Category Archives: Ego

LAYERS OF RAINBOWS

Buddhism, Ego, Emptiness, Life, Perception, Psychology, Self Perception, self-help, , , , , , ,

There is neither here-
     nor there.
There is only that which is written in the soul.
  And,
      That is what you must share.

When I think about a “regular” day, it is easy for me to get caught up in the mundane activity that the ego-driven mind has created.  Life as a formulaic, step-by-step process- it could be written down like a recipe, and if someone performed the steps they would be me.  Or, would they?

Within every moment there is more happening between me and the other side of the planet, my simple mind could not conceive it all, yet it is all happening in the instant, within the instant.  Life- constantly unfolding…changing…never stopping.  I had this snap shot in my mind after reading this statement by Thich Nhat Hanh in his book Awakening of the Heart on emptiness recently-

“Each of the 5 rivers has to be made by the other 4.  It has to coexist; it has to inter-be with all others.”

The five rivers being the five aggregates: form, sensation, perception, mental formation, and consciousness.  This being said, each aggregate or river flowing within us has to contain elements of the other aggregates or rivers flowing within us.  Nothing is independent of itself. And, we are “empty of a separate, independent existence.”

This being said, I felt like I was looking from above into a tall skyscraper with the top off.  And as I looked in, I could see a system like a corporation working.  Within the corporation are layers of departments each based on an idea, a subject.  Then, there are people working in each department supporting the idea, dependent on one another as they operate.  Each person has its own universe within them including the people they know and love.  Then, they have their own mind chattering away, all day- day after day.  Within their mind is their body.  Their body is made up of organs, tissue, cells, living organisms while the mind is dictating life, while the nature, the essence of this being is slowly, deliberately becoming more apparent in a form of awareness.  Thought becomes another thought- and then what?  Life.

As I stepped out of the gym yesterday, there was a large shift in the wind.  The sky was becoming darker, and as I turned the corner to get to my car, a rainbow was standing before me, filling the sky with its abundant beauty and hope.  This rainbow reminded me of so many other rainbows- and thus began a continuation of thought and life, ever changing and all encompassing, again.

One of my most memorable moments with a rainbow came when I felt completely lost and hopeless in my existence as a human, being.  I sat in my car at the grocery store on Columbia Pike in Arlington, VA, crying and asking my angels to please help me get out of my head and the funk of hopelessness.  I cried, and cried some more.  I finally felt a little relief and stepped out of my car, to again witness a large, brightly lit rainbow illuminating the sky in full color.  At that moment, I felt the hope of transformation and gratefulness chasing out my self-inflicted demons.

How often do we forget that we are not alone, that we are not independent of one another?  This is a reminder that no matter where you look, there is a rainbow somewhere giving hope to someone, who is deeply connected to you.  Just look around you, and listen to your heart.  You will see and hear whatever it is you need, to remember your essence, your divine nature.  It just helps to be open.  To be conscious of it, but it is always there.

REFLECTIONS OF THE SILENT WITNESS

Attachment, Compassion, Ego, Emptiness, Perception, Poetry, Psychology, Self Perception, , , , , ,

Trees & SunIn a moment
In the silence of it all, I raise my heart to you
Dear, loving friend, solitary confidant.
A breeze carries the sound of love’s trinkets
And in an instant it touches everything around me.
All encompassing, all embracing…
I do not know what I am
But to open my eyes
Only when I want to close them.
The knowing-
The completion of this single, silent moment.
And I am everything.
Alone, and alive- I hear the witness inside of me.

Filling the sky with blue, and yellow
And kindness.
If only the need to know
Understood what it was to be whole.
Without anything lost, or anything gained-
I am the silent witness,
Once again.

LESSONS LEARNED FROM POP CULTURE: HOLIDAY MADNESS – GOOD GRIEF!

Compassion, Course in Miracles, Ego, Forgiveness, Perception, Power, Self Perception, Stress, , , , , ,
EVER FEEL LIKE THIS?

Forgiveness recognizes what you thought your brother did to you has not occurred.

