Tag Archives: Life

Tourists in The Great Unknown, Unite!

May 21, 2014Change, Fear, Life Coach, Perception, Self PerceptionBelief Systems, Coldplay, Death Cab for Cutie, Fear, Garden State, Life, new mexico, Perception, purposeful perception, Roxette, Self Perception, The ShinsBorn to Be

Recommended Reading Soundtrack: Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall by Coldplay

And if you feel just like a tourist in the city you were born
Then it’s time to go
And define your destination

Death Cab for Cutie, You are a Tourist

Making choices in our lives about the BIG things- our jobs, relationships, who am I going to be when I wake up in the morning (ha!)- making these choices is not a simple task. As a human, there is always fear to contend with when it comes to those “big” things. It permeates everything around us, like a perfume that has lost its luster and just stinks up the joint by making something that already doesn’t smell so good, something worse.

As I was driving through the vast expanse of New Mexico recently and getting lost in my own heart’s great expanse, I was listening to Death Cab for Cutie singing their rock’n song, “You are a Tourist.” I sang along with their metaphorical lyrics,

“And if you feel just like a tourist in the city you were born,
Then it’s time to go.”

I thought to myself, “Sure, it’s easy to say that, but to implement big change like that in our lives takes courage and faith in what our heart is telling us.” Following through with those feelings and making changes in our lives does not come without risks and what I would call “mental torture.”

But the thing is, compromising who we are for the sake of not wanting to deal with the “big unknown” just perpetuates our limiting belief systems about ourselves and life’s possibilities. It all comes back to the “great unknown” but there is nothing we can do about the unknown. It is what it is. And, it is easy to get caught in a vicious cycle of judging ourselves for taking that risk because we are programmed to not take the risks that usually increase our personal growth potential exponentially.

I can say this, I’ve never met a person who regretted making the decision to believe in their life’s potential as something greater. When I was driving across the great unknown from Washington DC with my Dad, I was a little scared. I had just quit my job for something “unknown.” I was moving in with 2 new roommates that I really didn’t know. And, I was moving to a state thousands of miles away from my family and friends where I also “didn’t know” anyone. A state that many American citizens still think is a foreign country (I am not kidding!).

My Dad said to me on our cross country journey (the same Dad that doesn’t even like to leave his house and hadn’t been on an airplane since I was born- 30 years prior), “How do you know everything is going to be okay?” All I could say was, “I just know.” Sometimes, it pays to simply open that suitcase of fears we carry around with us every day, and contemplate the origin of our limiting belief systems. Because in all of our ends, our integrity and truth will never lead us astray.

A “Garden State” Moment

Tomorrow is not going to wait for us to make up our mind. No, I’m not going to quote a cheesy pop song by Roxette (still, Listen to Your Heart!). But, if you ever feel a new world burgeoning within you, just think about that moment when Andrew in the film Garden State was handed some music by Albuquerque’s The Shins. And his new friend Sam said, “You’ve got to hear this one song, it will change your life, I swear.” Although a moment like this appears to be outside of us, it is occurring within ourselves. And it is a profound, and motivating experience to behold. This moment, if you run with it, will definitely change your perception not only about yourself and what you are capable of, but will also change your perception about the world around you. Prepare to be launched into the great unknown, only to find what you’ve known all along but were afraid to admit. You are a rock star!

One. Two. Three- GO!

Loneliness Kicked My Achy Breaky Heart

May 7, 2014Carl Jung, DPChallenge, Ego, Gratefulness, Life Coach, Self PerceptionAchy Breaky Heart, Billy Ray Cyrus, Bridget Jones Diary, Crazy for You, DPchallenge, Ego, Gratefulness, Hall and Oates, Life, Loneliness, Madonna, purposeful perception, Sandra Bullock, Self Perception, self-love, Steve Earle, Teacher, The Cure, Transcendental Blues, While You Were Sleeping, Wizard of OzBorn to Be

Recommended Reading Soundtrack: Transcendental Blues by Steve Earl

When I was young, I remember being in the car with my Mom when the Hall and Oates song “Maneater” was playing on the radio. I was singing along, “Whoa, here she comes. Watch out boy, she’ll ‘chew your BUTT.” Laughter ensued by my mom, of course. If you don’t know that song (and I definitely wouldn’t hold it against you if you haven’t!), there is a reason as to why that was so funny.

