Category Archives: Self Perception

The Sacred Bridge

Ego, Joy, Perception, Self Perception

The Sacred Bridge
By: Jessica Burnham

Philosopher Hegel- upon dying of cholera said, “Only one man ever understood me … and he didn’t understand me.”

I’ve talked a lot in the past about perception, and how it divides us. The meaning we attach to what others say to us is a big part of this perceptional divide. In the beginning quote, the philosopher Hegel said: Only one man ever understood me…and he didn’t understand me. How often do we sit in a conversation, only to be led into some argument or debate because our interpretation of what the other said is contained in this jar of our experiences? When someone says something to us, how can we really understand them, and recognize that not everything they are saying has anything to do with us?

Sometimes people hurl criticism at us, yes, but then again- what does their criticism say about them, rather than us? Training the mind is a difficult task. It is programmed with so many experiences, not only from this life, that sometimes we can feel hopeless. We look at this daunting experience we call life, and all its suffering, and wonder- is it really possible to not attach meaning onto what they are saying, and just listen?

There is always the roping in of our ego. When we inevitably get sucked into the perception of someone else, and want to defend something. But what are we really defending? When all a perception truly is, is the sum of someone’s experiences, then how can you argue it? Is there any point? Or, perhaps we could make it our worthwhile, to look at the root cause of our mind’s disturbance. Why is our mind being disturbed by what someone else is saying? There must be a part of us that is resisting something. But, what is it resisting?

The mind is a fragile thing. It can be broken. And usually that encompasses suffering and all the other feelings we don’t want to be with. I am finding that the hardest thing I have to be with is hopelessness. It is a feeling I deeply resist. Of course, I resist it so much I do not wish to be around it in others at all. I judge their hopelessness. But, now that I can acknowledge that I am judging it, and that I can’t be with it- I can now look into my heart and see where the root of this rejection comes from and have a choice to be with it in the future. Rather than feeling controlled by the hopelessness.

So, this brings us back to how our perception divides us when we attach meaning to someone else’s perception. Whenever we feel antagonized by another perception, we are engaging in separation. Another’s world has no power over us, except the power we give it. It simply is. It becomes more than “is” when we define it by the sum of our experiences. People talk about agendas. They don’t trust those around them because they fear that they have an agenda. I do it all the time with my partner. But it is not always the case, it is my simple defensiveness and perception that get in the way of that intimacy with another.

The freedom lies in the understanding. When we come to an understanding of how self cherishing we really are in our listening to others, then we can begin to dissolve into another’s words, and simply view them without attachment. We can really love and open our hearts up to one another. We can live with all our internal stuff, yet know that it is simply our stuff- and not engage in projection. Projection is like a black hole. We get sucked into nothingness. And we waste our time creating more seeds of attachment within rather than good merit for ourselves. When we really listen to another, and ask when someone says a word we feel provoked by- ‘how do you define that for you,’ we can see how different everyone’s perceptions really are and allow the other to feel what they need to feel or experience without our experience getting in the way.

I truly feel that how we listen to another person is the sacred bridge out of our perceived separation. And in my hopefulness, rather than hopelessness, I engage with you now in this present moment with the words of the bodhisattva, Avalokitesvara, from the Lotus Sutra, Fourth Precept of Deep Listening and Loving Speech: “Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech, and the inability to listen to others, I vow to cultivate loving speech and deep listening in order to bring joy and happiness to others and relieve others of their suffering.”

Attaching to Self Sabotage

Attachment, Awareness, Change, Ego, Forgiveness, Heal, Self Perception, self-help

Attaching to Self Sabotage
By: Jessica Ahlers
Have you ever had someone ask you the question- “Are you a self saboteur?” If someone did ask you that question, how would you answer it? I feel asking ourselves this type of powerful question strengthens our ability to truly be honest with ourselves. After all, if we can’t be honest with ourselves, then we’re definitely not being honest with others about who we are underneath our many worn masks, nor are we kidding anyone. Most of our relationship view points are truly our own, and if you ask someone else what they think about their relationship with you- you will most likely get a response that differs greatly from what you think you will hear. I have found in my own life that no matter how much I might try to lie to myself about how others like to play the truth is always there for me to see in my reactions to others around me.

