Tag Archives: life coach

It’s Hip to Be A Square

April 1, 2014Acceptance, Attachment, Ego, Life Coach, PerceptionAspergers, Attachment, Bullying, Compassion, debbie ford, Ego, Hip to Be A Square, Hip to Be Square, Huey Lewis and the News, LA Times, Life, life coach, My Little Pony, Parenthood, Perception, Queen, Revenge of the Nerds, Sesame Street, Susan Rowher, We Are The ChampionsBorn to Be

“School should be a place for children to learn and grow, not where they end up bullied for simply being themselves.” Susan Rowher, Guest Blogger, LA Times

Listening Soundtrack: Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World, Israel ‘IZ’ Kamakawiwo’ole

Do you remember when Sesame Street took the cheesy pop song by Huey Lewis in the News (I know I am putting myself at risk by denoting this song as “cheesy,” please- have mercy on me!) “It’s Hip to be Square” and magically turned it into “It’s Hip to be A Square”? Love it! And so it goes- this is the perfect song to relate to this blog post regarding all the awesome “squares” in the world. This one goes out to you!

Last week I was driving to work in the early morning, crossing a beautifully tree lined river where tiny green leaves were slowly making their way to the new day sunlight, when I heard a discussion on the radio about a boy being bullied in school for his choice of a My Little Pony backpack (old news to some- but I can’t get it out of my head!). If you have heard this story- I’ll be brief! The school decided that the way to allay the bullying was to have the young boy not bring his choice of backpack to school any longer. Keep in mind that the boy was already being bullied prior to the backpack incident. The mother in her efforts to seek help went to the media with the story.

We Are The Champions, My Friends

How many of us have been just like this young boy in life, modifying the truth of who we are just to appease the grumpalumps that don’t agree with what we chose to wear or the music we enjoy as a way to avoid disapproval? The answer? Everyone. Let’s think…”Revenge of the Nerds” anyone? I mean, who didn’t feel exhilarated and teary eyed at the end of the film when Queen’s “We Are The Champions” was played as Anthony Edwards and all his nerd friends stood up for themselves? Go Booger!

The LA Times published an opinion piece recently about not only this incident, but a girl in Virginia who also was recently told by a school that she didn’t dress feminine enough and if she didn’t change her choice of clothing their school was not the right place for them. Really?! I was a tomboy when I was younger, I had a mullet, buck teeth and played with GI Joes. I’m pretty girlie as an adult. In the end, is deliberately making someone feel like an outcast really accomplishing anything?

In the opinion piece, guest blogger Susan Rowher stated in the opening (and fantastic) quote, “School should be a place for children to learn and grow, not where they end up bullied for simply being themselves.” To elaborate on this point, I feel like life should also be that way, no matter how old you are or where you are working, living.

What We Think We Know

In a way it is almost surreal that human beings would attach so much meaning to a backpack’s theme that they would actually harass them, even physically hurt them. Why do clothes, physical objects, carry so much meaning for us as a society that people actually feel threatened by them? When will a backpack just be a backpack? When will a word that is directed at us just be a word, rather than an internal jail sentence for life? Why do people feel so threatened by something that is different from what they think they know?

It’s Our Choice

The mind is a magician in a pretty big and diverse world. It likes to play games so we continue to engage in its game. It is programmed to perpetuate a belief that we are not connected to one another. And it in turn has the potential within all of us to create suffering. The suffering is not only for others, we experience it as well. The diamond in the ruff of this life is that we actually have a choice about what thoughts we are going to align ourselves with, and we can think about which ones will continue to just make us and others feel badly.

“Don’t should on yourself.”

When I look back at my life, there are times where I have regretted hurting others, and also feel regret for doing something that caused another to want to hurt me. But regret will get us nowhere and as my coaching teacher Debbie Ford used to say, “Don’t should on yourself.” Our life is a treasure to behold, as well as everyone else’s life. If we can just remember this even with a part of our day we can begin to bring change into this world and help people feel better.