Yes, my ears and brain had a few wires crossed and I actually confused the word “butt” with “up.” Oh, the sound of melancholy 80s pop love songs- the turmoil of Madonna in her song “Crazy for You.” Picture me in the back seat of our white Dodge Minivan, afraid at the humble age of 12 of the prospect of being alone for the rest of my life. Alone, alone, ALONE. Really!?

When I started thinking about what my greatest teacher in life has been, my heart met my mind in front of the great Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz. All kind of directions were popping up, but I was led to an unexpected place within myself. The thoughts opened the door to the root of my life’s greatest fear, and greatest teacher- the fear of being alone, abandoned, all by my lonesome with my own “Achy Breaky Heart.” The fact that I can’t stand country music makes the fear that much more substantiated.

Loneliness, once my mind’s arch enemy, has become my best friend. Without it I could never have seen the truth of who I am- like a mirror on display simultaneously within me and outside of me. It has taught me time and again the opposite- that I am never alone as I exist in everything I feel, perceive around me.

Once, when I was confronting all the reasons I believed no one would want me and I would die as Bridget Jones’ version of a lonely old “spinster,” and eventually be eaten by wild dogs, I was bluntly asked, “Are you crazy?” He continued, this stranger that was deeply involved in one of the most difficult confession sessions I had ever completed, “Why would you ever believe those things about yourself?”

That question turned out to be one that I am grateful for every day. This fear of being alone has led me on a journey of inner knowing, a “wild goose chase” if you will, that I never thought was possible. Through all the “crazy,” the tears, the crippling mental self flagellation, I have come out to the world with the understanding that it was only me, myself and I that could attempt to isolate myself from my truth and the people that operate within it.

What is my truth? That in every laugh, impulsive reaction of every person I find annoying, adore, or look up to- there I am. No, I don’t have multiple personality disorder, but what I do have is a case of being human. The most difficult and awesome part of the experience is that all I see in others is a simple reflection of me.

In the end of the film, While You Were Sleeping, when Bullock’s character Lucy confesses she really is not the fiancé of the man she is about to marry, she explains to mother, father, grandmother, godfather, and sister, that she simply fell in love with not just her fiancé, but ALL of them. And just like that, she was never alone again. Through the fear of my greatest teacher (and many Cure songs of course) I have found a path to loving and appreciating all parts of myself within everyone I encounter. And I am ever abundantly more in love with all aspects of being human, every day.

I AM Napoleon Dynamite

April 18, 2014Boundaries, Co-dependent, Ego, Life Coach, Self PerceptionAbout a Boy, Billy Idol, Boundaries, co-dependent, Dancing with Myself, Ego, Empowerment, Killing me Softly, Life, life coach, Liger, Napoleon Dynamite, Perception, purposeful perception, Roberta Flack, Self PerceptionBorn to Be

Okay, maybe I am really not Napoleon Dynamite in form- but in a lot of ways inside, I am. Time and again, I am humbled through the recognition that I AM everything I see in others…even an odd dude who draws magical animals like “ligers” and some how musters the courage to do an awesome dance to “Canned Heat” by Jamiroquai on stage in front of a crowd of some of the most potentially judgmental people around, high school students! Like Will states to Marcus in the film About a Boy before he steps on stage with a tambourine and sings “Killing Me Softly” by Roberta Flack, “It’s social suicide!”

Mis-perception Blues

This past week, I’ve had a case of the “mis-perception blues,” so to speak. So I’ve been looking outside myself for some inspiration to reflect back to my skewed inner world. As I was running I just thought about the legendary Napoleon Dynamite who embraced nerdiness and the desire to help a friend win the school election no matter the potential consequences. And so, this is my monthly outing of myself as a total nerd that sometimes rocks out to Billy Idol’s “Dancing with Myself” in my bedroom- alone.

Every once in awhile we are pushed to do some soul searching on our own negative qualities as we feel overwhelmed by others that assert themselves into our lives. The ego part of me wanted to just bow out, curl up in my pajamas and eat cheese puffs while talking to the psychic network. Fortunately, I chose to confront the inner demon head on and readjust my camera lens in an effort to make some changes in my life.

Winona Ryder's character in film Reality Bites, couching it. — Winona Ryder’s character in film Reality Bites, couching it.

Instead of hiding, I’m recognizing that I’ve had a problem with thinking that what I am able to give to others will determine how they will perceive me and give me approval. For me moving forward, relationships, whether they are friendships, business partners, or family, are based on good boundaries and simply liking and respecting one another. And like Napoleon Dynamite, I can get up on that stage with my puffy black high tops (well, more like platform sandals) and my “Vote for Pedro” t-shirt and ROCK OUT! Thank you audience in advance for applauding and not throwing bottles at my head.

