Tag Archives: holiday stress

Holiday Madness Treasures in the Random Overheard

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Recommended Reading Soundtrack:  Make it Home by Juliana Hatfield (classic from holiday episode of My So Called Life!)

When I read this week’s writing challenge topic, I found myself in a whirlwind listening to my little world’s background noise of random people, radio show hosts, television, films and even my own tragic mind that never seems to stop talking. I thought to myself, “What might I overhear that could hold the potential of “interesting,” “hilarious,” “witty” or even “thought provoking?”” I was on the hunt, and- I wasn’t having much luck in any of those departments. I ended up resorting to something completely different!

One of my favorite columns in local city papers is the “Overheard” column. In this little paragraph blurb there is always something amusing and maybe not provocative, but just plain bewildering. So, I ended up turning to the internet which we all know is chock-full of random little diddles! When what to my wondering eyes did appear, but an awesome website that catalogs random “overheard” tidbits to make us all laugh (and maybe cry depending on your mood). One of my favorites stood out like a sore thumb in the spirit of the upcoming holiday season kick off, so I thought I would ponder it a little- with you of course!

Guy on cell: My mom’s husband is my dad’s wife’s ex-husband. Now you know why I live in Seattle–as far away as I can get on the continental US.

Bank of America
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Thinking holidays must be rough
Posted November 7, 2014 on http://www.overheardeverywhere.com

Much like a scene in a film depicting the one thing everyone loves about holidays, family drama, this overheard statement provokes many of my own favorite scenes that have been burned into my brain through incessant movie watching. I love these types of scenes because they give me the opportunity to laugh at my own personal drama like a coping mechanism. It’s not always easy to remember when that anxiety needle is moving higher and higher to meltdown level in the middle of a situation, but our experiences are linked to our own emotional past.

Stepping back and taking a look at what might be upsetting us from the vantage point of a random passer-by overhearing our conversation might make things a little easier, and in the end, even make us laugh. A lot of people feel technology has made us as human beings more isolated. There are moments when I want to pull my hair out- like when your boss that is in an office right next to your cube refuses to just speak to you and prefers an on-going 1 hour conversation/argument via email.

But there are also moments like standing in a bank and overhearing someone talk about the complexities of their life on a cell phone in a way that helps you cope with your own personal stress. As Thanksgiving in the US slowly creeps around the corner (1 week away, ALERT!), my heart has begun its annual craving for the film Home for the Holidays with classic Anne Bancroft, Holly Hunter and Robert Downey, Jr and directed by Jodie Foster.

turkey_home_holidaysThere is a scene in this film where Downey’s character is cutting 1 of the 2 family turkeys at Thanksgiving dinner, and he accidentally flings it across the table at his angry, intolerant sister. His sister literally blows her top/loses her mind and hurls bigoted expletives at her gay brother like Will Ferrell in Elf’s legendary snowball fight. At first you can’t believe the verbal diarrhea that’s landing in everyone’s food is real. But minutes later everyone recovers through their own sense of humor by sharing their also “not so great” life moments. Owning our “uncool” can be a challenging process, but when we share it with others it brings us closer to one another. It breaks down the invisible fence that we create between one another due to perception and allows us to see that everyone has some life hurdle playing on repeat in their mind and heart. Can you say, “Expectations?”

Maybe now I will keep my antenna up and be a little more cognizant of what people are talking about around me. You never know what door a complete stranger will open for my own mind’s perceptual barriers! Treasures are lurking everywhere, even in the most unexpected places. Perhaps these treasures are the real gifts of our holiday season?

Credit:  Featured picture of tree & lights by Beverly LeFevre, sold on Etsy.

My Funny Valentines- A Lumineers Moment

DPChallenge, Gratefulness, Grief, Life Coach, Love, Mindfulness, Stress, , , , , , , , , , , ,

There are moments in our lives when we are given the great privilege to witness a deep, unimaginable love.  It is during such moments that I wish I could bottle it up.  And, whenever I feel a moment of high-test overwhelm or forgetfulness of what is most important in life, I could just pull it off a shelf, remove the top and take a nice deep breath.  Perhaps that is why writing is so important to me, as it gives us that opportunity to hold fast to those moments in our hearts, and share them with the rest of the world in high hopes that it will simply multiply with every reader’s eyes and connecting spirit.  Although, you wouldn’t know it by the unexplainable break I have taken from blogging!

