Category Archives: Peace

LESSONS LEARNED FROM POP CULTURE- LOVE ACTUALLY

Buddhism, Compassion, Film, Forgiveness, Joy, Karma, Life, Life Coach, Love, Peace, Power, , , , , , , , , ,

“Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaking suspicion… love actually is all around.”  Prime Minister, Love Actually

Whenever I feel depressed or downtrodden myself in regards to life, I love to put on a film that will help me gain perspective and turn things around.  It’s like that moment in the movie Reality Bites when Wynona Ryder’s character feels herself sinking as the elevator is going down. She realizes that all the roads she is attempting to take for her employment are going nowhere and she is beginning to fail miserably in her quest to validate her hope in the world she had created in graduating from college.  “Love Actually” is one of those films that always helps me gain perspective, especially when I hear the opening quote by the Prime Minister.  Just watching the scenes from the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport I begin to tear up.

And now, whenever I’m actually at the airport I have the same experience!  I think the most catching part for me was when the quote goes into the planes hitting the Twin Towers.  The writer gives insight into the beauty of our human connection and our purpose as human beings- to express love and learn from it.

“When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love.”

When I heard that piece of the quote for the first time, it was like someone opening the curtains and letting the sunlight in my heart.  Whenever I hear the quote now- I have the same experience.  My experience never changes no matter how many times the television comes clean with the same statement about messages of love.  If you knew you were about to die and you had a chance to call someone- who would you contact to convey a message of love?  Who would you forgive as well as apologize to?  I know it may sound cliché, but life is short and we could very well die tomorrow.  The person you want to apologize to could die tomorrow as well.  There is a temporal aspect to our experience and we have to embrace every opportunity we have to clean up all the regrets and resentments we carry around in our hearts, our minds.

When I was training as a life coach, we were given a great assignment- to go through all that baggage and clean it up already.  Every person I had wanted to so desperately apologize to for something I thought I had done to them- I had the opportunity now to write it all down in a big list and purify it all with love.  Facebook became the greatest invention on earth for me!  I was able to contact so many people and just say, “I’m sorry.”  It was one of the most liberating experiences in my life.  I felt so light, free- so filled with gratefulness for the opportunity to just simply let it all go.  All of us have that opportunity and it is up to us to do the work, let go of our stubbornness and desire to point the finger in someone’s face.

We have a great opportunity and I recommend that everyone do it at least once in your life!  One of the most interesting insights I learned through the whole process was how much weight I had placed onto my experiences all by my lonesome self with shame and regret- when the other person did not even have a clue nor did they even think I had really hurt them.  We feel shameful and embarrassed for behaving certain ways in our ignorance or incorrect state of mind and don’t realize how much this baggage really affects us.  When you grab your past by the reigns and really plunge into the future with full-on releasement you free yourself from the grasping of the mind that perpetuates karma.  You give to yourself, as well as that other person, a great opportunity of freedom and joy.  And, it is beautiful.

If you feel scared in your attempt to nullify an uncomfortable situation, simply remember, “…love actually is all around.”

COMPASSION FOR OUR DARKEST MOMENTS

Attachment, Awareness, Buddhism, Carl Jung, Charter for Compassion, Compassion, Debbie Ford, Ego, Forgiveness, Joy, Life, Life Coach, Peace, Psychology, self-help, , , , , , , , , , , ,
From Charter for Compassion, Article by Rita Hibbard, Relying on the Kindness of Strangers

Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It’s always darkest before the dawn

And I’ve been a fool and I’ve been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I’m always dragging that horse around
And our love is pastured such a mournful sound
Tonight I’m gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues drawn
But it’s always darkest before the dawn

Florence and the Machine, “Shake It Out”

In my own journey, I have learned a great deal about compassion.  Not only for others, but compassion for myself and all my foibles in this life.  As most of you know, and at the risk of sounding utterly cliché at this moment, without our life’s foibles we would never grow- that is, if we have the wisdom to see our foibles as growing experiences rather than things “happening to us”.  If compassion does not begin within ourselves, then it is very difficult to have compassion for other people.  In fact, those that are very hard on others are most likely even harder on themselves.  Our outer is a reflection of our inner no matter how we deal the cards.