In life we will encounter a lot of tough decisions on the way, especially if we have kids and they are hurting inside. Today, I was getting caught up on one of my favorite shows, Parenthood. In the show Max, who is a teen with Asperger’s, is coping with someone peeing in his canteen on a school trip. At the end, his parents finally surrendered to Max’s desire to not go back to that school anymore where the administrators felt they couldn’t do anything to appease the bullying and live life on his terms rather than be harassed for being different. I wish we could all just give one another a hug and go surfing with great music playing in the background like they did in the show right now, but I know that is not really going to happen. So, in my imagination I am doing just that and hoping that we all can forgive one another and remember that same internal spark of light that exists within every one of us no matter our different circumstances.

If it has to start somewhere, let it start with us. It is hip to be A square!

Through the Foggy Looking Glass

March 6, 2014Awareness, Life Coach, Perception, Reflection, StressAntoine de Saint Exupery, awareness, Compassion, Life, life coach, Perception, purposeful perception, Regina Spektor, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, self-help, Trust, Yukon CorneliusBorn to Be

Recommended listening soundtrack: “Fidelity” by Regina Spektor on Begin to Hope

Upon awakening the other morning, I looked underneath the blinds framing my bedroom window and found myself face to face with a thick fog obscuring my view.

Or so I thought.

As I started to walk away, all these fear based thoughts started going through my head. How will I get to work in fog as thick as “pea soup”- or “peanut butter” as Yukon Cornelius argued in the ever so famous claymation Rudolph Christmas special with our favorite misfit elf, Hermey.

“You eat what you like, and I’ll eat what I like.”

I then proceeded to walk through my living room only to find the mountain view as clear as I had ever seen it with an added spark from the morning sunlight. All I could ask myself in my own sleepy fog was, “how on earth could there be peanut butter thick fog (I prefer Yukon’s choice) on one side of my home and no fog on the other?”

Oh, wait! I realized then that the humidifier in my bedroom fogged up my window glass on the inside, and the foggy world I thought existed on the other side of the glass, only existed from my side. In that moment, all I could do was laugh at how much my foggy window was emulating my life. All you have to do is mix in your experiences and how they have molded an inner landscape unlike no other, and you find yourself observing through your own foggy glass. I create my own obscurations and sometimes I just cannot see clearly through them.

Filtered or Unfiltered?

There are certain foods that are processed and you can enjoy them either filtered, or unfiltered. Wine is one of them! Whether filtered or unfiltered, each has a different taste and/or a different appearance. In the same light, our experiences can act like those particles in unfiltered wine that can make or break our relationships with others. I ask myself, can I trust what I am perceiving and hearing from another person? Or do I need to take the time to reflect regularly on where inside myself I am creating a perception of the person in front of me? Is it a filtered or unfiltered perspective?

This week has been overwhelming with some tough decisions and experiences that forced me to look within myself deeply about human accountability and how our choices can really mold the life we experience. I have found myself agonizing over the fate of another, and releasing that agony in a newly discovered, greater wisdom within my heart. If I could take anything from my foggy experience, it is that each of us is gifted with a journey in life that is tailor made to our purpose, and what we want to learn on a deeper level. The only thing I can do is trust that their view through the looking glass, this human experience, will continue to be clarified in their connection to others.

“But the eyes are blind. One must look with the heart.” ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPERY

For myself, I hope that the fog I create in this life becomes thinner and thinner as I continue to strive to remain more filtered in perceptions. If I can continuously see others and their experiences as something I can explore and gain a deeper understanding of their reality, I can in essence live a more helpful, peaceful life.

The other morning the fog initially seemed so powerful, but with one change in direction I realized it was not even real! Little did I know when I was a young child that the words of a cartoon gold prospector in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer would come back to remind me that it is true- we all see the world in our own way but it is how we meet in the middle that will help us solve our dilemmas and remain dear, dear friends.

