Category Archives: Ego

LESSONS LEARNED FROM POP CULTURE

Buddhism, Compassion, Ego, Emptiness, Perception, , , ,

Ok- as part of my work as a writer, I find myself always dishing about movies and how they provoked my mind and heart to open just a little wider.  I love movies, what can I say?  And no matter what I’m dealing with while I navigate my mental and soul-driven landscape, watching a movie is like opening a book up to a random page that will teach me something relevant to what I am learning in that present moment.  Since perception is largely guided by the ego-driven mind, perceptions and points of view are constantly changing and impermanent.  I can watch a movie now, and years later watch it again with a whole different interpretation and feeling around it.

Every experience that we have in life is a tool for personal growth if you choose to look at it that way- even pop culture!  I know you’re asking, really?  And I’m saying, “ABSOLUTELY!” I might be the only person in the world that watched Bridget Jones Diary after every break-up (I know that is ridiculous and completely untrue) and cried when she cried after her run-in with the American stick figure in her man’s bathroom, but I guess I’m choosing to “out” myself here.

Nonetheless, I was watching Babel for the first time because I secretly knew for years that the film would completely put me into a spiraling depression, but there I was on a Saturday night ready to rock and roll.  As I watched the film, I felt my anxiety rising like the speed of a rocket bound for a crash and burn.  Every situation continued to get worse, and I found myself thinking- how could it get any worse, and yet- it did, again and again and again!

The most difficult part of that film for me was watching people suffer and make choices that you knew would cause even more suffering.  In being a deeply empathic person, films like Babel should come with a warning sticker for me.  Like those fluorescent green “Mr. Yuck” stickers my Mom used to put on everything in the kitchen sink.  Racism, emotional isolation- all mental torture.  So of course, I had to do some reflection while I watched.  In Buddhism, emptiness teaches at its core that there is no separate self.  The ego-driven mind will do everything it can to prove to you that there is and it is easy to buy into it because it is a mental habit that we have relied on for thousands of years.  Babel was painful for me because it demonstrated the constant battle we carry around with us between the ego-driven mind and our higher mind- the part that is simply, patiently waiting for us to pay attention and “get it.”

I found myself practically yelling at the screen, which is probably the way I would be yelling at myself if I could watch my life like a film.  Every choice we make affects another, whether we are conscious of it or not, because we are not separate beings.  We are interconnected in our deepest essence- whether you want to call it a soul, or our nature.  The “out” we have in all of our suffering in watching others suffer is the path of compassion and the choice to not live in ignorance.  The more awareness we choose to gain and develop, the less we live in ignorance, the more compassion we can cultivate, and the more we help the world.  It all starts with a redevelopment of our self perception, and choosing to remember our true nature- which is empty of meaning, empty of a separate self.  Thank god that movie is over!

The Sacred Bridge

Ego, Joy, Perception, Self Perception

The Sacred Bridge
By: Jessica Burnham

Philosopher Hegel- upon dying of cholera said, “Only one man ever understood me … and he didn’t understand me.”

I’ve talked a lot in the past about perception, and how it divides us. The meaning we attach to what others say to us is a big part of this perceptional divide. In the beginning quote, the philosopher Hegel said: Only one man ever understood me…and he didn’t understand me. How often do we sit in a conversation, only to be led into some argument or debate because our interpretation of what the other said is contained in this jar of our experiences? When someone says something to us, how can we really understand them, and recognize that not everything they are saying has anything to do with us?

Sometimes people hurl criticism at us, yes, but then again- what does their criticism say about them, rather than us? Training the mind is a difficult task. It is programmed with so many experiences, not only from this life, that sometimes we can feel hopeless. We look at this daunting experience we call life, and all its suffering, and wonder- is it really possible to not attach meaning onto what they are saying, and just listen?

There is always the roping in of our ego. When we inevitably get sucked into the perception of someone else, and want to defend something. But what are we really defending? When all a perception truly is, is the sum of someone’s experiences, then how can you argue it? Is there any point? Or, perhaps we could make it our worthwhile, to look at the root cause of our mind’s disturbance. Why is our mind being disturbed by what someone else is saying? There must be a part of us that is resisting something. But, what is it resisting?

The mind is a fragile thing. It can be broken. And usually that encompasses suffering and all the other feelings we don’t want to be with. I am finding that the hardest thing I have to be with is hopelessness. It is a feeling I deeply resist. Of course, I resist it so much I do not wish to be around it in others at all. I judge their hopelessness. But, now that I can acknowledge that I am judging it, and that I can’t be with it- I can now look into my heart and see where the root of this rejection comes from and have a choice to be with it in the future. Rather than feeling controlled by the hopelessness.

