Acceptance | Born to Be

OWNING YOUR UNCOOL: THE SERIES- WHAT’S IT ALL ABOUT?

Recommended Reading Soundtrack: Love Won’t Let You Down By Ben Lee featuring Sally Seltmann on A Mixtape from Ben Lee (Click on track 11, you won’t be disappointed!)

In September of 2013 I wrote a blog post in response to a weekly writing challenge about “Owning Your Uncool” rooted in one of my favorite quotes by the character Lester Bangs in Cameron Crowe’s brilliant film, Almost Famous. The quote has become a sort of compass for me in my life, and I find myself inspired by its meaning on a regular basis. Like a ritual, “owning my uncool” is something that I do in order to remain humble, compassionate and engaged with others and myself as we experience our process of living and existing in a confusing ego-driven world.

Lester Bangs’ quote was a response to a rock bottom moment in Almost Famous when the lead character, William, was hit with a tremendous case of self-doubt. His experience taught him that the great music legends he worshiped had a flip side, a culture behind it that was manipulative and egotistical. In other words, he was outliving his naivety and getting acquainted with the dualistic humanity that potentially exists within all of us.

I am excited and inspired to be opening this series with a special “owning your uncool” moment from Aussie musician extraordinaire Ben Lee. As the readers of my blog know, and to the new readers out there- music is an important part of my own journey as a writer and artist. Just one song can change everything! Ben Lee has been one of those inspirational artists to me in my own life, so being able to feature him in the opening of this series is basically AWESOME.

A little ditty about Ben Lee, from me.

His music is honest and a constantly evolving reflection of his heart. Breathing Tornadoes was one of those albums that I could listen to over and over again. When I moved a world away from Washington, DC to Santa Fe, NM, I was caught up in the moment of learning how to be true to myself in a foreign social landscape. And yet, Breathing Tornadoes seems like light years away from his newest music. His 2015 tour is in full swing with the release of his newest album, Love Is the Great Rebellion. Australian Stage Tix calls his music “upbeat, heart-on-sleeve pop.”

Being true to yourself in a wacky world full of expectations and projections can quickly become a challenge to simply not get sucked into the black hole of “who you’re supposed to be.” In anything we do, putting yourself out there takes courage because there will always be those that make their living through criticizing. With that said, below is Ben Lee’s answer to a question that is about showing the world we are all human and struggle. We don’t have to be alone in our struggles- even the most successful people have had their fair share of feeling insecure and realizing that their perception of the world was not necessarily the truth.

“I won’t hide, and you won’t win!” Ben Lee

Me: Can you tell my readers about a time in your life, where you felt that same “uncool” and isolation inside as the character in Almost Famous, and how you used that moment to propel yourself forward in your life?

Lee: I remember being 14 and getting a stack of bad reviews from the English press sent to me by my label. They thought I would find it funny, but being 14, and having not yet developed any kind of thick skin, I was quite devastated. I was shocked. I couldn’t believe the brutality of them. The teasing. The resentment. I had never been exposed to that degree of vehemence. It knocked the wind out of me.

Later, after processing the unexpected loss of innocence I knew what I had to do. I cut each of the reviews up, made a collage of them, and included them in the artwork for the first Noise Addict album. It was an act of alchemy. I suddenly took control of the situation and wore the ridicule that I had been subjected to with an effortless act of defiance and pride.

Obviously, this was a temporary solution. There have been deeper levels at which I, like every other artist, have needed to confront my own need for validation, fame and success. I have had to systematically tear down these false idols, and continue down the path of artistry towards my ultimate goal. But in that moment, I did something important. I stood up and said “I won’t hide, and you won’t win”. And that was the beginning of my understanding of true success.

Me: Thanks Ben! Your authenticity rocks, I am grateful for the role your creative endeavors have played in my life. I hope that everyone reading your response will take away something inspiring, and make the personal decision to also not hide their light out of fear of the critics.

I once heard you say that “the process is the actual award.” There are times when we might feel like Winona Ryder’s character in Reality Bites as she slowly sinks into the bell jar with every move we make to better a situation. But we can shift that moment with a new perception rooted in “Love as the Great Rebellion.” When we’re in it, it’s hard to see outside of our foggy glasses of self doubt. Let’s Rock Big Love!

You can check out more about Lee’s music at his website, http://www.ben-lee.com, or on his Facebook page.

Does your mind ever feel like this? Picture by Katie Lee found on VisualizeUS at http://vi.sualize.us/by_katie_lee_photography_balloons_inspiration_beautiful_picture_5zqt.html — Does your mind ever feel like this? Picture by Katie Lee found on VisualizeUS

A long time ago during my partying days, a group of my friends and I loved to rock out to the electronica song “Where’s you’re head at?” by Basement Jaxx. I remember dancing on the rooftop of my friends’ enormous shared house on California Street in Washington DC during the summer when the low air quality fog hung over the city as the sun would try to peak through making it more amplified- and soon, you could always count on that song. Why am I rambling about this song? Because I realize how this song has revisited me in a new era of my life, where I am always reflecting on just that- where is my head at?

It is a perfect question at a perfect time where half of what I am reflecting on is perception and mind. In breaking down perception, the basis for my upcoming book, reflecting on your state of mind and how you are about to react to something is a valuable tool for living a life that is authentic and uncompromising. What I do realize is that most of the time we are completely unaware of where our head is at- tethered like a balloon full of helium just bobbing along and carried off by any slight wind.

Just recently I orchestrated a large event and made a mistake that really upset someone. When the victim of my own confused and overwhelmed mind confronted me about it, she expressed with great emotion her unhappiness. I felt terrible and could not get the moment out of my mind. I had a running tape of it secured tightly, rolling over and over again. I relived my own feelings of shame and guilt without end.

When I went to bed that night, I had to acknowledge a few things in order to let it go.

1- Forgiveness of Self- I made a mistake, but running a tape of the incident over and over again in my head was completely unproductive and would give me nothing but more negative “feelings.”

2- Acceptance & Boundaries- I said I was sorry, over and over again, but she chose to still be extremely upset. It is her choice alone. There is nothing I could do to change how she felt. This is a good boundary- that everyone is responsible for their own choices, and that includes in how they react. My only role would be acceptance, and staying in my integrity.

3- Release & Heal- In accepting and creating a good boundary, the one thing I did have the power to do was envision this other person engaged in feelings of love and happiness. I bathed the situation in love, and let it go. Even in our boundary setting, which is primarily a function of the ego-driven mind, I can also recognize that we are inherently connected in spirit, and sending love and envisioning the situation transformed, it will help heal no matter what my mind tells me.

I acknowledge I still feel a little shame. And I shall need to work on that, continuing with the above process. But most importantly, I also have the opportunity to practice the new perception in my life that is at the core of my past experiences with situations like this one-

I AM LOVABLE.

Even though I made a mistake as we all do, or else what is the purpose of this life, I am not unlovable, as I might have acted out in the past. But due to awareness, and processing my old perception of self, I can now come out of situations like that empowered with the knowledge of exactly where my head is at. Time to groove on!