Tag Archives: psychology

Visualize This- Turning Yourself Inside Out

July 11, 2013Awareness, Compassion, Mind, Perception, Self Perceptionawareness, Compassion, Earth, Empowerment, emptiness, Life, life coach, mind, oneness, Outer space, Perception, psychology, purposeful perceptionBorn to Be

Each person we meet contains a part of our wholeness. If you look at a picture of the earth from space- how do you perceive it? It is luminescent, blue, white, brown- a glowing ball in the middle of space. From afar you can’t tell that it literally contains everything we experience in our physical world every day- streets, cars, mountains, people, houses, trees, oceans, rivers, little flowers. Yet every one of these things is a part of the earth’s wholeness.

In thinking about this picture of the earth from the viewpoint of outer space- look at others around you. Think about your own existence.

How is each person in your life like the earth in this picture?

How much is contained and experienced in their life, that makes them who they are, that you simply can’t see with your naked eye?

Now look within. Look at your own life and how much you have going on in it. Everything you see and feel, they experience in their own heart and mind. We are all a microcosm of the macrocosm. Our perceptions are fragile, they are not who we are nor are they who the other person is…they serve as tools to navigate and learn. The foundation of your being exists in what you can’t see from the outside, it is what you see from the inside- always affecting the whole.

“LET’S ROCK BIG LOVE!”™ Jessica
A celebration of our desire to love ourselves Big!

DAILY PROMPT: Confessions of a Co-dependent: Me, Myself & My Helplessness

January 7, 2013Awareness, Buddhism, Co-dependent, Ego, Forgiveness, Karma, Life, Life Coach, Love, Perception, Psychology, Reflection, Self Perception, self-helpbuddhism, co-dependent, Daily Prompt, DPchallenge, Ego, forgiveness, Life, love, oneness, peace, Perception, Power, psychology, Self Perception, self-help, self-loveBorn to Be

Looking back, living life as a co-dependent was like a personal hell that I would re-create through relationships for myself over and over again. I started to feel like Bill Murray in the film Groundhog Day only I didn’t feel like an omnipotent “God” with the advantage of no-calorie pastries, I felt helpless and cursed. I lived my life like an addict, only I was addicted to being needed by others and when I was rejected I didn’t know where to turn. Usually I would turn, but I would just turn in circles like an out of control top who could not tolerate the pain any longer.

Many addicts talk about when they “hit bottom” and my hitting bottom was definitely not something to write home about. As for many, it was one of those experiences that has come back to haunt me in my own “hall of shame” many a time. Understanding co-dependency is very difficult and frustrating for outsiders. We can see certain patterns in people, but it can be trying and difficult to understand why they keep going back to that place of helplessness and loneliness whenever a relationship ends. And why they choose partners that may seem dysfunctional or simply “wrong” for them.

For me, I had deeply ingrained worthiness issues, and I chose people that would prove to me my own personal belief system- that I did not deserve a healthy, thriving relationship that fed my soul on all levels, and that had good boundaries. My lack of boundaries always set me up to fail because I compromised what felt right for me all the time due to my fear of conflict. It would build up until I myself could not handle the situation any longer. But if a breakup came out of left field, it felt like deep abandonment and I had no healthy coping mechanisms to help me get out of my personally fated riptide.

My rock bottom was not the end of my conflict, but it brought a turning point for me in my psyche that I had to take notice of. I was young and already felt tired of having to go through the motions of life. I was confronted with a break up that to me came out of left field. I was a year out of college, and still very co-dependent. When the break-up happened, I felt amazed at how people can make decisions for you and there was nothing you could do about it. But mostly, I felt downtrodden and so helpless that life simply didn’t matter anymore. There was a crack of light from my soul trying to expand itself into my ego-centered vision, but I was refusing to see it.