It takes the deeply hidden intricacies of the mind to develop the many unsuspecting pathways to self sabotage. In the end, we usually are not aware that we are trying to sabotage ourselves because it is a difficult subject to approach and be honest about with ourselves. Have you ever experienced a breakup, where the conditions yielded a person you never even thought existed due to the self developed perception you already maintained about them? This is a very common feeling after the ending of a relationship. Most of the time there are plenty of circumstances that yield this situation. I feel all of them are rooted in the understanding of what it means to be honest and open to the possibilities of the world around us. When we can remember that we are one with all, and whole beings, then our awareness that all traits exist in every one of us- no one excluded- is heightened.

Buddhists believe that if we can look at every person in the world with the understanding that everyone is suffering, just like us, then we will cultivate more feelings of compassion and understanding, rather than seeds of anger or frustration which typically lead to a dead end and more suffering for ourselves. In trying to practice this challenging way of viewing the world, I have found it opens many doors to self reflection and kindness. When we can be honest about our own suffering, as well as the suffering of everyone around us, a major part of the human condition, we can live a life that shines authenticity. With authenticity, our abilities to sabotage ourselves become weakened. Transparency within our own world leaves more room for opportunities on all counts- especially when it comes to happiness.

Recently I lost a friend that I had known for years. I have gone through many stages of mourning this relationship. I have felt anger, sadness, and helplessness. But in the end, I can see how both of our commitments to self sabotage caused our relationship to end. It was very difficult for me to accept this person’s behavior, and couldn’t believe how I was being treated. Basically, I was in disbelief of my own self generated view point that I had for years, and had to come to terms with the fact that not only do the qualities I witnessed exist in this other person, but they also exist within myself- I just have not accepted them fully, which is why I felt so angry and plugged in.

Our issues got in the way of enjoying one another without the limitations we placed on our relationship through our view points. We both judged one another in some form, and the judgments got in our way of simply having a good time and being grateful for the manifestation of awareness we both represented. Our quest to reject an opportunity for happiness in our relationship with one another was our own self sabotage. The most any of us can do is walk away from these experiences wiser, so we can continue to be open to the joy of being that we all deserve rather than repeatedly living out life times of suffering.

The Great Escape

Awareness, Self Perception, self-help, transformation

The Great Escape
By: Jessica Burnham

Recently I was reading a book and the narrator was discussing an experience in Tibet. On her journey, she came to the realization that she was no longer able to escape herself. I though it was a profound way to explain how our world is full of great escapes from the deluded part of our spirit. It came right at a point when I had an experience of feeling trapped within myself. Only it manifested in an argument I had with my significant other.

“I’m so sick of myself!”

In the argument, I found myself feeling scared. I was being told by this mirror before me that I had been grumpy and unevenly tempered over the last weeks. Only I was confused, because I didn’t understand what he was talking about- OF COURSE. As I experienced this, I immediately felt trapped and confused. I was trapped in my delusion, sick of being around a mind that had been heavily processing emotional garbage for my coaching program. “What was I to do?”

There is a great scene in the comedy, The Forty Year Old Virgin, where the main character gets drunk and starts complaining about relationships. The character continues a dialogue regarding his perception of relationships. He says, one person is complaining and the other only hears, “Blah, blah, blah”, and then the other person is saying the same exact thing, “I don’t understand what you’re saying”, and all they hear is “Blah, blah, blah”. This struck me as a comedic representation of our being trapped within our delusions and feeling sick of being there.

