Category Archives: self-help

Momentum and its Friend, Routine

Awareness, Life, self-help

Momentum and its Friend, Routine
By: Jessica Burnham

As I sat down to meditate most recently, I noticed how my mind continuously does its thing of wandering about my mental ‘to do’ list. As a person who actually loves to engage in lists and mastering the art of organization, this is a typical thing for my mind to do. Every once in awhile I’ll get one of those moments where the anxiety of something I may or may not have forgotten to do sends an electrical charge through my nervous system and it feels like my heart stops. I will then take a deep breath and bring my attention back to my breath and let it go. Lately I have noticed that life, not only meditation is just like this.

I sit down to do work or start preparing a meal, and then my mind might wander and bring to my consciousness something I ‘need’ to do. There is always an email to be sent, a phone call to be made, or something I am supposed to purchase. After awhile you begin to feel like a clown in a circus juggling so many different ‘things to do’ you don’t know where to turn. I call this my 3 am wake up call. For some reason my serious anxiety of all the things I need to do hits me around 3 or 4 am. This tends to happen with greater force if I have not been meditating- keeping up with my spiritual routine. I’ll wake up and everything I feel is amplified ten-fold. When I finally get back to sleep, and wake up for the day, I look back and try to understand why everything seems so much more amplified and stressful during that hour.

It is like when you wake up from a dream, and you look back at the events of the dream and laugh at how crazy and scared you felt about something, when it was all in your head. And so it goes- how much of our life is all in our head? And what kind of routine can we work with that will keep us less in our head and more in action mode and the present moment? I notice that when I stick to a routine of accomplishing different activities in my life, I begin to build a momentum. The momentum grows stronger and it is as if I have a generated power behind me giving me extra physical and creative energy to really do what I need to do without so much procrastination and attachment to sabotage. The routine you create for yourself is a way to generate the momentum you may need to seriously accomplish a specific goal that has been a drain because you keep putting it on the back burner, and getting irritated with yourself because you feel like you’ve hit a brick wall for not being attentive to what you would like to get done.

We tend to look at things as ‘needs’ when they are always choices and what we really want to do. The way we connect to our most sacred selves is integral to this routine. If we are not feeding that sacred part of our self, then we are depriving ourselves of the deepest connection to our creative juices. We are also putting our mental energy into super accumulation mode. Like a snow storm that never stops- our mind will continuously build up drifts of mental notes and things we feel we need to do, would like to do or should do- and soon we feel buried in guilt, frustration, and disconnectedness. Feeding the spiritual part of our self allows us to cleanse all the big mental piles within our psychology and gives us the momentum to move forward with your dreams and desires.

How we choose to feed this sacred self can be different for everyone. For some it may be prayer, spending time in nature, meditation, even exercise. It is up to us to take hold of the opportunity we have as spiritual, physical beings and utilize this life with all the gifts we have been given. Our gifts are our way of helping end suffering in this world. And out of all the contributions we could give to the world, why not take hold of your power and gifts and use that momentum to give yourself completely to that sacred part of your being. Don’t let the mind fool you. We are all connected beyond the meaning we place on one another, and even if we don’t completely understand it- by trusting in the inner knowing of your sacred self- you will be able to honor and respect not only your own gifts, but the gifts of everyone around us.

The Great Escape

Awareness, Self Perception, self-help, transformation

The Great Escape
By: Jessica Burnham

Recently I was reading a book and the narrator was discussing an experience in Tibet. On her journey, she came to the realization that she was no longer able to escape herself. I though it was a profound way to explain how our world is full of great escapes from the deluded part of our spirit. It came right at a point when I had an experience of feeling trapped within myself. Only it manifested in an argument I had with my significant other.

“I’m so sick of myself!”

In the argument, I found myself feeling scared. I was being told by this mirror before me that I had been grumpy and unevenly tempered over the last weeks. Only I was confused, because I didn’t understand what he was talking about- OF COURSE. As I experienced this, I immediately felt trapped and confused. I was trapped in my delusion, sick of being around a mind that had been heavily processing emotional garbage for my coaching program. “What was I to do?”