Finding the Value in the Undervalued

April 9, 2014DPChallenge, Life Coach, Perception, Self PerceptionBoundaries, DPchallenge, Empowerment, Life, New Years, Perception, Self Perception, self-love, Washington DCBorn to Be

It’s New Year’s. I’m celebrating with friends in DC. My DJ husband is spinning records, doing his usual ignore while drinking a bottle of Jack.

It turns midnight. I’m alone. Another man makes eye contact, and kisses my cheek. I realize I don’t value myself. Another negative self-perception to confront.

It’s Hip to Be A Square

April 1, 2014Acceptance, Attachment, Ego, Life Coach, PerceptionAspergers, Attachment, Bullying, Compassion, debbie ford, Ego, Hip to Be A Square, Hip to Be Square, Huey Lewis and the News, LA Times, Life, life coach, My Little Pony, Parenthood, Perception, Queen, Revenge of the Nerds, Sesame Street, Susan Rowher, We Are The ChampionsBorn to Be

“School should be a place for children to learn and grow, not where they end up bullied for simply being themselves.” Susan Rowher, Guest Blogger, LA Times

Listening Soundtrack: Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World, Israel ‘IZ’ Kamakawiwo’ole

Do you remember when Sesame Street took the cheesy pop song by Huey Lewis in the News (I know I am putting myself at risk by denoting this song as “cheesy,” please- have mercy on me!) “It’s Hip to be Square” and magically turned it into “It’s Hip to be A Square”? Love it! And so it goes- this is the perfect song to relate to this blog post regarding all the awesome “squares” in the world. This one goes out to you!

Last week I was driving to work in the early morning, crossing a beautifully tree lined river where tiny green leaves were slowly making their way to the new day sunlight, when I heard a discussion on the radio about a boy being bullied in school for his choice of a My Little Pony backpack (old news to some- but I can’t get it out of my head!). If you have heard this story- I’ll be brief! The school decided that the way to allay the bullying was to have the young boy not bring his choice of backpack to school any longer. Keep in mind that the boy was already being bullied prior to the backpack incident. The mother in her efforts to seek help went to the media with the story.

We Are The Champions, My Friends

How many of us have been just like this young boy in life, modifying the truth of who we are just to appease the grumpalumps that don’t agree with what we chose to wear or the music we enjoy as a way to avoid disapproval? The answer? Everyone. Let’s think…”Revenge of the Nerds” anyone? I mean, who didn’t feel exhilarated and teary eyed at the end of the film when Queen’s “We Are The Champions” was played as Anthony Edwards and all his nerd friends stood up for themselves? Go Booger!

The LA Times published an opinion piece recently about not only this incident, but a girl in Virginia who also was recently told by a school that she didn’t dress feminine enough and if she didn’t change her choice of clothing their school was not the right place for them. Really?! I was a tomboy when I was younger, I had a mullet, buck teeth and played with GI Joes. I’m pretty girlie as an adult. In the end, is deliberately making someone feel like an outcast really accomplishing anything?

In the opinion piece, guest blogger Susan Rowher stated in the opening (and fantastic) quote, “School should be a place for children to learn and grow, not where they end up bullied for simply being themselves.” To elaborate on this point, I feel like life should also be that way, no matter how old you are or where you are working, living.

What We Think We Know

In a way it is almost surreal that human beings would attach so much meaning to a backpack’s theme that they would actually harass them, even physically hurt them. Why do clothes, physical objects, carry so much meaning for us as a society that people actually feel threatened by them? When will a backpack just be a backpack? When will a word that is directed at us just be a word, rather than an internal jail sentence for life? Why do people feel so threatened by something that is different from what they think they know?

It’s Our Choice

The mind is a magician in a pretty big and diverse world. It likes to play games so we continue to engage in its game. It is programmed to perpetuate a belief that we are not connected to one another. And it in turn has the potential within all of us to create suffering. The suffering is not only for others, we experience it as well. The diamond in the ruff of this life is that we actually have a choice about what thoughts we are going to align ourselves with, and we can think about which ones will continue to just make us and others feel badly.

“Don’t should on yourself.”

When I look back at my life, there are times where I have regretted hurting others, and also feel regret for doing something that caused another to want to hurt me. But regret will get us nowhere and as my coaching teacher Debbie Ford used to say, “Don’t should on yourself.” Our life is a treasure to behold, as well as everyone else’s life. If we can just remember this even with a part of our day we can begin to bring change into this world and help people feel better.