A Heart Without Words

February 19, 2014Change, Empowerment, Heal, Life, Life Coach, Perception, Self Perception13 Going on 30, Gandhi, Life, life coach, Mark Ruffalo, mind, Once in a Lifetime, Perception, Soul, Talking HeadsBorn to Be

There are times in my life where I feel like I’m the main character in the song, “Once in a Lifetime,” by the Talking Heads. You never know when something is suddenly going to happen and you find yourself asking a simple, but profound statement, “Well, how did I get here?” That song is like a dose of therapy for me and I just want to rock out whenever it plays on my MP3 player like Mark Ruffalo’s teenage character in “13 Going on 30” when he starts “Burning Down the House” during the birthday party. Am I “dating” myself here?

But honestly- life is a balancing act and it is so easy to suddenly feel like you’re a waning silver ball in a pinball machine getting knocked around by some fired up kid, only to realize that you’re the one operating the device that is bashing yourself over and over again. It makes me laugh, and it also makes me want to cry. Both are good, because both are associated with a healthy release if you can simply adjust your mind’s lens to come face to face with that frame in your own movie.

I have the opportunity to ask myself, “How do I want to experience my day?”

Every morning, I have the choice to look myself in the mirror and remind myself that the film is rolling. I am the only one calling the shots, the director in the chair and the person holding the clapperboard shouting, “Take 1.” I have the opportunity to ask myself, “How do I want to experience my day?” Navigating each experience is like an exercise in focusing the camera and getting the magical shot that is going to win you the Oscar.

Perhaps. Life can prove to be difficult, it really can. In the state where I have lived the past 8 years, New Mexico, the annual legislative session is in full swing and I have had the pleasure (can you feel my sarcasm here?) of listening to a lot of it this year. In doing so, I find my mind blurring with the politics that exist in our society and how they create a barrier to what truly matters- providing the help where it is needed. But surprisingly, I experienced one of those moments when, buried beneath the snow at my feet, I witnessed the beginning of spring in a bright colorful flower straining to break through. As I was struggling to find anything positive regarding my listening commitment and the voices droning on in “debate”, SURPRISE!

A state representative was delivering the opening prayer to a floor session, when he gave a quote by Gandhi that I had never heard before,

“Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one’s weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.”

With that, the only words I can offer here, are- don’t give up. Or better yet- do. Because, it is usually in that moment of surrender that we are given a great gift. It may be the solution to your problem, or it just may be a moment of joy in your heart that will help you remember your truth while you process your life. And that my friends, “is the rest of the story.”

Owning Your Uncool

September 3, 2013Acceptance, Compassion, Film, Forgiveness, Gratefulness, Perception, Self PerceptionAlmost Famous, Compassion, DPchallenge, Holiday, Kate Winslet, Lester Bangs, Life, life coach, Miley Cyrus, MTV, Pop, purposeful perception, Self Perception, self-love, Uncool, Wisdom, WordpressBorn to Be

The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone else when we’re uncool. Lester Bangs, Almost Famous

There is a great scene in the film “The Holiday” when Kate Winslet’s character, Iris, is so distraught over hearing the news of her ex’s engagement that she starts breathing in gas from her stove as she is getting ready to light the flame for a cup of tea. She then realizes what she is doing and scrambles to open the window, finishing the moment with a mumble to herself, “Low point!”

I love this scene because it reminds me of our humanity and the vulnerability we carry in our hearts that result in situations in our lives that really are “UNCOOL.” It makes me laugh every time. The scene has become an unfailing reflection of my own relationship foibles. As I have opened this article with a quote that I also love, from another film (yes, I am a cinematic nut job), I can’t help but refer to it over and over again in my own life. A lot of getting over our self- judgments that usually result in some misguided perception about who we are, is about owning those moments in our lives where we really do hit those “low points” and seriously act “uncool.” Iris’s goofy attempt at poisoning herself with gas from her stove qualifies as one of these moments for me.