One night after going out with some friends and drinking I walked into my dark bedroom as if I was walking into a prison cell. I looked out my window and saw the street lamp’s light, and the beautiful leaves from the trees rustling so peacefully. In my heart, I wanted to be those leaves and not myself. I was truly sick of my ego’s helplessness. I then swallowed a bottle of pills. Before going to the hospital, I simply remember this one thought- “why doesn’t anyone love me.” What I had to learn is that my own personal love for myself and the divinity that coursed through my veins was undeveloped, and it was time to move forward. And you know what? I am grateful every day for the grace and karma that I had to take life back by the reins from that experience and remember my truth rather than reject it so I could hold onto a belief system about myself that my ego used every day to create more separation. The great divide within myself had to heal, as it does within all of us. And I look forward to doing this with others for the rest of my life.

IN AN INSTANT- LIFE REMEMBERED

December 7, 2012Buddhism, Ego, heart, holidays, Joy, lessons, Life, Love, oneness, Peace, Pearl Harbor, Perception, Psychology, Reflection, transformation, Uncategorized, Warbuddhism, Ego, holiday stress, joy, lessons, Life, love, oneness, peace, pearl harbor, Perception, psychology, warBorn to Be

“Then, in the nightmare of Monday and Tuesday, there was the struggle to keep normal when planes zoomed overhead and guns cracked out at an unseen enemy. There was blackout and suspicion riding the back of wild rumors: Parachutists in the hills! Poison in your food! Starvation and death were all that was left in a tourist bureau paradise.”

Betty McIntosh, Honolulu after Pearl Harbor: A report published for the first time, 71 years later, Washington Post 12/7/12

This morning, the anniversary of Pearl Harbor, I opened up my Washington Post to an amazing experience. An article written by a now 97 year old woman named Betty McIntosh who was a journalist in Hawaii the day Pearl Harbor took place. The Washington Post published her article today after 71 years has passed, as the paper she wrote for in Hawaii deemed it too graphic and traumatic for its readers at the time. The article was written 7 days after Pearl Harbor took place, a piece about the woman’s perspective of a war that began with great uncertainty and fear, during a time that many people view from their heart and safe place in the US- the holidays.

In reading the article, I felt emotional and wanted to relate her experiences to something deep inside of me that continues on its human course to heal. This journey that we are all on ebbs and flows with our fear and our light’s inner knowing. We oscillate between feelings of love and safety to feelings of uncertainty and sadness. The pendulum between the ego-driven mind and our connection to the divine, our inherent truth.

“For seven ghastly, confused days, we have been at war. To the women of Hawaii, it has meant a total disruption of home life, a sudden acclimation to blackout nights, terrifying rumors, fear of the unknown as planes drone overhead and lorries shriek through the streets.”

Betty McIntosh points out how on the morning of Pearl Harbor it was a lazy Sunday with people coming out of church still in their reality that a war could not possibly be taking place on their island. Her narrative takes us on a journey of coming to terms with the reality. Yes, a war was taking place, and as she walked deeper and deeper into that reality she saw things that shattered the safe place that most knew to be home. The forest of destruction became thicker with every movement. There are people still experiencing this in our world, every day, coming to terms with the expansiveness of the human existence and how our reality can so easily be shaken because it is so tightly bound with our expectations and what we are “used” to.

In our experience as fragile human beings, I find it important to remember that each day we could still possibly experience this same thing including our own death. We don’t know what plane will be ready to take off in our reality and we can’t count on our expectations because they are rooted in our desires rather than possibility. The only thing we can count on is our ability to choose our reactions and how we will treat people, what we will do that affects other people. If we can remember the humanness of our bodies that we experience this reality in every day, we can create a motivation to love. This is our gift. It is the greatest gift that we can experience within ourselves and in turn, our experiences with others. Our oneness will not evaporate like emotion or the quenching of an ego-driven desire. Our oneness will always be here to reflect on.

During this holiday season, I would like to extend my own kindness to all of you out there in the only way I can- in these words. I want to say thank you with all of my heart for every moment that you choose to reflect and to love. Every one of those moments is affecting me right now and my potential to also do good things. You are my olive branch, you are my peace- and I honor you for all that you have experienced as a human. Whether those experiences are rooted in trauma or joy, I have experienced the same, and I can relate.

