A long time ago during my partying days, a group of my friends and I loved to rock out to the electronica song “Where’s you’re head at?” by Basement Jaxx. I remember dancing on the rooftop of my friends’ enormous shared house on California Street in Washington DC during the summer when the low air quality fog hung over the city as the sun would try to peak through making it more amplified- and soon, you could always count on that song. Why am I rambling about this song? Because I realize how this song has revisited me in a new era of my life, where I am always reflecting on just that- where is my head at?
It is a perfect question at a perfect time where half of what I am reflecting on is perception and mind. In breaking down perception, the basis for my upcoming book, reflecting on your state of mind and how you are about to react to something is a valuable tool for living a life that is authentic and uncompromising. What I do realize is that most of the time we are completely unaware of where our head is at- tethered like a balloon full of helium just bobbing along and carried off by any slight wind.
Just recently I orchestrated a large event and made a mistake that really upset someone. When the victim of my own confused and overwhelmed mind confronted me about it, she expressed with great emotion her unhappiness. I felt terrible and could not get the moment out of my mind. I had a running tape of it secured tightly, rolling over and over again. I relived my own feelings of shame and guilt without end.
When I went to bed that night, I had to acknowledge a few things in order to let it go.
1- Forgiveness of Self- I made a mistake, but running a tape of the incident over and over again in my head was completely unproductive and would give me nothing but more negative “feelings.”
2- Acceptance & Boundaries- I said I was sorry, over and over again, but she chose to still be extremely upset. It is her choice alone. There is nothing I could do to change how she felt. This is a good boundary- that everyone is responsible for their own choices, and that includes in how they react. My only role would be acceptance, and staying in my integrity.
3- Release & Heal- In accepting and creating a good boundary, the one thing I did have the power to do was envision this other person engaged in feelings of love and happiness. I bathed the situation in love, and let it go. Even in our boundary setting, which is primarily a function of the ego-driven mind, I can also recognize that we are inherently connected in spirit, and sending love and envisioning the situation transformed, it will help heal no matter what my mind tells me.
I acknowledge I still feel a little shame. And I shall need to work on that, continuing with the above process. But most importantly, I also have the opportunity to practice the new perception in my life that is at the core of my past experiences with situations like this one-
I AM LOVABLE.
Even though I made a mistake as we all do, or else what is the purpose of this life, I am not unlovable, as I might have acted out in the past. But due to awareness, and processing my old perception of self, I can now come out of situations like that empowered with the knowledge of exactly where my head is at. Time to groove on!
- What Are the Health Effects of Anger and Stress? (stress.answers.com)