The feeling I had in my own relationship argument was like being in a strait jacket. It reminded me of one of my greatest fears as a child. My friends and I would play a game of laying on the edge of a carpet. We would then roll up the other into the carpet. I felt frightened as I was rolled up. I couldn’t move and I was at the mercy of the other. I had to trust that they would unroll me, and not step on my chest, crushing my lungs and causing the inability to breathe.

How many of us have felt this within our own circles? Where we experienced another, so it seems, telling us something that was painful to hear. And we felt that sensation again- of being rolled up in the carpet with nowhere to go. Then, having to trust in our openness, that we would not be suffocated by these words, as the mind would tell us through fear and emotional chaos- “You are going to be destroyed.”

Entering this ‘risky’ territory is like walking into a room with uneven footing in the darkness. As we take a new step, we have no idea where that foot will land. But once we face this unknown darkness, and open ourselves up to the possibility of our intimate relationship with it with acceptance, the fear dissolves. The key is to trust that this outcome can exist, and that you deserve it.

There is no real escape from the darkness of the self and its deluded positions. Freedom comes with this realization. No matter what we do, or how hard we look, the only thing you will ever see over and over again is what you run away from and try to escape.

What do we use as escapes? What is the first thing we turn to when our greatest illusions come to the forefront of our awareness? Do we become victims? Do we turn to shopping, food, mind altering substances or illness? I’m sure we could all create a list of our very own, and perhaps we should.

But eventually, our “great escape” plan fails us, and sitting right in front of us is that which we began to run from. Resistance is probably one of our greatest manifestations. What kind of life could we have if we took all the energy we put into resistance, and channeled it into loving and appreciating the wholeness of our beings?

What does the word wholeness mean to you? Does it include your darkness? What would be given to us through the acceptance of our darkness? I feel our darkness is a living part of us and this world. It lives within us. It is feared, escaped and loathed. Our darkness needs the opposite- acceptance, compassion, forgiveness and love. Only then will our awareness increase to recognize the greatest gift in our soul- our oneness, or our wholeness. Peace will emanate into our heart, and the hook of hate that we project from within onto another will dissolve. Just like a friend who is lonely and going through something traumatic, our own darkness is that friend within ourselves.

When we are in a safe place, with like minded individuals, all relating to a similar stage in growth, it becomes easier to not let go of our positions. When we are out there, really out there, being challenged every day in our jobs, the grocery store, traffic- this is when the darkness can really show itself. You are constantly receiving messages in random conversations or happenings. If we can be open to the teachings within these experiences we enable our life to be one big teaching, reflecting every aspect of the divine like a miracle. This is the brilliance behind being alive.

“I believe in you. I believe in me.”

We are never lost, we are always being led. And no matter the temporary delusion of escaping- your gift of life will continue for you to use, whether it is in this life or the next. Why not take advantage of this one, acknowledge this incredible gift. Acknowledge the work you are constantly doing for the world, as you bloom in your awareness by facing your wholeness- your darkness and your light. When darkness encapsulates the light that you see around another, turn to them and say, I believe in you. Do it by loving them unconditionally, seeing them for who they really are and who they are becoming. In the same moment, turn to your own heart with a belief in spirit’s grand capability. Feel the unconditional love that comes from your soul. Look at any resistance you may feel toward love.

My stubborn personality is called “Stubborn Suzie.” She comes out the most when I want to hold onto a position of being angry or sad about a situation. My friend could give me the biggest hug in the world, but no matter, I resist opening up to this love because I want to hold on to my emotional commitment to anger or sadness. I feel like a little girl when this happens. But the most important thing about this type of experience is that it is a gift. The resistance to open up to love is a sign that you are holding onto something, and the longer we try to escape this message, the longer it will ache and cause you emotional discomfort. When we surrender to the love of our spirit, our connection to the highest, a genuine release takes place. This is what we all deserve. Give that gift to yourself, and be ready to manifest your highest potential- whatever your dreams may be. Connect into your heart center and feel the joy and butterflies that charge when you know you’re on the brink of your created, highest destiny.