So, this brings us back to how our perception divides us when we attach meaning to someone else’s perception. Whenever we feel antagonized by another perception, we are engaging in separation. Another’s world has no power over us, except the power we give it. It simply is. It becomes more than “is” when we define it by the sum of our experiences. People talk about agendas. They don’t trust those around them because they fear that they have an agenda. I do it all the time with my partner. But it is not always the case, it is my simple defensiveness and perception that get in the way of that intimacy with another.

The freedom lies in the understanding. When we come to an understanding of how self cherishing we really are in our listening to others, then we can begin to dissolve into another’s words, and simply view them without attachment. We can really love and open our hearts up to one another. We can live with all our internal stuff, yet know that it is simply our stuff- and not engage in projection. Projection is like a black hole. We get sucked into nothingness. And we waste our time creating more seeds of attachment within rather than good merit for ourselves. When we really listen to another, and ask when someone says a word we feel provoked by- ‘how do you define that for you,’ we can see how different everyone’s perceptions really are and allow the other to feel what they need to feel or experience without our experience getting in the way.

I truly feel that how we listen to another person is the sacred bridge out of our perceived separation. And in my hopefulness, rather than hopelessness, I engage with you now in this present moment with the words of the bodhisattva, Avalokitesvara, from the Lotus Sutra, Fourth Precept of Deep Listening and Loving Speech: “Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech, and the inability to listen to others, I vow to cultivate loving speech and deep listening in order to bring joy and happiness to others and relieve others of their suffering.”

Attaching to Self Sabotage

Attachment, Awareness, Change, Ego, Forgiveness, Heal, Self Perception, self-help

Attaching to Self Sabotage
By: Jessica Ahlers
Have you ever had someone ask you the question- “Are you a self saboteur?” If someone did ask you that question, how would you answer it? I feel asking ourselves this type of powerful question strengthens our ability to truly be honest with ourselves. After all, if we can’t be honest with ourselves, then we’re definitely not being honest with others about who we are underneath our many worn masks, nor are we kidding anyone. Most of our relationship view points are truly our own, and if you ask someone else what they think about their relationship with you- you will most likely get a response that differs greatly from what you think you will hear. I have found in my own life that no matter how much I might try to lie to myself about how others like to play the truth is always there for me to see in my reactions to others around me.

It takes the deeply hidden intricacies of the mind to develop the many unsuspecting pathways to self sabotage. In the end, we usually are not aware that we are trying to sabotage ourselves because it is a difficult subject to approach and be honest about with ourselves. Have you ever experienced a breakup, where the conditions yielded a person you never even thought existed due to the self developed perception you already maintained about them? This is a very common feeling after the ending of a relationship. Most of the time there are plenty of circumstances that yield this situation. I feel all of them are rooted in the understanding of what it means to be honest and open to the possibilities of the world around us. When we can remember that we are one with all, and whole beings, then our awareness that all traits exist in every one of us- no one excluded- is heightened.

Buddhists believe that if we can look at every person in the world with the understanding that everyone is suffering, just like us, then we will cultivate more feelings of compassion and understanding, rather than seeds of anger or frustration which typically lead to a dead end and more suffering for ourselves. In trying to practice this challenging way of viewing the world, I have found it opens many doors to self reflection and kindness. When we can be honest about our own suffering, as well as the suffering of everyone around us, a major part of the human condition, we can live a life that shines authenticity. With authenticity, our abilities to sabotage ourselves become weakened. Transparency within our own world leaves more room for opportunities on all counts- especially when it comes to happiness.

Recently I lost a friend that I had known for years. I have gone through many stages of mourning this relationship. I have felt anger, sadness, and helplessness. But in the end, I can see how both of our commitments to self sabotage caused our relationship to end. It was very difficult for me to accept this person’s behavior, and couldn’t believe how I was being treated. Basically, I was in disbelief of my own self generated view point that I had for years, and had to come to terms with the fact that not only do the qualities I witnessed exist in this other person, but they also exist within myself- I just have not accepted them fully, which is why I felt so angry and plugged in.

Our issues got in the way of enjoying one another without the limitations we placed on our relationship through our view points. We both judged one another in some form, and the judgments got in our way of simply having a good time and being grateful for the manifestation of awareness we both represented. Our quest to reject an opportunity for happiness in our relationship with one another was our own self sabotage. The most any of us can do is walk away from these experiences wiser, so we can continue to be open to the joy of being that we all deserve rather than repeatedly living out life times of suffering.