Tag Archives: Boundaries

I AM Napoleon Dynamite

April 18, 2014Boundaries, Co-dependent, Ego, Life Coach, Self PerceptionAbout a Boy, Billy Idol, Boundaries, co-dependent, Dancing with Myself, Ego, Empowerment, Killing me Softly, Life, life coach, Liger, Napoleon Dynamite, Perception, purposeful perception, Roberta Flack, Self PerceptionBorn to Be

Okay, maybe I am really not Napoleon Dynamite in form- but in a lot of ways inside, I am. Time and again, I am humbled through the recognition that I AM everything I see in others…even an odd dude who draws magical animals like “ligers” and some how musters the courage to do an awesome dance to “Canned Heat” by Jamiroquai on stage in front of a crowd of some of the most potentially judgmental people around, high school students! Like Will states to Marcus in the film About a Boy before he steps on stage with a tambourine and sings “Killing Me Softly” by Roberta Flack, “It’s social suicide!”

Mis-perception Blues

This past week, I’ve had a case of the “mis-perception blues,” so to speak. So I’ve been looking outside myself for some inspiration to reflect back to my skewed inner world. As I was running I just thought about the legendary Napoleon Dynamite who embraced nerdiness and the desire to help a friend win the school election no matter the potential consequences. And so, this is my monthly outing of myself as a total nerd that sometimes rocks out to Billy Idol’s “Dancing with Myself” in my bedroom- alone.

Every once in awhile we are pushed to do some soul searching on our own negative qualities as we feel overwhelmed by others that assert themselves into our lives. The ego part of me wanted to just bow out, curl up in my pajamas and eat cheese puffs while talking to the psychic network. Fortunately, I chose to confront the inner demon head on and readjust my camera lens in an effort to make some changes in my life.

Winona Ryder's character in film Reality Bites, couching it. — Winona Ryder’s character in film Reality Bites, couching it.

Instead of hiding, I’m recognizing that I’ve had a problem with thinking that what I am able to give to others will determine how they will perceive me and give me approval. For me moving forward, relationships, whether they are friendships, business partners, or family, are based on good boundaries and simply liking and respecting one another. And like Napoleon Dynamite, I can get up on that stage with my puffy black high tops (well, more like platform sandals) and my “Vote for Pedro” t-shirt and ROCK OUT! Thank you audience in advance for applauding and not throwing bottles at my head.

Finding the Value in the Undervalued

April 9, 2014DPChallenge, Life Coach, Perception, Self PerceptionBoundaries, DPchallenge, Empowerment, Life, New Years, Perception, Self Perception, self-love, Washington DCBorn to Be

It’s New Year’s. I’m celebrating with friends in DC. My DJ husband is spinning records, doing his usual ignore while drinking a bottle of Jack.

It turns midnight. I’m alone. Another man makes eye contact, and kisses my cheek. I realize I don’t value myself. Another negative self-perception to confront.

WHERE’S YOUR HEAD AT?

June 6, 2013Acceptance, Boundaries, Ego, Forgiveness, Heal, lessons, Life, Life Coach, oneness, Power, Self Perception, self-help, transformation, UncategorizedAcceptance, basement jaxx, Boundaries, forgiveness, Heal, Life, love, oneness, peace, Perception, Release, Self Perception, self-loveBorn to Be

Does your mind ever feel like this? Picture by Katie Lee found on VisualizeUS at http://vi.sualize.us/by_katie_lee_photography_balloons_inspiration_beautiful_picture_5zqt.html — Does your mind ever feel like this? Picture by Katie Lee found on VisualizeUS

A long time ago during my partying days, a group of my friends and I loved to rock out to the electronica song “Where’s you’re head at?” by Basement Jaxx. I remember dancing on the rooftop of my friends’ enormous shared house on California Street in Washington DC during the summer when the low air quality fog hung over the city as the sun would try to peak through making it more amplified- and soon, you could always count on that song. Why am I rambling about this song? Because I realize how this song has revisited me in a new era of my life, where I am always reflecting on just that- where is my head at?

It is a perfect question at a perfect time where half of what I am reflecting on is perception and mind. In breaking down perception, the basis for my upcoming book, reflecting on your state of mind and how you are about to react to something is a valuable tool for living a life that is authentic and uncompromising. What I do realize is that most of the time we are completely unaware of where our head is at- tethered like a balloon full of helium just bobbing along and carried off by any slight wind.

Just recently I orchestrated a large event and made a mistake that really upset someone. When the victim of my own confused and overwhelmed mind confronted me about it, she expressed with great emotion her unhappiness. I felt terrible and could not get the moment out of my mind. I had a running tape of it secured tightly, rolling over and over again. I relived my own feelings of shame and guilt without end.

When I went to bed that night, I had to acknowledge a few things in order to let it go.

1- Forgiveness of Self- I made a mistake, but running a tape of the incident over and over again in my head was completely unproductive and would give me nothing but more negative “feelings.”

2- Acceptance & Boundaries- I said I was sorry, over and over again, but she chose to still be extremely upset. It is her choice alone. There is nothing I could do to change how she felt. This is a good boundary- that everyone is responsible for their own choices, and that includes in how they react. My only role would be acceptance, and staying in my integrity.

3- Release & Heal- In accepting and creating a good boundary, the one thing I did have the power to do was envision this other person engaged in feelings of love and happiness. I bathed the situation in love, and let it go. Even in our boundary setting, which is primarily a function of the ego-driven mind, I can also recognize that we are inherently connected in spirit, and sending love and envisioning the situation transformed, it will help heal no matter what my mind tells me.

I acknowledge I still feel a little shame. And I shall need to work on that, continuing with the above process. But most importantly, I also have the opportunity to practice the new perception in my life that is at the core of my past experiences with situations like this one-

I AM LOVABLE.

Even though I made a mistake as we all do, or else what is the purpose of this life, I am not unlovable, as I might have acted out in the past. But due to awareness, and processing my old perception of self, I can now come out of situations like that empowered with the knowledge of exactly where my head is at. Time to groove on!