In the whole scheme of things, the only person that is really hurt by holding onto anger, is our self. We all know the old adage that when we project hurtfulness onto another, we are really hurting the projector. We are all one, and the more we shift within ourselves, the more others around us will shift, the more our perceptions will shift, and the more the Earth will shift into light.

Giving Ourselves to the World

Change, oneness, Perception, Self Perception

Giving Ourselves to the World
By: Jessica Burnham

In continuing our discussion on emptiness, a friend asked me a really good question regarding his work as an artist. In being an artist, he was questioning his life’s work. He asked, “Is it vain” to put all this time into creating his art? Is it me pushing my point of view onto others? I thought this was a really important question.

We are all given gifts of medium. We come into this life with our own ways of connecting with oneness. We are all given gifts to help the collective consciousness end its suffering. So is it vain to allow your soul’s gift to be used as a medium for the greater good of all? Or is it vain to not use it at all, and make your self small by hiding this aspect of God? We are all expressions of this great spiritual power- and we come into this life with a choice. How will we choose to be used?

We can interpret this in many ways. Yes, we have free will- but most of us abandon our free will in the programming of our mind. Recently, I was thinking about rebelliousness. Most of the time we react blindly to everyone around us- whether it is another driver on the road, or someone you’ve known all your life. Growing up, I myself was rebellious against the status quo, popularity. I thought to myself- I don’t want to be a part of what EVERYONE is doing, so I’ll be different. I’ll hang out with the hipsters, and choose nonconformity, as opposed to conformity. What was funny to me about this idea in my present psychology- was how ironic that choice was. Honestly, I was even more plugged into conformity by choosing consciously to be a nonconformist. I played into that hand, and was controlled by that social group because I had to use so much energy to not be like them. And, I thought I was choosing not to be controlled!

This example of choosing to be used is the opposite of choosing to be used in your faith. When we hand our life over to our deepest, sacred connection to the universe, we are giving up our control and asking the universe to take us to where we are most needed. No matter the profession, we are always working to connect to as many people as possible in some form or another. Whether it be through selling a product, or cleaning up people’s garbage- we need to have a medium of connection. An artist can contribute greatly as a medium for connecting with the world around them. Whether it be in graphic design, or working with troubled children- art can work as an expression of the divine if we allow it.

Our greatest gifts can also come from our greatest tragedies. We can choose to learn something from an experience, and take it to new levels, or we can choose to be a victim. I grew up out of my childhood into a fabulous example of co-dependency. This co-dependent mindset gave me a great opportunity to see how I was really being used unconsciously. My co-dependency fulfilled my greatest wish- it brought me to times of despair. To times where my woundedness broke me and all I could do was turn over my life to faith. That was my only choice- and it was the one that worked.

Our viewpoints will always exist because our ego will always exist. And, much of the time they will be laced in our work. But, there are healthy ways to work with our viewpoints, perceptions, and belief systems. Most of the time, we feel helpless to the world around us. It just keeps going, and we walk around going with it- whatever that direction. So why not go in ‘whatever direction’ with your soul, higher self, in conjunction with the greatest wisdom of the universe, leading the way? We are always being used- so why not choose what will use us? With the intention in hand, and our purpose that excites us- the most beautiful story can unfold before our eyes and life as we know it can become something we don’t know- yet filled with that familiar feeling that this is your authentic self. This is divinity in action.

We can be a part of the change we wish to see in the world. What is your vision of change? How can you take that vision and become a part of it rather than it stay in this safe, cushiony place outside of yourself? How safe is it to not step outside of our little cozy box and give our self to the world? How many leaders in this world that worked for great change to end human suffering were sitting at home in their ‘cozy box’? James Farmer? Gandhi?

Many people who teach others to work with spirit- whether it is angels, deities, protectors- always mention an important part of the equation: ask. Go within and ask- use your power of free will to connect with your path into oneness. It will be the greatest gift you could ever give to the world.

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.
Kahlil Gibran