There is a great scene in the comedy, The Forty Year Old Virgin, where the main character gets drunk and starts complaining about relationships. The character continues a dialogue regarding his perception of relationships. He says, one person is complaining and the other only hears, “Blah, blah, blah”, and then the other person is saying the same exact thing, “I don’t understand what you’re saying”, and all they hear is “Blah, blah, blah”. This struck me as a comedic representation of our being trapped within our delusions and feeling sick of being there.

The feeling I had in my own relationship argument was like being in a strait jacket. It reminded me of one of my greatest fears as a child. My friends and I would play a game of laying on the edge of a carpet. We would then roll up the other into the carpet. I felt frightened as I was rolled up. I couldn’t move and I was at the mercy of the other. I had to trust that they would unroll me, and not step on my chest, crushing my lungs and causing the inability to breathe.

How many of us have felt this within our own circles? Where we experienced another, so it seems, telling us something that was painful to hear. And we felt that sensation again- of being rolled up in the carpet with nowhere to go. Then, having to trust in our openness, that we would not be suffocated by these words, as the mind would tell us through fear and emotional chaos- “You are going to be destroyed.”

Entering this ‘risky’ territory is like walking into a room with uneven footing in the darkness. As we take a new step, we have no idea where that foot will land. But once we face this unknown darkness, and open ourselves up to the possibility of our intimate relationship with it with acceptance, the fear dissolves. The key is to trust that this outcome can exist, and that you deserve it.

There is no real escape from the darkness of the self and its deluded positions. Freedom comes with this realization. No matter what we do, or how hard we look, the only thing you will ever see over and over again is what you run away from and try to escape.

What do we use as escapes? What is the first thing we turn to when our greatest illusions come to the forefront of our awareness? Do we become victims? Do we turn to shopping, food, mind altering substances or illness? I’m sure we could all create a list of our very own, and perhaps we should.

But eventually, our “great escape” plan fails us, and sitting right in front of us is that which we began to run from. Resistance is probably one of our greatest manifestations. What kind of life could we have if we took all the energy we put into resistance, and channeled it into loving and appreciating the wholeness of our beings?

What does the word wholeness mean to you? Does it include your darkness? What would be given to us through the acceptance of our darkness? I feel our darkness is a living part of us and this world. It lives within us. It is feared, escaped and loathed. Our darkness needs the opposite- acceptance, compassion, forgiveness and love. Only then will our awareness increase to recognize the greatest gift in our soul- our oneness, or our wholeness. Peace will emanate into our heart, and the hook of hate that we project from within onto another will dissolve. Just like a friend who is lonely and going through something traumatic, our own darkness is that friend within ourselves.

When we are in a safe place, with like minded individuals, all relating to a similar stage in growth, it becomes easier to not let go of our positions. When we are out there, really out there, being challenged every day in our jobs, the grocery store, traffic- this is when the darkness can really show itself. You are constantly receiving messages in random conversations or happenings. If we can be open to the teachings within these experiences we enable our life to be one big teaching, reflecting every aspect of the divine like a miracle. This is the brilliance behind being alive.

“I believe in you. I believe in me.”

We are never lost, we are always being led. And no matter the temporary delusion of escaping- your gift of life will continue for you to use, whether it is in this life or the next. Why not take advantage of this one, acknowledge this incredible gift. Acknowledge the work you are constantly doing for the world, as you bloom in your awareness by facing your wholeness- your darkness and your light. When darkness encapsulates the light that you see around another, turn to them and say, I believe in you. Do it by loving them unconditionally, seeing them for who they really are and who they are becoming. In the same moment, turn to your own heart with a belief in spirit’s grand capability. Feel the unconditional love that comes from your soul. Look at any resistance you may feel toward love.