There has been a lot of talk over the past week about Miley Cyrus’s performance at the MTV VMA awards, and it has been funny to see many people’s reactions here on WordPress with the weekly writing challenge incorporating it as a guideline. Most people don’t want to give any energy to the topic and the hype of this pop performance dilemma. I totally understand it, as a person myself who has always rejected in some way through my own musical snobbery such mainstream musical gunk- which is why I have always related to the main characters in Almost Famous.

But I can’t help but notice that even those that don’t want to give any energy to the event still do by feeling the need to make their statement. When I finally had a second to actually watch the video, I found myself laughing out loud- really. Why? Because here was a person engaged in one of those “low points,” one of those “uncool” moments where her immaturity outweighed whatever it was she was trying to do on that stage. To me her performance was no different than a bunch of 13 year old awkward boys or girls having a sleep over acting outlandish about sex, a topic they don’t know anything about but want to be “cool.”

In my heart, I can’t help but be grateful that I now have enough wisdom to honor Cyrus’s process of growing up amidst all the labeling on this planet and the continuous blubbering over one concern to another regarding pop artists and what they are teaching our kids or what they say about our society as a whole. In the end, we have to all own our “uncool” moments for what they are and love ourselves because there is nothing else left that is real but that love. One day, I’m sure Ms. Cyrus will own her “uncool” also and be a person she herself can fully love rather than seek the hype surrounding celebrity marketing and drama.

It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To!

August 13, 2013Acceptance, Attachment, Ego, Faith, Gratefulness, MindfulnessAttachment, Baz Luhrman, Baz Luhrmann, Ego, Ewan McGregor, Faith, Grateful, Gratefulness, Life, life coach, Mindfulness, Miracles, Moulin Rouge, Nicole Kidman, purposeful perception, Self Perception, self-help, self-love, Stubborn, StubbornessBorn to Be

How easy is it to forget about all the wonderful we have in our lives and focus on what we don’t have? My inner “Stubborn Suzy” rears her pretty little head again and wants things a certain way in order to be “happy.” But often times there is a greater plan taking place and it is impossible to know all the moving pieces taking place so those big miracles can happen.

"Love is like oxygen!" Moulin Rouge — “Love is like oxygen!” Moulin Rouge

Yet. There is often this part of me that wonders…why do I have an innate desire to do something that is NOT happening? Maybe it is happening, just not as quickly as my flowering ego would like it to happen? But sometimes there is this part of me that feels like Ewan McGregor in Baz Luhrmann’s Moulin Rouge. That scene where he talks about love, and exclaims “love is like oxygen,” yet no one around him gets it, no one will believe him.

In the end his character suffers a painful fate when the person he finally gets to sing his love song to dies in his arms. There are moments when this is how I feel as life changes, and these little aspects of myself have to be let go into that abyss of the unknown. They die, and I must love and accept them so that they can make that transition.

WHY?

Why do we feel so wired to do something, yet feel like it is not going anywhere? Why does it feel so difficult to just let go? My “Stubborn Suzy” feels angry and wants to throw a temper tantrum. She just wants to tell the universe to bugger off. She wants everyone to know that it really is her party, and she can cry if she wants to. What is it that my “Stubborn Suzy” really needs, right now?

Honestly? I just don’t know. I’ll have to simply try and have a little faith in the way my heart feels, and that eventually its creations will surface in a form I will recognize. And my heart will again sing its love song.

REFLECTION EXERCISE

What are you grateful for today? What area in your life have you felt resentful about and wished that it were different? Ask yourself what aspect of yourself feels like it should be different and why? Write for 5 minutes about what you have accomplished, and how that is contributing to the “bigger picture.” Remember, it is impossible to see all the surprises the universe has in store for you, just have faith that they are on their way. Love yourself big!

I REMEMBER….

August 7, 2013Acceptance, Attachment, Awareness, Change, Compassion, DPChallenge, Life, Perception, StressChildhood Lesson, Children, Christmas, Compassion, DPchallenge, Life, life coach, mind, Perception, Self Perception, The Impossible, TLC, VirginiaBorn to Be

A Childhood Lesson on Life’s Fragility

Thank you Weekly Writing Challenge for drawing out from me another memory that framed the truth of perception for me.