As those during any war come to terms with the darkness in the human existence, I can only honor their experiences of suffering in my own and pray peace. I pray peace during this holiday season and hope that all may experience it in their interaction with others, so we may all remember that we are simply one. Pearl Harbor, along with all war, has a purpose now to teach us that life is a pendulum of swinging possibility and to embrace it with a motivation to live in our highest potential. Let us choose our light and shine, illuminating the path for all to experiences of peace.

LESSONS LEARNED FROM POP CULTURE- GLORY

October 10, 2012Attachment, Compassion, Course in Miracles, Ego, Film, Forgiveness, Life, Perception, PsychologyAttachment, buddhism, Compassion, course in miracles, Ego, Life, Perception, psychologyBorn to Be

As a movie buff, and someone who loves good historical drama, I am in the full-on process of getting “psyched” for Lincoln. From knowing many who appreciate film- I am aware of those out there who have a huge grudge against Spielberg and his film making. But I can’t hold back my excitement for this upcoming film. Perhaps it is my past-life attachment to the American Civil War still lingering in my heart- but Abraham Lincoln inspires me much in the way he inspired Walt Whitman. Just watching the last trailer brought me to tears. Perhaps the Civil War is my Bill Buckner video in the American version of Fever Pitch with Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon. I can’t help but love the scene when Mr. Fallon’s character sequesters himself in his apartment after his breakup in a continuous replay of the “Bill Buckner Incident”- being a Mets fan doesn’t help but make me love that scene!

As I prepare myself for Lincoln, I feel ready after many years, to watch the film Glory again. I can’t help but laugh at myself and my past history with this film. When I was in high school I used to listen to that soundtrack over and over again in my teen melancholy. In college, I would go to the Smithsonian and sit alone with the bronze sculpture by Augustus Saint- Gaudens, dedicated to the 54^th Massachusetts Colored Regiment and its leader, Col. Robert Gould Shaw. This film directed by Edward Zwick, truly affected me. I’m sure there are a myriad of reasons as to why, including a past life attachment, but there are other reasons too.

One of the most emotionally difficult lessons for me to witness is when someone suffers simply for the sake of stubbornness and their need to be correct. It really gets me inside in a painful way- almost like physical pain. Perhaps it is because as a child growing up I used to always separate myself out from others just to prove a point. In Glory, Denzel Washington’s character, Private Trip, holds onto so much pain and anger due to his difficult life as a black man and slave. When he joins the 54^th he is delivered an opportunity to reconcile some of his pain but it does not happen easily.

In the film Trip gets caught outside of camp and accused of desertion. Even though Trip knows that he was not deserting, he refuses to say anything about why he was not in camp. He would rather be flogged in front of his entire regiment than yield to his stubbornness. Who knows- maybe if he had mentioned it, it would not have made a bit of difference. But you just don’t know. After the flogging, Col. Shaw approached Morgan Freeman’s character and it is here that he learns of the truth. That Trip was outside of the camp looking for shoes because he was in so much physical pain due to a lack of supplies including proper boots.

When Trip’s shirt is removed for the flogging and they show the scars of his past beatings, I cannot help but feel the pain that not only this fictional character felt- but the pain of every culture that has endured racism’s sickness. The idea that we are not human and deserve to be treated less than human because of a race or culture is the pinnacle of egomania to me. The ego driven mind’s imperative mission is to continuously prove that we are separate from one another and it grasps at anything that will continue this delusion. For me, this film portrayed how innately we share in our humanity with one another and how in the end- we all will die and be buried together just like the 54^th regiment was buried with their white counterparts. The pain we all feel is a place where we can meet and see how we are the same, rather than how we are “different.”

The compassion that grows within us is like a plant waiting to be watered. We water it in sharing the love it yields with the world around us. Even if it is to be shared at a distance- our inner landscape is a part of the greater good when we focus on our capacity to love and be loved. When Trip’s character stands before his brothers in the prayer circle and finds the courage to say to them that they are the only family he has ever known, he chooses to share in his capacity to love rather than the stubbornness that he carried around as his great perception divide. He chose to come together and live rather than starve his soul of the love he deeply deserved but believed he did not deserve.