My stubborn personality is called “Stubborn Suzie.” She comes out the most when I want to hold onto a position of being angry or sad about a situation. My friend could give me the biggest hug in the world, but no matter, I resist opening up to this love because I want to hold on to my emotional commitment to anger or sadness. I feel like a little girl when this happens. But the most important thing about this type of experience is that it is a gift. The resistance to open up to love is a sign that you are holding onto something, and the longer we try to escape this message, the longer it will ache and cause you emotional discomfort. When we surrender to the love of our spirit, our connection to the highest, a genuine release takes place. This is what we all deserve. Give that gift to yourself, and be ready to manifest your highest potential- whatever your dreams may be. Connect into your heart center and feel the joy and butterflies that charge when you know you’re on the brink of your created, highest destiny.

In the whole scheme of things, the only person that is really hurt by holding onto anger, is our self. We all know the old adage that when we project hurtfulness onto another, we are really hurting the projector. We are all one, and the more we shift within ourselves, the more others around us will shift, the more our perceptions will shift, and the more the Earth will shift into light.

Knocking on Death’s Door

Attachment, Awareness, Buddhism, Life, Life Coach, oneness, Peace, Psychology, Reflection, self-help

Knocking on Death’s Door
By: Jessica Burnham

Think not disdainfully on death, but look on it with favor, for even death is one of the things that nature wills.
Marcus Aurelius Antonius, Meditations

The notion of death can be perceived in many ways. Kali the Hindu goddess is deemed the bearer of death and destruction. Many fear the idea of death and destruction that Kali embodies, without thinking about how important it is to our life. Without death and destruction our lives would not be a mirror for our evolution at all. We would remain without growth, enlightenment- and nothing would ever end. We would be living Bill Murray’s life as the eternal weather man in the film Groundhog Day, only it probably wouldn’t be quite that funny.

The great thing about Murray’s character in that film, is that he finally gets sick of trying to die and end everything without ever growing and seeing beyond his self centeredness- and realizes that he has this great opportunity to become something worth living for and for others. Would it not be amazing if we could look at our present life as the eternal Groundhog Day? That this life will continue on after our death, only in another form, and we would still experience the same old crap that we currently experience unless we decide to take hold of this amazing gift and use it for the highest good of all sentient beings?

Grace has given many of us experiences that show us how fleeting our current life is, and the wisdom to take heed. We can choose to use this life to its maximum capacity for our growth as evolving beings, and not only change the world in which we live in- but change the world others live in as well.

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. Mahatma Gandhi
This quote by Mahatma Gandhi says it all. “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” He certainly did, didn’t he? The thing is, we will live forever and if not in this life, or maybe in the next, we will all experience what we are meant to experience- the understanding that every moment is a moment of dying or ending. Only it is not the way our ego perceives dying. It is the end of something completed, only to give rise to the next step, phase, experience; yielding to us the present moment- a moment without attachment to anything in the past or future.

In my coaching work, we are taught to ask this question- what are you willing to risk or give up in order to accomplish your goal. I often think of this as- what are we willing to end? What pattern or addiction that we are attached to keeps us chained to our monkey mind’s demands- and does not provide opportunity for growth and evolution?

In Buddhism, they teach a lot about attachment. I was sitting on a plane returning home after visiting family for the holidays. I was reading a book about anger by Thubten Chodron, a Buddhist nun, and I looked over at my significant other wanting affection. I gave him affection- hoping for some in return and it was not granted. I felt bad inside, but didn’t say anything. Then I looked at my book and began reading again. I immediately came to a paragraph about attachment to relationships, and how they feed an expectation for affection. I laughed inside at how amazing the universe delivers these little tidbits when we need them most.

I chose to look inside myself and say- it is time for me to give up this attachment to this personal relationship, and all others. I can love without attaching my expectations and desires to this person. I made the choice for this addiction to end. And hopefully it will not carry over into the next life, if I can continue with my dedication to let go of my mind’s attachment. It is our attachment that makes death appear so daunting. If we were not attached to anything around us, then the idea of death would seem very simple- wouldn’t it? The fear of destruction would end- because change would be okay.