My grandmother, Gertie, holding one of my favorite vocalists, my niece- Shaili.
My grandmother, Gertie, holding one of my favorite vocalists, my niece- Shaili.

But this daily prompt is another perfect opportunity to get back into the game of connecting with the brilliant hearts and minds reading this blog now.  A year ago today, my grandmother, Gertie, passed away after a long life in a place called Long Island.  With her passing I was left with one of those cherished privileges to witness this deep love that I have described, that resulted from a grand moment of togetherness and a mutual experience of grief.  As her funeral occurred over “Valentine’s Day 2013” it would seem uncanny to not take this opportunity to recognize not only my grandmother, but also my entire family, as “My Funny Valentines” this year (I’m allowed more than one Valentine, right?).

It happened at the end.  Bonding through wake after wake, and then the solidifying funeral.  There we all were, hanging out in the living room of my Uncle Joe and Aunt Sue.  My Uncle Joe’s obsession with DVR “cheese” was taking place over the television, and everyone was exhausted eating their desserts after a final meal together.  But there was one gem within his DVR madness- the song “Ho Hey” performed by the Lumineers at the most recent Grammy Award celebration.  My little niece and nephew, who were both 3 and 2 years old at the time, loved to divide the chorus between the two of them.

My 3 year old niece, belting out the words “I belong with you, you belong with me, you’re my sweetheart!”

My 2 year old nephew doing the same with, “Ho!  Hey!  Ho!  Hey!”

We all sang with them in our melancholy and gratefulness, hence that song does not play to this day without the appearance of a tear running down my face.  I love you all, my funny valentines!  And most of all, I thank you grandma, for bringing us together at the end of your life for a smashing moment of enduring love that will flourish in my heart forever.  Just remember, “I belong with you, you belong with me, you’re my sweetheart!”

In the spirit of the infinite space that resides within our hearts, I say let’s just “Rock Big Love” this week anyway, and forget about the hallmark holiday!

IN AN INSTANT- LIFE REMEMBERED

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Peace Doves

“Then, in the nightmare of Monday and Tuesday, there was the struggle to keep normal when planes zoomed overhead and guns cracked out at an unseen enemy. There was blackout and suspicion riding the back of wild rumors: Parachutists in the hills! Poison in your food! Starvation and death were all that was left in a tourist bureau paradise.”

Betty McIntosh, Hono­lulu after Pearl Harbor: A report published for the first time, 71 years later, Washington Post 12/7/12

This morning, the anniversary of Pearl Harbor, I opened up my Washington Post to an amazing experience.  An article written by a now 97 year old woman named Betty McIntosh who was a journalist in Hawaii the day Pearl Harbor took place.  The Washington Post published her article today after 71 years has passed, as the paper she wrote for in Hawaii deemed it too graphic and traumatic for its readers at the time.  The article was written 7 days after Pearl Harbor took place, a piece about the woman’s perspective of a war that began with great uncertainty and fear, during a time that many people view from their heart and safe place in the US- the holidays.

In reading the article, I felt emotional and wanted to relate her experiences to something deep inside of me that continues on its human course to heal.  This journey that we are all on ebbs and flows with our fear and our light’s inner knowing.  We oscillate between feelings of love and safety to feelings of uncertainty and sadness.  The pendulum between the ego-driven mind and our connection to the divine, our inherent truth.

“For seven ghastly, confused days, we have been at war. To the women of Hawaii, it has meant a total disruption of home life, a sudden acclimation to blackout nights, terrifying rumors, fear of the unknown as planes drone overhead and lorries shriek through the streets.”

Betty McIntosh points out how on the morning of Pearl Harbor it was a lazy Sunday with people coming out of church still in their reality that a war could not possibly be taking place on their island.  Her narrative takes us on a journey of coming to terms with the reality.  Yes, a war was taking place, and as she walked deeper and deeper into that reality she saw things that shattered the safe place that most knew to be home.  The forest of destruction became thicker with every movement.  There are people still experiencing this in our world, every day, coming to terms with the expansiveness of the human existence and how our reality can so easily be shaken because it is so tightly bound with our expectations and what we are “used” to.