A memory that really affected my perception of the world and its profound fragility came from a car accident I experienced in 4^th grade. It is weird how when you think about one memory, all of a sudden another memory pops up. Our mind is like a tree, branching out. One branch growing into another, so subtle and fluid. Fourth grade was one of those years that really stood out for me with change. The accident took place right after Christmas. Me and my brothers were corralled into our family’s little white Toyota Tercel by my Mom to take a trip to the local mall in an effort to exchange some things. It was a cloudy day and the roads were slick with drizzle from the winter sky. It was the early 80s- no one had their seat belts on.

“We don’t remember days, we remember moments.” Cesare Pavese

We lived in the woods of Virginia, so we traveled a lot on these curvy “back roads” as we called them with deep shoulders and no lines. As we took one of those curves our car hit the shoulder on my side of the car, me in the passenger front seat and my 2 younger brothers in the back. As we hit the shoulder, I grabbed for the dashboard. It was a futile effort to control a car that now had its own mission.

The only recollection I have “during” the accident was when my face planted into the very dashboard I reached for moments earlier. I do know that we flipped once, and as we began to flip a second time we hit a telephone pole or power line and this positioned us back on our wheels in someone’s front yard. I remember my Mother being very scared and crying- hitting the horn repeatedly to get anyone’s attention. Finally someone passed by, pulled over and was running from house to house to find a phone to call 911. This was also before cell phones.

I remember waiting on the grass in this stranger’s front yard that we passed so many times for the ambulance. My brother’s face was bleeding, but mostly I just remember my Mother being overwhelmingly distraught. There were 2 strong, emotionally charged memories from that experience that I still carry with me. One was of a kind EMT- I remember him telling jokes to draw out laughter from me and my brothers. I’m sure they were just as scared as I was.

The other most vivid memory from this ordeal took place at the hospital. I remember being alone in my little curtained cubicle in the ER, and crying. My mouth hurt because it had a very big cut behind my bottom lip that needed a lot of stitches. But also, I felt a lot of stress from being in that accident. It was kind of like what people experience with PTSD. I remember someone came in to look at my mouth and placated my crying with a “oh, you’re fine- no big deal- we’ll stitch you up and you’ll be out of here.” She even laughed at me. It was awful, and I will never forget that person’s lack of knowledge about the psychological impact of a car accident on a child. I couldn’t get that image of my Mother out of my head, panicking and crying and yelling for help. Saying over and over again, “my babies,” with anxiety and fear.

Most children are not fully aware of a world that “lacks control” around that age. They are just learning- and to see your parent in all their humanity, who you always note to be a leader, a solid foundation in your life- not solid and genuinely scared- is a huge learning experience and really affects your perception of the world. You are learning that everything is not always the way you think it is and all you thought to be safe and secure can change in the blink of an eye.

When I watched the film, The Impossible, I was very taken aback by the scene where the oldest son sees his mother physically falling apart and realizes for the first time how serious it was, and he didn’t know how to handle it. She had to refocus him and force him to keep moving or else they would die. I know my memory is nowhere near as traumatic as this was to that young boy- but in essence, it was very similar and it really affected me watching it. I only hope that other children who experience similar things will be helped with more kindness and compassion. Our physical world is very limiting- we never know what someone is feeling deeply inside- we are each a planet unto ourselves.

This is perception and the fragility of our perceptions creates valuable lessons for all of us. I only hope that we can all continue to remember how sensitive the ego of a child truly is, and their inability to describe where their emotions may be coming from makes their ordeal more traumatizing than it can be for an adult. With a little TLC, we can make a huge impact on someone’s life without understanding what is going on in their heart or head. It’s funny. I remember the one person that did care and tried to help me and my brother’s anxieties, as well as the one other person that did nothing. I learned so much from both of them!