A Course in Miracles

As we begin the fast approach to the holidays, I have started to think about what causes the most anxiety for people when they think about hanging out with those family members that may drive them crazy.  Growing up we have many experiences that are interpreted by the child mind.  During our younger years it is difficult for us to understand other people’s behavior without making it mean something about us.  This is a large tenant of my coaching work.  It is the whole reason we develop shame from certain experiences and try to cover up our truth, limiting the joy we are able to experience when we grow older.

One way we move on from those experiences and put an end to our attachment to not only our judgment of ourselves, but also the judgment of others is through forgiveness and compassion, which in turn come from developing a new point of view (which can be very difficult).  A big tenant for me in the development of a new point of view has to do with the understanding that what someone does has nothing to do with our interpretation of it.  But the meaning we place on others’ actions contributes to our attachment and continued belief that there is a separate self.  All in all, it contributes to our suffering and prevents us from embracing not only our fullest potential, but seeing the fullest potential in the world around us.

It could play out like this- Charlie Brown is invited to be the director of the Christmas Pageant because he feels depressed due to the holidays by his antagonistic friend Lucy.  He embraces his role as director and is asked to get a big, shiny aluminum tree- maybe even painted pink!  When he is exploring the trees with his best friend Linus, he finds a little one that looks like it needs a little love (which is what Charlie Brown feels like too- projection, anyone?  anyone?)  Thus begins the plight of the “Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.”

When Charlie brings his tree back to the theater to show all his “friends”, everyone reacts badly to his choice- meaning, they react in a way that makes Charlie feel really sad inside.  Charlie takes his little tree and tries to decorate it on his own, give it a little love.  But in his attempt he concludes that maybe his tree really isn’t strong enough after all and abandons his little tree (projection again, anyone?).  When Charlie’s friends find the tree, they decide that the tree was not that bad after all, and they whip it up into shape with colorful lights, ornaments and Linus’s trusty blanket.

When Charlie Brown first felt rejected by his friends due to their reaction to his little tree, he had a choice to see that maybe their reaction was just about a tree and had nothing to do with him.  That their reaction was simply a reaction, but his vulnerability and feelings of holiday anxiety gave way to an interpretation based in fear.  In essence, nothing really occurred in that moment but the meaning he placed on their reaction created more suffering for him.  When we place a meaning on someone’s actions, we also give our power away to them.  In the end, Charlie saw his tree standing strong and illuminated by everyone’s love.  As everyone sang around the tree, he sang and felt joy.  Everything he felt about that tree was a projection regarding what he already felt about himself.  His interpretations all came back to him and his self perception.

No one really does anything to us- it is our interpretation that makes it something.  Our interpretation is rooted in our self perception and how we are feeling at that moment in time- powerless, vulnerable, sad- even happy.  No one can hurt us, we simply say their actions hurt us, and thus reconciliation within must take place.  That reconciliation is forgiveness.  Let joy into your heart through this reconciliation and new awareness so we can all find ourselves singing around Charlie’s illuminated tree without the perceived separated self!

GOOD BOUNDARIES, HEALTHY EMPATHY

Attachment, Boundaries, Buddhism, Co-dependent, Compassion, Ego, Emptiness, Forgiveness, Perception, Power, Psychology, Self Perception, , , , , , , , ,

BOUNDARIES– what does this word really mean?  I once heard a speaker at a spiritual conference refer to boundaries as a joke.  I remember hearing this person scoff at the word and laugh in front of hundreds of people while she issued her commentary on lifestyle magazines and their “silly” articles.  I remember immediately thinking- really?  I actually was quite surprised and felt sad that there were so many vulnerable people around me learning that “boundaries” in a spiritual context were something dreamed up by the mind and trying to maintain them was ignorance.

It bothered me because I was someone that had very poor boundaries growing up, and was still someone struggling to understand what they really meant in my relationships- particularly with my boyfriend (and past boyfriends).  That conference was years ago, and I am still learning- but fortunately, years later- I have really owned up to my lack of boundaries and my former lack of awareness.

