Category Archives: Daily Prompt

Let’s Take the Leap Together! What Does Being a Loser Mean to You?

Daily Prompt, Life, Owning Your Uncool, Self Perception, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Recommended Reading Soundtrack: Hello My Old Heart by the Oh Hellos

I am a sucker for a movie scene that perfectly depicts a person leaping from the top of their game into the great abyss of the murky unknown. Writer/Director Cameron Crowe gives us plenty of these charming moments in his Oscar winning film “Jerry Maguire.”

Lead character Jerry is quickly figuring out that life is not what it seems as the masks of those he trusted are speedily being removed one by one, vulnerably exposing him to the littered path of his own clouded ego. To add another nail to his perceived coffin he realizes that his relationship with his fiancé is doomed. The breakup scene ends with a punch to his face nudging him further into the quicksand of his life with a declaration of his official entrance into Loserville. Classic.

Maybe looking into the silver lining of that “loser” feeling is not such a bad thing? Perhaps owning our inner “loser” leads to promising, untraveled roads and an appreciation for that which we judged – particularly about ourselves. Maybe it’s the only thing that can pull us out of our self-made quicksand?

Loser2015_900x900

So the question remains, what does being a loser mean to you? This is exactly what legendary Seattle-based record label Sub Pop wants applicants to answer for its annual “loser scholarship” award. When I first learned about this scholarship I couldn’t believe it. I found myself staring at the computer screen questioning my eyes and cognitive ability to process what I was reading.

In my heart Sub Pop has historically been a record label that supports the independent artist, introducing the world to talent that wouldn’t have a chance with a commercial giant. And then, to stumble upon their scholarship program students willing to talk about their failures and how it brought them closer to their goals?

So I decided to look into my own productive failures and answer that question as if I were lucky enough to be an Oregon or Washington high school senior vying for the scholarship. Out of all the questions on the bill, I’m torn between what being a “Sub Pop” loser means to me and how my biggest failure has brought me closer to a life goal. But in all honesty I feel the two questions go hand in hand.

I wish I could go with something light, like when I naively attempted to sing a song from The Little Mermaid at Karaoke and totally bombed. Then BS my way into some deep lesson behind the whole experience, but for some reason I don’t think that was Sub Pop’s aim. So I’ll go to the dark side.

Hello, Loserville

hello_loserWhen I was in my mid-20s I met someone that was a perfect pairing for my co-dependent self. He was an addict and I was an addict in my own way, constantly in search for my next fix of feeling needed. I was too scared of being alone to listen to my own inner voice that told me something was not quite right.

Just like Jerry in Crowe’s film, there was a moment in my relationship where I had a clear choice to exit and work on my fears of being the “loser” alone. But I didn’t have his courage to say, “It’s over” yet. So instead I married him and dragged my entire family into the dysfunctional relationship. Shortly after, I divorced and held onto a lot of shame around my “failure.” It took a long time to forgive myself, and not feel like the “loser” that exposed my family to the mess of me.

The Turning Point

This was truly a landmark failure from my ego’s perspective, but from my heart it was a turning point in my life that inspired me to become emotionally healthy and learn to value what I had to offer the world. This included a gift we all have- the gift of inspiration. We are here to inspire one another to become aware of our light in its entirety. Every time we feel like a “loser” and learn from that experience we have an opportunity to demonstrate to someone else that their life matters.

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haiku on love by tyler knott gregson

At the end of the recent “Biggest Loser” finale, one of the contestants named Colby Wright shared that in telling his story about his father’s suicide and the pain it caused him as a son and human being, someone that had also been planning to take their own life reached out to him. The viewer told Colby that because he opened himself up and shared his story, they decided to get help and not give up their life.

To me, that’s what being a “loser” is all about. It’s about making mistakes, owning them and sharing them with others even when we feel vulnerable and scared. Whether it’s through our art, or just talking to someone you know that needs help- we can all make a difference in this world through our unique experiences and productive failures.

Let’s Take the Leap Together

I say- let’s take the leap together and share with others what makes us human. Whether you call it feeling like a “loser” or giving up- it’s all one in the same. We are all here to teach one another that the trip to Loserville is not the end, it is only the beginning.

Daily Prompt: Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes > Life Without Change? A Life Unlived.