In our experience as fragile human beings, I find it important to remember that each day we could still possibly experience this same thing including our own death.  We don’t know what plane will be ready to take off in our reality and we can’t count on our expectations because they are rooted in our desires rather than possibility.  The only thing we can count on is our ability to choose our reactions and how we will treat people, what we will do that affects other people.  If we can remember the humanness of our bodies that we experience this reality in every day, we can create a motivation to love.  This is our gift.  It is the greatest gift that we can experience within ourselves and in turn, our experiences with others.  Our oneness will not evaporate like emotion or the quenching of an ego-driven desire.  Our oneness will always be here to reflect on.

During this holiday season, I would like to extend my own kindness to all of you out there in the only way I can- in these words.  I want to say thank you with all of my heart for every moment that you choose to reflect and to love.  Every one of those moments is affecting me right now and my potential to also do good things.  You are my olive branch, you are my peace- and I honor you for all that you have experienced as a human.  Whether those experiences are rooted in trauma or joy, I have experienced the same, and I can relate.

As those during any war come to terms with the darkness in the human existence, I can only honor their experiences of suffering in my own and pray peace.  I pray peace during this holiday season and hope that all may experience it in their interaction with others, so we may all remember that we are simply one.  Pearl Harbor, along with all war, has a purpose now to teach us that life is a pendulum of swinging possibility and to embrace it with a motivation to live in our highest potential.  Let us choose our light and shine, illuminating the path for all to experiences of peace.

LESSONS LEARNED FROM POP CULTURE: HOLIDAY MADNESS – GOOD GRIEF!

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EVER FEEL LIKE THIS?

Forgiveness recognizes what you thought your brother did to you has not occurred.

A Course in Miracles

As we begin the fast approach to the holidays, I have started to think about what causes the most anxiety for people when they think about hanging out with those family members that may drive them crazy.  Growing up we have many experiences that are interpreted by the child mind.  During our younger years it is difficult for us to understand other people’s behavior without making it mean something about us.  This is a large tenant of my coaching work.  It is the whole reason we develop shame from certain experiences and try to cover up our truth, limiting the joy we are able to experience when we grow older.

One way we move on from those experiences and put an end to our attachment to not only our judgment of ourselves, but also the judgment of others is through forgiveness and compassion, which in turn come from developing a new point of view (which can be very difficult).  A big tenant for me in the development of a new point of view has to do with the understanding that what someone does has nothing to do with our interpretation of it.  But the meaning we place on others’ actions contributes to our attachment and continued belief that there is a separate self.  All in all, it contributes to our suffering and prevents us from embracing not only our fullest potential, but seeing the fullest potential in the world around us.

It could play out like this- Charlie Brown is invited to be the director of the Christmas Pageant because he feels depressed due to the holidays by his antagonistic friend Lucy.  He embraces his role as director and is asked to get a big, shiny aluminum tree- maybe even painted pink!  When he is exploring the trees with his best friend Linus, he finds a little one that looks like it needs a little love (which is what Charlie Brown feels like too- projection, anyone?  anyone?)  Thus begins the plight of the “Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.”

When Charlie brings his tree back to the theater to show all his “friends”, everyone reacts badly to his choice- meaning, they react in a way that makes Charlie feel really sad inside.  Charlie takes his little tree and tries to decorate it on his own, give it a little love.  But in his attempt he concludes that maybe his tree really isn’t strong enough after all and abandons his little tree (projection again, anyone?).  When Charlie’s friends find the tree, they decide that the tree was not that bad after all, and they whip it up into shape with colorful lights, ornaments and Linus’s trusty blanket.

When Charlie Brown first felt rejected by his friends due to their reaction to his little tree, he had a choice to see that maybe their reaction was just about a tree and had nothing to do with him.  That their reaction was simply a reaction, but his vulnerability and feelings of holiday anxiety gave way to an interpretation based in fear.  In essence, nothing really occurred in that moment but the meaning he placed on their reaction created more suffering for him.  When we place a meaning on someone’s actions, we also give our power away to them.  In the end, Charlie saw his tree standing strong and illuminated by everyone’s love.  As everyone sang around the tree, he sang and felt joy.  Everything he felt about that tree was a projection regarding what he already felt about himself.  His interpretations all came back to him and his self perception.

No one really does anything to us- it is our interpretation that makes it something.  Our interpretation is rooted in our self perception and how we are feeling at that moment in time- powerless, vulnerable, sad- even happy.  No one can hurt us, we simply say their actions hurt us, and thus reconciliation within must take place.  That reconciliation is forgiveness.  Let joy into your heart through this reconciliation and new awareness so we can all find ourselves singing around Charlie’s illuminated tree without the perceived separated self!