The question to ask of ourselves here is- how do we divide ourselves from others and perpetuate the ego driven mind’s delusion of separation through stubbornness and holding onto our need to be right? How would our life change if we let go of our stubbornness and simply allowed rather than pushing and pulling away from our truth, our ability to love?

LAYERS OF RAINBOWS

September 25, 2012Buddhism, Ego, Emptiness, Life, Perception, Psychology, Self Perception, self-helpbuddhism, Ego, emptiness, Life, poetry, psychology, Self Perception, self-helpBorn to Be

There is neither here-
nor there.
There is only that which is written in the soul.
And,
That is what you must share.

When I think about a “regular” day, it is easy for me to get caught up in the mundane activity that the ego-driven mind has created. Life as a formulaic, step-by-step process- it could be written down like a recipe, and if someone performed the steps they would be me. Or, would they?

Within every moment there is more happening between me and the other side of the planet, my simple mind could not conceive it all, yet it is all happening in the instant, within the instant. Life- constantly unfolding…changing…never stopping. I had this snap shot in my mind after reading this statement by Thich Nhat Hanh in his book Awakening of the Heart on emptiness recently-

“Each of the 5 rivers has to be made by the other 4. It has to coexist; it has to inter-be with all others.”

The five rivers being the five aggregates: form, sensation, perception, mental formation, and consciousness. This being said, each aggregate or river flowing within us has to contain elements of the other aggregates or rivers flowing within us. Nothing is independent of itself. And, we are “empty of a separate, independent existence.”

This being said, I felt like I was looking from above into a tall skyscraper with the top off. And as I looked in, I could see a system like a corporation working. Within the corporation are layers of departments each based on an idea, a subject. Then, there are people working in each department supporting the idea, dependent on one another as they operate. Each person has its own universe within them including the people they know and love. Then, they have their own mind chattering away, all day- day after day. Within their mind is their body. Their body is made up of organs, tissue, cells, living organisms while the mind is dictating life, while the nature, the essence of this being is slowly, deliberately becoming more apparent in a form of awareness. Thought becomes another thought- and then what? Life.

As I stepped out of the gym yesterday, there was a large shift in the wind. The sky was becoming darker, and as I turned the corner to get to my car, a rainbow was standing before me, filling the sky with its abundant beauty and hope. This rainbow reminded me of so many other rainbows- and thus began a continuation of thought and life, ever changing and all encompassing, again.

One of my most memorable moments with a rainbow came when I felt completely lost and hopeless in my existence as a human, being. I sat in my car at the grocery store on Columbia Pike in Arlington, VA, crying and asking my angels to please help me get out of my head and the funk of hopelessness. I cried, and cried some more. I finally felt a little relief and stepped out of my car, to again witness a large, brightly lit rainbow illuminating the sky in full color. At that moment, I felt the hope of transformation and gratefulness chasing out my self-inflicted demons.

How often do we forget that we are not alone, that we are not independent of one another? This is a reminder that no matter where you look, there is a rainbow somewhere giving hope to someone, who is deeply connected to you. Just look around you, and listen to your heart. You will see and hear whatever it is you need, to remember your essence, your divine nature. It just helps to be open. To be conscious of it, but it is always there.

REFLECTIONS OF THE SILENT WITNESS

September 24, 2012Attachment, Compassion, Ego, Emptiness, Perception, Poetry, Psychology, Self Perceptionbuddhism, Compassion, emptiness, Perception, poetry, psychology, Self PerceptionBorn to Be

In a moment
In the silence of it all, I raise my heart to you
Dear, loving friend, solitary confidant.
A breeze carries the sound of love’s trinkets
And in an instant it touches everything around me.
All encompassing, all embracing…
I do not know what I am
But to open my eyes
Only when I want to close them.
The knowing-
The completion of this single, silent moment.
And I am everything.
Alone, and alive- I hear the witness inside of me.

Filling the sky with blue, and yellow
And kindness.
If only the need to know
Understood what it was to be whole.
Without anything lost, or anything gained-
I am the silent witness,
Once again.