In life we will encounter a lot of tough decisions on the way, especially if we have kids and they are hurting inside. Today, I was getting caught up on one of my favorite shows, Parenthood. In the show Max, who is a teen with Asperger’s, is coping with someone peeing in his canteen on a school trip. At the end, his parents finally surrendered to Max’s desire to not go back to that school anymore where the administrators felt they couldn’t do anything to appease the bullying and live life on his terms rather than be harassed for being different. I wish we could all just give one another a hug and go surfing with great music playing in the background like they did in the show right now, but I know that is not really going to happen. So, in my imagination I am doing just that and hoping that we all can forgive one another and remember that same internal spark of light that exists within every one of us no matter our different circumstances.

If it has to start somewhere, let it start with us. It is hip to be A square!

Age, Impermanence and All That Jazz

March 11, 2014Aging, DPChallenge, Ego, Empowerment, Gratefulness, PerceptionA lot Like Love, Age, aging, Amanda Peet, American Beauty, buddhism, death, DPchallenge, Ego, Empowerment, Expectations, Explosions in the Sky, Gratefulness, Harry Potter, Lester Burnham, Life, Napoleon Dynamite, PerceptionBorn to Be

Recommended reading soundtrack: Explosions in the Sky, “Your Hand In Mine”

“I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn’t a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time… For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars… And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined our street… Or my grandmother’s hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper… And the first time I saw my cousin Tony’s brand new Firebird… And Janie… And Janie… And… Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me… but it’s hard to stay mad, when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst… And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life… You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry… you will someday.” Lester Burnham in the film “American Beauty.”

When I read that quote, when I hear the voice in that quote- no matter how many times- chills run through my body and tears well up in my eyes. This feeling, although emotional, is an indicator of truth for me. It epitomizes what the word “age” means to me. How can we put a value on aging in a culture that markets it as unwanted, something to be resisted? Every time I find my mind wandering into a fear about aging, I flashback to the version of myself at 21 and I remember how grateful I am to no longer be anywhere in the vicinity of that age. Kind of like Amanda Peet’s character in the movie “A lot Like Love” (a simple film, yes- but who doesn’t laugh their arse off when she runs into the sliding glass door?) where she is reminded of her punk rock stage in college where she dated angry musicians. Only I always ended up with drummers.

A Time Machine & Magical Spells

Remember Napoleon Dynamite’s brother who can’t let go of his high school football career and is in search of a time travel machine? I think I would rather endure a Harry Potter spell of vomiting slugs than go back in time. Especially to high school! Why? Because transformation really sweetens the deal in life, and no matter how difficult it gets, I now at least have the emotional tools to deal with things in a more balanced way. Not everyone has experienced life in the same way- but there is something about age that I just can’t resist deep down.

You Mean I’m going to die?

It is the life, the experience that determines the molding of our belief systems that correlate with our perception of what aging will yield to us. This includes our infinite potential- all possibilities. We have a tendency to limit our potential by thinking that age determines something in the abstract about who we are, how we have failed to live up to something that does not even exist. Do you let expectations about who you are “supposed” to be bring you down, and cloud your enjoyment of life as you age? Do you remember in your actions that with each day comes the possibility of a life ended?

Sometimes I feel like I am engaged in a race against time. “I have to get this done,” I tell myself. “If I don’t accomplish this- what will it say about me? Am I wasting this life? Am I fulfilling my human purpose to help people and make this world a better place?” These are all sound questions, but they can get in the way of simply enjoying life as well and seeing how your role unfolds through active, present engagement. It is the ego’s tendency to put the pressure on, but you can be sure that if you are putting the pressure on yourself to “be” something or “do” something, then you are impeding life’s natural flow and at the same time making yourself miserable.

It’s Question Time

Age. Perhaps the only pressure we should engage in with ourselves as we age should involve the amount of love we hold in our hearts like that balloon that is about to burst- for ourselves and the true beauty of our world as Lester Burnham suggests at the end of his life in American Beauty.

Perhaps we should ask ourselves, when was the last time that we felt “anything but gratitude for every single moment” in our lives and shared that gratitude with those around us? I am grateful for this moment that I am sharing with you, and hope that together we can approach age as a meaningful gift. I am also grateful for this opportunity to reflect on my own perception of aging and how it may limit me or empower me to live a life that is engaging and powerful.