Think about it- this psychology- the fear of ending the fear of something ending. I know that sounds confusing at first- but it is a reality. How many of us really are afraid of ending the attachment to what fear does for us? What does your fear do for you? How does it give you the opportunity to hold onto things that you’ve outgrown? It is like having a co-dependant relationship with your inner demon. This co-dependant relationship is what creates our perceptual hell. Many people are afraid of death, because they don’t know what will happen after they die. But the truth is, we never know what will happen from moment to moment. All we can do is continue our evolution by letting go of our attachment to the fear of the unknown, what some people call death or destruction.

Our Universal Plan

Attachment, Life Coach, Peace, Psychology, self-help, transformation

Our Universal Plan
By: Jessica Burnham

You know that feeling? When you’ve had a really peaceful meditation, and it sticks with you throughout the entire day? You carry this beautiful energy through you like an electric current, and even the most annoying things- for some reason- don’t annoy you? And you sit there, in your car, and think- I wish I had this reaction every day!

Life is strange that way. But in its strangeness, when we are given gifts like that, it helps us see something different. And then our whole life has a different perspective when stress rears its ugly head. Perhaps this is what happens as we grow out of the mind’s streaming program into our bliss. Recently, as I was encountering my usual mood altering circumstances (like mind altering drugs I suppose- are they really different??), I felt this stream of peacefulness flowing through me and I realized all I had to say to myself was “This is what the universe has planned for me today.” When I heard this, all thoughts of restlessness, impatience, frustration dissolved in my consciousness. I saw something completely different, and it felt really good. I didn’t feel like I was being controlled by anyone and others’ circumstances- it just simply was. What was happening around me was not some conspiracy by my outside world to test me beyond acceptance.

Whatever that good feeling was by spirit’s definition, it basically felt good because it simply was the lack of negativity projected by my own issues. It was not anything beyond that. I was not striving for some ‘great’ feeling like we do with all our searches. What I realized is- this really is who I am. Inherently I am this peace. I am nothing beyond that- not even ‘good’. I simply am without my negativity born of karma and past experiences. The inherent desire to not want to deal with our garbage puts us into this delusion. Our resistance to seeing our flaws and our darkness, through shame, creates a deep bog that can become unbearable at times for our beingness.

Have you ever witnessed a confrontation and thought to yourself, why are they getting so upset? If someone said that to me, I wouldn’t get so upset. But then when someone does confront you in a similar way you find yourself agitated and angry, and defensive? And they say, why are you getting so upset (this is when the bubble pops over the character’s head and reads “Haven’t I heard this somewhere before”)? And you don’t want to admit to yourself that you’re getting upset by something that you’ve questioned someone else for getting so upset over. You are all of a sudden sandwiched, cornered by your own rejection. So you fight back, trying to get out of your corner.

What is even more interesting about this kind of situation, is how completely different we feel when someone else tells us what they see in our behavior. If we say it to our self, it has no meaning- but when someone else says it to us, we react. Why is it when another conscious being calls us on something we react, but it is okay for us to say something negative to our self? To take it a step further, why has our society taught us that self abuse is completely acceptable, but abuse from others is not?

Someone once told me that when the commandment ‘Thou shalt not kill’ was taught, its true meaning was that the soul could never be killed. No matter what we think when a body dies, the human experience disappears before us in that body- but it still exists, because we are still existing. We are a part of that soul’s experience- and in that oneness, nothing can ever die. Can the mind’s madness continuum ever dissolve like the body in death? I believe the answer to this is no. But- where we act from, and what we connect with inside can change. And this is what brings us peace in our lives. This is the lightness that we deserve.

Every day we venture out into the world, we are encountering a plan. Whether it was something we, as a part of the universe, thought of years ago, or thought of yesterday, the plan appears. But the plan can morph from day to day based on where our consciousness resides. What a relief to know that sometimes, the plan presents itself, rather than me always having to present a plan in some formal way like I am the delusional micromanager of my universe!