A long time ago at a retreat for my coaching work, my teacher Debbie Ford came on stage holding a baby doll.  She brought to everyone’s attention how cute and sweet this innocent little child was.  Then, she started yelling and criticizing the baby doll and hitting it against the chair.  Afterwards, she noted that this is how most of us treat our own selves emotionally every day through constant criticism and fear.  We usually treat others better than we treat our perceived self because no one can hear how verbally abusive we can truly be when we are talking to our selves.  Sadly, not all stick to just verbal abuse with themselves.  There are many in this world that physically abuse themselves as well.  I am confessing in this moment that I was once one of those people.

What most don’t realize is that there is an aspect within ourselves that really is genuinely receiving this criticism and begging for love.  It is usually the piece of us that made that very mistake when he or she was a little child, and shamed for making that very mistake.  In taking on WordPress’s “daily prompt”, I googled the word “kindness”.  In that “googling” I was presented with the above image as the 11th.  It was a graphic on the article “Relying on the Kindness of Strangers” by Rita Hibbard for the Charter for Compassion website.  I love this graphic!  It was perfect, and brought me to one of my favorite topics- compassion!  All of a sudden the song “Shake It Out” by Florence and the Machine came on my Pandora station- and the lyrics (listed above) met me at the fork in the road concerning this inspiring graphic and word.  In the song Florence states that it is “always darkest before the dawn” and I could not agree more.

How many of you have been dragging a dead horse around so to speak on your back and you just can’t let it go because it gives you an opportunity to continue to criticize yourself?  What does this opportunity afford you?  Many people believe that attachment has to do with those things we love in this life- but this is not true.  We are also attached to the opportunities that allow for our inner demons to control our life.  Face the inner demon.  It will only get better from there, I promise.  I say that as testimony to my own darkness and how facing it changed me forever.  It gave me new opportunities to love and embrace the joy that I rejected because I didn’t think I deserved it.  The only way I could face it was through compassion.  I was enabled to see that little girl in me suffering and give her the love she needed to move on and own her light.

To express our light takes great courage, and I invite you to express your light and have compassion for yourself.  Let those foibles go and you will be of greater service to this world through the expression of genuine compassion for others suffering.  I promise.

COLOR ME SKY ANEW

Awareness, Buddhism, Compassion, Ego, Emptiness, Joy, Life, Nature, Peace, Poetry, Self Perception, , , , , , , , ,

This recurrence of feeling appearing from somewhere
Walking around this labyrinth of moments- singing and laughing
Something is happening as a dancing wisp of light
Lifts me into the sky and I am somewhere, again
Everyone wishing for this light to seep into their denseness
To become something other than the heaviness of the mind
Opening up my arms to the possibility
Where is everyone?
A leaf twists in a dollop of warm air that drops from my mouth
I shall blow my dreams upon you little leaf
And you will carry them for eternity
Even when your color turns in the midst of a changing temperature
You will ride another wind into a soft tuft of grass where I shall lay my head
As you blend into the earth beside my worn face
You will give me compassion and I shall cry
As I water the earth with my heart and tears
We shall become new again.

When I wrote this poem, I was sitting outside on my patio one evening admiring the New Mexico sky and all its amplified color.  Living in New Mexico I am lucky to live as a guest and witness to some of the most extraordinary light.  This light illuminates the world around me in a way that is inspiring.  Witnessing nature and all it reveals to us is a gift and a place of contemplation in simply being.  I am grateful every day for all that nature reveals to us through the movement of the sun and moon each day, and through the changing seasons.  Here we are again, fall…..autumn.