When I first started hearing about this word “boundaries”, I remember feeling like it was a word from an alien language.  I eventually learned that as a very sensitive person that learned to be the balancer in my group of siblings, I had a real problem blurring the lines between my feelings and someone else’s, leading to a deep lack of understanding that other people are capable of taking care of themselves and I am not responsible for how other people handle their consequences and reactions.  I lived a life of co-dependent relationships, lacking the ability to provide any accountability for behavior that was not in line with my definition of integrity.  I constantly compromised myself by being in relationships with people that also had bad boundaries and would do things that didn’t feel “right” to me.

It is easy to take the nihilistic point of view here and interpret the understanding of emptiness in a way that can be extremely dysfunctional.  Things do exist in the way that we see them from our point of view- but that is our reality and it does not mean that our point of view is any less skewed than another person’s because if we are living in an ego-driven reality then we are all delusional.  But it is also important for extremely empathic, compassionate people to understand that we are not responsible for another person’s choices and all we can do is stand in our own integrity and simply love by loving the Buddha nature of that person.

When we hold someone in that space, we are doing more than we realize, and we don’t always have to do anything else.  When we correct our mind, we help others correct their mind as well.  If we choose to not engage in another person’s drama and allow them to experience their karma through their gift of free will, yet love them by healing our inner-divide, we are doing them a greater service than trying to be involved in a relationship with them that is based on you being accountable for their state of mind.  For me this was revolutionary, and for the first time in my life I had real clarity when I was able to say in my heart that this person before me was capable of being responsible for their reactions, not me.

One morning in my journey to work I heard a clip on the radio from the interview with Rihanna and Oprah.  In the interview Rihanna was talking about how all she really cared about was that her abuser was happy in his life, and that was what mattered the most to her.  As I listened I realized how co-dependent this person still was, and it made me feel deep compassion for her.  I also felt sad that this was not brought up by Oprah in the interview because it seemed so clear to me.  She was still living out the same pattern with this person- and she was still feeling accountable for how this person felt- whether it was happiness or sadness.  This is the reason many people stay with abusers- another blurry line.

That speaker I heard years ago can mock me too if she would like to, or compare me to a silly lifestyle magazine.  But I feel it is extremely important in my work as a life coach and teacher to remember that there is a gradual process in understanding how our ego-driven mind can block us in understanding what the Buddha nature is within ourselves and how we share it with one another as spiritual beings innately connected with one another.  Until we can heal that which is broken within us emotionally, we are blind to our oneness.

It begins with recognizing the Buddha nature within our hearts and having compassion for our own suffering, then others.  And compassion is not about giving your power and energy away in an effort to ease someone’s suffering.  It is about seeing someone’s suffering and understanding that it is your suffering as well.  It involves seeing that we in our ignorant mind may not understand fully the dynamics of a karmic situation, but we can end dysfunction through the free will and choice that we have, and choose to live our life in a healthy way free of dysfunctional self perception.  This leads to forgiveness and no attachment, and without attachment we are able to see our true nature, our Buddha nature.

THANK YOU HAIKU

Ego, Perception, Poetry, , , ,

Lighting one candle
With another candle—
Spring evening.
Buson

No, it’s not spring.  In fact, we are about to begin the last quarter of the year with weather changing from cool to even cooler.  But one aspect still remains, regardless of the weather outside- us.  What do I mean by the word “us”?  A group of souls gathered around one another, searching for meaning in the next moment.  Asking, questioning, and wondering.  Our curiosity is always bending like a roundabout in the road, leading us to one another in the wake of another disaster, or another joyous occasion.

As I ponder on “us”, I always come back to the one projecting the thoughts- me.  Yet I am not isolated like my ego-driven mind would like me to believe.  And, if it were not for you, dear candle alight whenever I may feel blind in my darkness, I would not know anything.  My wisdom is not isolated.  My wisdom is alight because it has been lit by another, and for that I am eternally grateful.

When I opened my Haiku companion this evening, I was delighted to read this tender piece written by Buson.  As I can always trust in my higher self to deliver to me a piece of knowledge that will continue to illuminate those parts of my being that wish to be expressed, here was another beautiful piece written by someone so long ago, so far away.  Yet it is exactly what I was feeling in my heart and looking to articulate.  And Buson did it for me.   All I had to do was elaborate from my little piece of reality at this moment.  Thank you, Buson, for being here with me right now.