There remains a balance to achieve in our understanding of this concept. A balance that keeps us in check, so we are not always waiting for the next great plan to appear. Rather, we are constantly planning in all that we think and do, the catch is accepting the ones that don’t always seem so appealing without resistance. I think this is a deep accomplishment for all of us. Profoundness lies in being in this state of acceptance regularly. Encountering the happenings of every day life, without attachment to what should have happened and our expectations of what ‘good’ truly is.

Indecision Blues

Awareness, Change, Life, Psychology, self-help, transformation

Indecision Blues
By: Jessica Burnham

Then indecision brings its own delays,
And days are lost lamenting o’er lost days.
Are you in earnest? Seize this very minute;
What you can do, or dream you can, begin it;
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Faith and decision making- how do they relate to one another and how do we not allow our inability to trust ourselves and our faith in spirit to interfere with living our lives? How do we intertwine the trust we have in spirit, and the trust we have in our inner map so we don’t put up road blocks to opportunity and the flow of our greatness?

There is a fantastic character in the film called ‘Along Came Polly,’ that has the curse of never being able to make a decision. When Polly calls up her friend to set up a date, she will go around in circles for 20 minutes giving him several choices because making a solid decision about something as trivial as dinner is as painful as a root canal. It is extremely comical watching it in a film- but in real life, have you ever been in this situation, or had someone close to you do this with each decision making process in their life? Watching someone live their life like this, always with one foot out the door, can be a tortuous experience. Especially when you really care about that person, and you see their self sabotage move through not only their life but those close to them like lightning again and again.

I say lightning because it is paralyzing. When we cannot make a solid decision when given the opportunity, we paralyze ourselves. We never go anywhere and this begins to reflect in all aspects of our being, including our spiritual growth. There are many forms of indecision makers out there. Perhaps the most common is the person that believes that they have no power in their life, and the universe is only going to deliver to them what is ‘meant to be’. They are constantly watching for signs, and are distracted easily into the ‘next best thing’. This includes everything- jobs, healing, spiritual commitments, and relationships. Something happens in the sky, and they have to move to a new town. Okay, maybe that is a little drastic- but perhaps it is not?

When we receive a sign from the universe, our angelics, it is up to us to go inside and look through the glass with our inner knowing. This inner knowing serves as our antenna and the signals sent to it are pretty clear. It is our connection to everything around us, it is spirit. When we harness our power and let go of our fear of honoring our dreams and self judgment, making a decision suddenly becomes a much more simple process. We have this extraordinary gift called free will, and so many of us are afraid to use it. The gift of free will affords us experiences of all colors. Many include suffering, but so many more include the moments of revelation within our selves.

Stagnation is a transformative process in its own right. It transforms your desired outcome into stuck energy. This stuck energy clouds our mental capacity to see beyond our fears, and brings us nothing but wishes and unfulfilled hopes. If you don’t know what to do next- just doing something gets the juices flowing and the energy moving out of stagnation. It is like writer’s block. A writer can procrastinate sitting down and writing; because they fear they don’t know what to write about or what they write about will be perceived as schlock by their peers. But if they sit down and just start writing about some thought, some knowledge, then transformation takes place. When you succumb to the stagnation of your mind and its paralysis behind indecision, you are giving all your power away to the inability to become, constantly afraid of having nothing rather than something.

To become something doesn’t mean you have to be doing a hundred things at one time. That in itself happens much of the time out of fear of doing nothing in your life. It becomes a mechanism to feed your fears of being a ‘nobody’. When we sit and watch a flower over time grow with the seasons, bloom and open itself up to the sun, the elements, we are witnessing a subtle process of transformation. That is the way our lives are meant to be. Everything has its own steps, its own sequence of transformation. But when we become melancholy or overwhelmed with possibilities and the thought of making the ‘wrong’ decision, then we end up off the path to something much greater than our little power-tripping mind could ever dream of.

