unfailing reflection of my own relationship foibles.  As I have opened this article with a quote that I also love, from another film (yes, I am a cinematic nut job), I can’t help but refer to it over and over again in my own life.  A lot of getting over our self- judgments that usually result in some misguided perception about who we are, is about owning those moments in our lives where we really do hit those “low points” and seriously act “uncool.”  Iris’s goofy attempt at poisoning herself with gas from her stove qualifies as one of these moments for me.

There has been a lot of talk over the past week about Miley Cyrus’s performance at the MTV VMA awards, and it has been funny to see many people’s reactions here on WordPress with the weekly writing challenge incorporating it as a guideline.  Most people don’t want to give any energy to the topic and the hype of this pop performance dilemma.  I totally understand it, as a person myself who has always rejected in some way through my own musical snobbery such mainstream musical gunk- which is why I have always related to the main characters in Almost Famous.

But I can’t help but notice that even those that don’t want to give any energy to the event still do by feeling the need to make their statement.  When I finally had a second to actually watch the video, I found myself laughing out loud- really.  Why?  Because here was a person engaged in one of those “low points,” one of those “uncool” moments where her immaturity outweighed whatever it was she was trying to do on that stage.  To me her performance was no different than a bunch of 13 year old awkward boys or girls having a sleep over acting outlandish about sex, a topic they don’t know anything about but want to be “cool.”

In my heart, I can’t help but be grateful that I now have enough wisdom to honor Cyrus’s process of growing up amidst all the labeling on this planet and the continuous blubbering over one concern to another regarding pop artists and what they are teaching our kids or what they say about our society as a whole.  In the end, we have to all own our “uncool” moments for what they are and love ourselves because there is nothing else left that is real but that love.  One day, I’m sure Ms. Cyrus will own her “uncool” also and be a person she herself can fully love rather than seek the hype surrounding celebrity marketing and drama.

Remembering to be grateful for what we have rather than what we don't have.

It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To!

Acceptance, Attachment, Ego, Faith, Gratefulness, Mindfulness, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

How easy is it to forget about all the wonderful we have in our lives and focus on what we don’t have?  My inner “Stubborn Suzy” rears her pretty little head again and wants things a certain way in order to be “happy.”  But often times there is a greater plan taking place and it is impossible to know all the moving pieces taking place so those big miracles can happen.

"Love is like oxygen!" Moulin Rouge
“Love is like oxygen!” Moulin Rouge

Yet.  There is often this part of me that wonders…why do I have an innate desire to do something that is NOT happening?  Maybe it is happening, just not as quickly as my flowering ego would like it to happen?  But sometimes there is this part of me that feels like Ewan McGregor in Baz Luhrmann’s Moulin Rouge.  That scene where he talks about love, and exclaims “love is like oxygen,” yet no one around him gets it, no one will believe him.

In the end his character suffers a painful fate when the person he finally gets to sing his love song to dies in his arms.  There are moments when this is how I feel as life changes, and these little aspects of myself have to be let go into that abyss of the unknown.  They die, and I must love and accept them so that they can make that transition.

WHY?

Why do we feel so wired to do something, yet feel like it is not going anywhere?  Why does it feel so difficult to just let go?  My “Stubborn Suzy” feels angry and wants to throw a temper tantrum.  She just wants to tell the universe to bugger off.   She wants everyone to know that it really is her party, and she can cry if she wants to.  What is it that my “Stubborn Suzy” really needs, right now?

Honestly?  I just don’t know.  I’ll have to simply try and have a little faith in the way my heart feels, and that eventually its creations will surface in a form I will recognize.  And my  heart will again sing its love song.

REFLECTION EXERCISE

What are you grateful for today?  What area in your life have you felt resentful about and wished that it were different?  Ask yourself what aspect of yourself feels like it should be different and why?  Write for 5 minutes about what you have accomplished, and how that is contributing to the “bigger picture.”  Remember, it is impossible to see all the surprises the universe has in store for you, just have faith that they are on their way.  Love yourself big!

Visualize This- Untying the Roots of Perception

Acceptance, Attachment, Awareness, Ego, Empowerment, Love, Mind, Perception, Self Perception, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sometimes this picture is the perfect physical expression of how I feel inside.  When I look at this picture right now, I see a beautiful Buddha.  A representation of the creative, divine nature of my being slowly emerging from the lanky, strong root system of an ancient tree obscuring my truth and happiness at this very moment.  That’s right folks, I said it- an ancient tree rooted into the ground with all its might.  Such are my old perceptions and belief systems that give rise to this feeling of helplessness and a desire to run like Forrest Gump from the fire I have created (2 Tom Hanks’ references in once sentence- yes!).  Here I am, wrapped up in feelings that must be connected to a place where my ignorant mind dwells searching for an identity that doesn’t exist like a child playing a game.

I am face to face literally with this part of my existence that is grasping in the form of attachment to some perception of who I am supposed to be- yes this is really how I feel!  This perception is the root I see in this beautiful picture, linked to a feeling of massive overwhelm.  At times I simply wonder why life can feel like this grueling process of emergence when it has the potential to be so simple and easy.  How do we move these roots of obscuration out of way? I hear myself singing the same old song of expectations on how I am “supposed” to be feeling.

It’s Process Time!

When you look at this picture, what do you perceive at this moment?  Start with your feelings and ask yourself-

“What moment, person, or expectation do these feelings link to in my ignorant mind?”

Then breathe in the awareness you have shined into your heart.

Feel how simple it is to love yourself, no matter what you see in the world around you.

Ask to see any barriers you might be imagining between you and your greatest desires and imagine them easily dissolving in this love.

There is an excerpt from a poem by Anne Hillman in the book “365 Prayers, Blessings, and Affirmations to Celebrate the Human Journey” by Elizabeth Roberts and Elias Amidon that I’d like to share as it relates-

As we experience and accept
All that we really are…
We grow in care.
We begin to embrace others
As ourselves, and learn to live
As one among many…

Let’s Rock Big Love together everyone, we’re all we truly have on this human journey.