And thank you, dear one, for being here to read this post and continue the illumination from one soul to another realizing our true nature, our oneness in mind and deepest expressions of love.  It is my dream that as our awareness continues to grow in one another, the expansion of our potential will give way to a reality that is rooted in the truest acknowledgment of one another as a simple extension rather than a separate aspect of our selves.  That the delusion that we each give cause for reaction may simply dissolve yielding a constant peace.

PERCEPTION’S LIMITS

Carl Jung, Creativity, Ego, Perception, Power, Self Perception, , , ,

“We are not self-made. We are dependent on one another. Admitting this to ourselves isn’t an embrace of mediocrity and derivativeness, it’s a liberation from our misconceptions.” (Kirby Ferguson)

From TED, Ideas Worth Sharing

So, I recently found myself feeling really frustrated over the lawsuit victory by Apple over Samsung and their patent violation with some of their phone technology.  As a life coach, whenever I feel provoked by something, I find it important to reflect on the attachment that is being manifested by my attitude.  One thing I would like to out myself about has to do with Apple- basically, I’m not their biggest fan.  I’m now waiting for the world to implode!

Primarily, I feel like they’ve snowed the public by trying to play the card of the “indie” industrial designer and by toting an image of a company that is not like Microsoft and one that fosters creativity with more diverse applications.  What upset me about the Samsung lawsuit is how it displayed the truth behind much of their success, and as far as I’m concerned, the company contains all the characteristics that they deny in their advertising.  They are a perfect example of a shadow, as termed by Carl Jung, playing out and most people choose not to see this part of their image.

As I was discussing this with my brother recently, he brought to my attention a lecture that was on TED Talks, the internet lecture sensation on “Ideas Worth Sharing.”  The lecture was by Kirby Ferguson, and was titled “Embrace the Remix.”  Mr. Ferguson’s lecture was well thought out and very convincing.  In the lecture he attempts to demonstrate that our creativity as human beings (and a collective consciousness, as far as I would interpret), is dependent on one another.  That creativity is fostered through sharing and learning from one another.  He uses music as an example, particularly Bob Dylan, and traditional folk music, where many tunes were reused with different words, and that the artists had no problem with it.  This reuse was a part of the spirit of sharing and it was done with respect.

The quote at the top of this post was a part of the lecture.  As I contemplated this quote, I found myself also feeling liberated.  How exciting it was for me to hear someone articulate in such a perfect way, exactly how I feel inside.  He beautifully portrayed something that directly relates to my own experience with perception and how it is used as a tool by the ego-driven mind to perpetuate the idea that there is a “separate self.”

“We are not self-made.”

“We are dependent on one another.”

This is true!  In my heart, I feel this to be more real and visceral than any Apple marketing philosophy.  Another point to be made by Mr. Ferguson was this- Steve Jobs, before Apple became the beast that it is, said in an interview in 2006,

“Picasso had a saying, he said ‘good artists copy, great artists steal.’  And, we have always been shameless about stealing great ideas.”

Then, years later after the beast blossomed and he was famous, Jobs said this,

“I’m going to destroy Android because it is a stolen product.  I’m willing to go thermonuclear war on this.”

Do you see the contrast?

It is so interesting how the ego-driven mind loves to change its perceptions based on its need to manipulate its environment so others see it the way it wants to be perceived itself.  Perceptions are nothing but different colored crayons that can be used to color a picture for everyone to see.  It is up to us to see how fragile and weak that picture really is, and choose to see one another for what we really are- tools for enlightenment, mirrors, extensions of our perceived self and a gift.  I know in the business world there are criminals out there- I get it.  But when is enough, enough?  When is there a limit to how much we can control and stifle others’ creativity in the name of self-service?

We all operate out of a collective consciousness and we are remixes of one another.  To patent my imagination makes no sense.  We all connect to a pool of creativity that is shared, and it is inspired and grows by witnessing and learning from other’s creativity.  There is no “separate self” the way we think there is, and our world has a much greater potential than we can even imagine- it is up to us as a community to allow this great potential to thrive and benefit all.

And now, I need to ask myself, “How do I stifle my creativity?”

Personal growth- it never ends!