Autumn gives us a cyclical opportunity to remember that at every moment change has occurred.  My body, emotions, and mental state- they are changed and different with every passing second.  There is no permanent “self”.  My body that once was born and small enough to be held by my parents is now 5’7” and again- forever changing.  Nature has taught me that no matter how permanent my ego tells me I am, it is not true.  And I can use this as a subtle opportunity to remember to love and not be so hard on the world around me and my own perceived self.  Every moment of compassion brings about more change and what once “was” between me and another person may be anew with understanding and gratefulness.

I am grateful even for this small opportunity to write and share with you how your beauty that has been reflected in this season we call autumn has changed me, once again.

Knocking on Death’s Door

Attachment, Awareness, Buddhism, Life, Life Coach, oneness, Peace, Psychology, Reflection, self-help

Knocking on Death’s Door
By: Jessica Burnham

Think not disdainfully on death, but look on it with favor, for even death is one of the things that nature wills.
Marcus Aurelius Antonius, Meditations

The notion of death can be perceived in many ways. Kali the Hindu goddess is deemed the bearer of death and destruction. Many fear the idea of death and destruction that Kali embodies, without thinking about how important it is to our life. Without death and destruction our lives would not be a mirror for our evolution at all. We would remain without growth, enlightenment- and nothing would ever end. We would be living Bill Murray’s life as the eternal weather man in the film Groundhog Day, only it probably wouldn’t be quite that funny.

The great thing about Murray’s character in that film, is that he finally gets sick of trying to die and end everything without ever growing and seeing beyond his self centeredness- and realizes that he has this great opportunity to become something worth living for and for others. Would it not be amazing if we could look at our present life as the eternal Groundhog Day? That this life will continue on after our death, only in another form, and we would still experience the same old crap that we currently experience unless we decide to take hold of this amazing gift and use it for the highest good of all sentient beings?

Grace has given many of us experiences that show us how fleeting our current life is, and the wisdom to take heed. We can choose to use this life to its maximum capacity for our growth as evolving beings, and not only change the world in which we live in- but change the world others live in as well.

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. Mahatma Gandhi
This quote by Mahatma Gandhi says it all. “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” He certainly did, didn’t he? The thing is, we will live forever and if not in this life, or maybe in the next, we will all experience what we are meant to experience- the understanding that every moment is a moment of dying or ending. Only it is not the way our ego perceives dying. It is the end of something completed, only to give rise to the next step, phase, experience; yielding to us the present moment- a moment without attachment to anything in the past or future.

In my coaching work, we are taught to ask this question- what are you willing to risk or give up in order to accomplish your goal. I often think of this as- what are we willing to end? What pattern or addiction that we are attached to keeps us chained to our monkey mind’s demands- and does not provide opportunity for growth and evolution?

In Buddhism, they teach a lot about attachment. I was sitting on a plane returning home after visiting family for the holidays. I was reading a book about anger by Thubten Chodron, a Buddhist nun, and I looked over at my significant other wanting affection. I gave him affection- hoping for some in return and it was not granted. I felt bad inside, but didn’t say anything. Then I looked at my book and began reading again. I immediately came to a paragraph about attachment to relationships, and how they feed an expectation for affection. I laughed inside at how amazing the universe delivers these little tidbits when we need them most.

I chose to look inside myself and say- it is time for me to give up this attachment to this personal relationship, and all others. I can love without attaching my expectations and desires to this person. I made the choice for this addiction to end. And hopefully it will not carry over into the next life, if I can continue with my dedication to let go of my mind’s attachment. It is our attachment that makes death appear so daunting. If we were not attached to anything around us, then the idea of death would seem very simple- wouldn’t it? The fear of destruction would end- because change would be okay.

Think about it- this psychology- the fear of ending the fear of something ending. I know that sounds confusing at first- but it is a reality. How many of us really are afraid of ending the attachment to what fear does for us? What does your fear do for you? How does it give you the opportunity to hold onto things that you’ve outgrown? It is like having a co-dependant relationship with your inner demon. This co-dependant relationship is what creates our perceptual hell. Many people are afraid of death, because they don’t know what will happen after they die. But the truth is, we never know what will happen from moment to moment. All we can do is continue our evolution by letting go of our attachment to the fear of the unknown, what some people call death or destruction.