When Dorothy was lead to the yellow brick road in the Wizard of Oz, and she came to a cross roads, a very clear sign came to her- the Scarecrow. What if Dorothy sat there and said to her self, “Well, I don’t know if I can trust this guy. And, what if it isn’t a real sign from the universe leading to where I need to go? I don’t know. What should I do? Please give me another sign. I’d rather be safe and just sit here for who knows how long than do something I’m not completely sure of.” Then she would have sat there in front of a Scarecrow who claims he doesn’t have a brain, wondering, maybe I should have taken that offer a couple hours ago. We all know what happens after Dorothy makes many of her choices- a great adventure filled with meeting her darkest fears and greatest joys of friendship. And the outcome- I’d say a huge success.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said in the beginning quote, “Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.” The boldness to surrender your fears to the universe, to the great spirit within your heart and soul, and make a decision based on what you hear from inside, in meditation, from the joy that you are meant to be- now that is truly magical. Harnessing your power, as it was meant to be used and not abused- now that is truly magical. Let us all move beyond the stagnation of our minds and become rather than live in the possibility of becoming. So many people in this world and in the world’s past have been deprived of choices because of tyranny. It is our responsibility to take our given gifts in choices, and make them instead of fearing them.

My Emotional Insurance Policy

Forgiveness, Heal, self-help

My Emotional Insurance Policy
By: Jessica Ahlers

People purchase insurance as a form of protection that may be enacted when a crisis persists in a certain area of your life. Today, we have car, life, travel, health, and even legal insurance. I’m sure there are plenty more types of insurance plans out there that I’m not even aware of. We live in a world that teaches us that we need a backup plan- something that will be there for us when we are in a bind. How does this perception bleed into our personal life and relationships with others? How do we use the concept of emotional protection to put up blocks between us and people we care about as a form of insurance?

Another good question to ponder- what types of emotional blocks do we put up as a type of protection for ourselves, and a way to punish someone else for hurting us? The mind loves to fool us with its ideas of ‘what if”. When we engage with others in relationship and something happens that puts our emotional well being at risk, we have a choice of opening even further or putting up the barricade even higher. It is our choice. Do we want to shut out our light by putting our fear over it, or do we want to temporarily experience discomfort and then fully experience the light of our connections to others around us?

We have a rare opportunity in this life to blend our consciousness with those that appear to be separate. In this blending, we have a chance to really experience God in a more visceral way. But- how many of us see God only as joy, happiness, and rainbows? Is God absent in the friend that is suffering before us, or is this spiritual way of being ever more present? An even larger question to ponder- when we experience suffering due to another’s actions, how often do we think we’re rejecting that other person by closing off- instead of seeing that the only person we’re really depriving of love is ourselves.

Our world of emotional protection and guardedness has manifested into a suburbia that lacks community and connection. We have created a world of isolation. Here lies a world where very often, those that actually open up and try to reach a hand out to someone in a friendly conversation is deemed weird and someone to stay away from. They are labeled ‘needy’ because they need to open up, desire human contact.

The New York Times once reported that there was a group in Tulsa, Oklahoma, called “Resonance,” which promoted hugging as a force for healing. They chose to use this technique in their counseling because of studies that showed how being touched raised levels of hemoglobin in blood significantly. This in turn allowed for speedier recovery from illness. Amma, the ‘hugging’ saint from India, noted as an incarnation of the divine mother, gives hugs to show her deepest gratitude and love for the divinity within the human. This hug, this love, causes people to break down in tears because they are being held with such deep commitment by someone that in the outer world appears to be almost a stranger. What a gift?

Debbie Ford always stresses that our inner world is a microcosm of the outer world, or the macrocosm. The mind has succeeded genuinely in creating a world of separation and loneliness through its foolhardy teaching of not opening ourselves up as a way of protecting us from emotional suffering. Suffering is a way of life and will always be here. The more love we marinate in from ourselves, as well as others, the more our world will reflect this opening back to us. The Earth’s chaos inside and out- it is a mirror for us to see. It is a gift.

Let’s take back this ironic principle that the more guarded we are, the more we withhold, the better off we’ll be. Because it’s not true. Even science shows us that we live longer and are healthier in many ways by being open and engaging in relationship. When we close off, we are closing ourselves off to the essence of our being, the nature of our soul- divinity. We are making ourselves smaller and punishing ourselves for being human.