Change, Daily Prompt, Death, Ego, Karma, Life Coach, Nature, Perception, Psychology, Reflection, Self Perception, transformation, Uncategorized, , , , , , , ,

There is nothing permanent except change. Herodotus

Change. A scary, dramatic word for many. For nature, change is constant. For human beings, change is also constant. But for the mind- the experience of change is much like death, at least in the beginning. For the mind, a thought or a belief system generally emulates concrete. But then again, even concrete changes! It is the nature of the mind to hold onto belief systems like they are living, breathing beings that determine who we are and how the world “should” be

Change- It Never Ends.
Change- It Never Ends.

When I was in college studying historic preservation, I had to focus a lot of my time on the conservation of old structures. And to conserve, you had to know a building’s past, present and future. We actually had to create architecturally accurate drawings- only through a reverse process of intricately measuring every aspect of a building in its current state of life. One of the things I distinctly remember is the debate of glass being a solid or a slowly moving liquid. When you look at a glass window from the 1800s, it looks like old glass- wavy, hard to see through clearly- but still. It almost looked like it was not consistent in thickness from the top to the bottom. Apparently that has to do with the way the glass was actually made, and not necessarily with its molecular structure- but nonetheless, even though some say it is a myth, there are still scientists out there doing studies to prove if glass is a slow moving liquid or a solid.

Nonetheless- the fact that the argument is out there at all is just symptomatic of subtle change that exists on a molecular level every second around us. Change is constant, even though we can’t see it with our naked eye. The same goes for relationships, and our own mental perception of the world. In my world, our outer reality is reflective of our inner reality. How we perceive ourselves is projected around us like a film in each person we interact with in a multitude of ways.

Change never stops, one minute we are born and with every day thereafter, our body is different. The thing is, change naturally flows in a step by step process. A butterfly does not become a butterfly in one leap. It starts with the laying of an egg, then the birth of the caterpillar, then the pupa or chrysalis, and finally- the beautiful butterfly, which may life only 1-2 weeks. If we are going to make a major change in our life, and we have the opportunity to take it in steps, I feel that the mind generally copes better with change in a step by step process.

But let’s be real! Some change simply does not unfold like a gracious symphony. The death of a loved one, the loss of a job- that is the change we cannot control. But if we are choosing a major life change- choose the healthiest options for yourself and remember your motivation with each step. This will create an outcome that will always serve your highest good- trust in this outcome is integral or else, you may just lose your mind. But then again- would that be a bad thing?

I would love to know- how have you coped with a much needed, major life change- and was it easier to do it in one swoop, or vice versa?

Daily Prompt: Toot Your Horn / The Complement Man

Daily Prompt, Ego, Life Coach, oneness, Perception, Psychology, Reflection, Self Perception, self-help, Uncategorized, , , , , , ,
reflections of lonely reeds in water
How am I reflecting your light today?

As a life coach and someone who helps people learn how to give themselves pats on the back for making headway in personal work, I was delighted to see the daily writing prompt today.  On the other hand, I am one of those typical ironic people that also feels like I am being inappropriate for maybe “tooting my own horn.”  I recall a moment in my own personal history where a great uncle figure in my family was bathing me in complements while visiting my childhood home in Virginia.  It was during a time in my life where I was just developing as a girl and felt extremely insecure about being pretty enough or accepted into social groups at school.  As I was basking in the light of these complements my uncle’s wife said to him that she felt like he had said enough and that I didn’t look that pretty.

Talk about a plane taking a nose dive?  Crash and burn.

It is funny to me now on one level.  I can watch the scene like an outsider and laugh at it like a film pointing out the hilarity of the obvious situation my ego was engaged in.  I have found in life that giving complements to others in a way does toot my own horn.  It gives cause to feeling the inherent love that exists in my heart because I am recognizing it in others.  I feel grateful because I can step back and say- this person is so kind, how can I bring more kindness into my life and interaction with others.  I recommend to everyone out there that when you see light in another person, reflect back and know that you could not see that beauty unless you had first recognized it in yourself.  It is the magic trick of life- that mirror reflecting back to you your truth over and over again.

When I lived in DC, there was this guy that would hang out at the top of Dupont Circle and give praise to people as they strolled by.  It was his way of earning a living.  He called himself the “Complement Man”.  Even though it sounds funny- everyone loved him.  He made a conscious decision that if he was going to ask people for money to help him in life, he was going to do something for it- so why not divvy out relevant complements to people?  I say “three cheers!” to that.  How can you also complement yourself today?  How can you be the “Complement Man” (or woman) in your own life or someone else”s life?