Our Universal Plan

Attachment, Life Coach, Peace, Psychology, self-help, transformation

Our Universal Plan
By: Jessica Burnham

You know that feeling? When you’ve had a really peaceful meditation, and it sticks with you throughout the entire day? You carry this beautiful energy through you like an electric current, and even the most annoying things- for some reason- don’t annoy you? And you sit there, in your car, and think- I wish I had this reaction every day!

Life is strange that way. But in its strangeness, when we are given gifts like that, it helps us see something different. And then our whole life has a different perspective when stress rears its ugly head. Perhaps this is what happens as we grow out of the mind’s streaming program into our bliss. Recently, as I was encountering my usual mood altering circumstances (like mind altering drugs I suppose- are they really different??), I felt this stream of peacefulness flowing through me and I realized all I had to say to myself was “This is what the universe has planned for me today.” When I heard this, all thoughts of restlessness, impatience, frustration dissolved in my consciousness. I saw something completely different, and it felt really good. I didn’t feel like I was being controlled by anyone and others’ circumstances- it just simply was. What was happening around me was not some conspiracy by my outside world to test me beyond acceptance.

Whatever that good feeling was by spirit’s definition, it basically felt good because it simply was the lack of negativity projected by my own issues. It was not anything beyond that. I was not striving for some ‘great’ feeling like we do with all our searches. What I realized is- this really is who I am. Inherently I am this peace. I am nothing beyond that- not even ‘good’. I simply am without my negativity born of karma and past experiences. The inherent desire to not want to deal with our garbage puts us into this delusion. Our resistance to seeing our flaws and our darkness, through shame, creates a deep bog that can become unbearable at times for our beingness.

Have you ever witnessed a confrontation and thought to yourself, why are they getting so upset? If someone said that to me, I wouldn’t get so upset. But then when someone does confront you in a similar way you find yourself agitated and angry, and defensive? And they say, why are you getting so upset (this is when the bubble pops over the character’s head and reads “Haven’t I heard this somewhere before”)? And you don’t want to admit to yourself that you’re getting upset by something that you’ve questioned someone else for getting so upset over. You are all of a sudden sandwiched, cornered by your own rejection. So you fight back, trying to get out of your corner.

What is even more interesting about this kind of situation, is how completely different we feel when someone else tells us what they see in our behavior. If we say it to our self, it has no meaning- but when someone else says it to us, we react. Why is it when another conscious being calls us on something we react, but it is okay for us to say something negative to our self? To take it a step further, why has our society taught us that self abuse is completely acceptable, but abuse from others is not?

Someone once told me that when the commandment ‘Thou shalt not kill’ was taught, its true meaning was that the soul could never be killed. No matter what we think when a body dies, the human experience disappears before us in that body- but it still exists, because we are still existing. We are a part of that soul’s experience- and in that oneness, nothing can ever die. Can the mind’s madness continuum ever dissolve like the body in death? I believe the answer to this is no. But- where we act from, and what we connect with inside can change. And this is what brings us peace in our lives. This is the lightness that we deserve.

Every day we venture out into the world, we are encountering a plan. Whether it was something we, as a part of the universe, thought of years ago, or thought of yesterday, the plan appears. But the plan can morph from day to day based on where our consciousness resides. What a relief to know that sometimes, the plan presents itself, rather than me always having to present a plan in some formal way like I am the delusional micromanager of my universe!

There remains a balance to achieve in our understanding of this concept. A balance that keeps us in check, so we are not always waiting for the next great plan to appear. Rather, we are constantly planning in all that we think and do, the catch is accepting the ones that don’t always seem so appealing without resistance. I think this is a deep accomplishment for all of us. Profoundness lies in being in this state of acceptance regularly. Encountering the happenings of every day life, without attachment to what should have happened and our expectations of what ‘good’ truly is.