Category Archives: Life Coach

A World of Objectification? Maybe.

Carl Jung, Compassion, DPChallenge, Ego, Life Coach, Media, Mind, Perception, , , , , , , , , , ,

“In the New Media culture, anything good you do is tossed in a pit, and you are measured by who you are on your worst day.  What’s the Boy Scout code? Trustworthy. Loyal. Helpful. Friendly. Courteous. Kind. Obedient. Cheerful. Thrifty. Brave. Clean. Reverent. I might be all of those things, at certain moments. But people suspect that whatever good you do, you are faking. You’re that guy.”  Alec Baldwin

You have to love it when someone has just had enough, and instead of sitting on the sidelines, they helplessly try to make their peace with their antagonist.  Especially when it surfaces as a public rant.  The rebellious part of me roots them on, but there is the other part of me that feels sad they were brought to the point of insane expressionism.  One minute you can be feeling light and airy like a painting by Monet, the next minute you feel like you’re being devoured by Saturn in one of Goya’s “Black Paintings.”

We’ve all been there- especially at the end of a relationship that has gone totally downhill.  After long periods of distress with anyone, you reach your breaking point.  It is how you handle those breaking points that can create a defining moment in your life.  You might find yourself hurling a spoon of mashed potatoes at your brother’s face like Kevin in the Wonder Years during a family dinner (insert laughter here!).  Or you might be like Alec Baldwin earlier this week, writing an angry manifesto to the world of media saying “goodbye to the public life”.

Projecting Our Positives and Negatives

human_shadowYes, guilty as charged- I read it.  And, I have to admit, I feel compassion for him.  People who live in the public eye, whether they are “celebrities” or “politicians”, have drawn a tough lot in many ways.  Everything they say or do is scrutinized, judged.  The person that once existed in that shell of a body eventually becomes objectified by a media that has become a constant feeding source for the ego.  They aren’t human beings anymore to the public that reads these stories or checks out their picture in People magazine.  They become a story, an image to laugh at, an image to aspire to- but the human being, the world unto itself, slowly disappears in the words that try to paint a picture about them.  The rabble will project their light and darkness on them and make them become what they want in that moment.  It’s like an energy vampire feeding time.

Remembering Compassion, Remembering We Are Not Objects

compassion-sunday-begins-with-youIn conjunction with this, I recently saw the film about one of our world’s most objectified women- Diana with Naomi Watts, directed by Oliver Hirschbiegel.  I knew nothing about this film, and saw it on Amazon one night, wondering what the heck it was and its take on her life.  To say the least, it was very well done.  The film showed how difficult the life of Princess Diana became towards the end due to the media, eventually leading to her tragic death.  She developed all of these strategies to get to places without the media’s knowledge, just to do something that we would see as mundane.  Getting a hamburger for her was like obtaining a visa to visit Azerbaijan.

Towards the end of the film, before her fatal car crash, she attempted to eat a meal at her hotel’s restaurant, when a camera flashes from another diner.  She had absolutely no privacy and you could see in Naomi Watts’ performance a shell of a person that had lost the love of her life because she couldn’t avoid the media’s attention.

Alec Baldwin stated in his letter that, “In the New Media culture, anything good you do is tossed in a pit, and you are measured by who you are on your worst day.”  I find this statement fascinating, because it is true that we appear to another as they choose to perceive us.  Yes, we all have “bad” days.  And, yes- we all have “good” days.  That’s because we are all of it- both good and bad.  We never know what a person is going through, how their world may be falling apart or coming together.  Knowing this, it may help us to be more compassionate beings and remember when you do see someone falling apart- that could be me.

A Heart Without Words

Change, Empowerment, Heal, Life, Life Coach, Perception, Self Perception, , , , , , , , ,

There are times in my life where I feel like I’m the main character in the song, “Once in a Lifetime,” by the Talking Heads.  You never know when something is suddenly going to happen and you find yourself asking a simple, but profound statement, “Well, how did I get here?”  That song is like a dose of therapy for me and I just want to rock out whenever it plays on my MP3 player like Mark Ruffalo’s teenage character in “13 Going on 30” when he starts “Burning Down the House” during the birthday party.  Am I “dating” myself here?

But honestly- life is a balancing act and it is so easy to suddenly feel like you’re a waning silver ball in a pinball machine getting knocked around by some fired up kid, only to realize that you’re the one operating the device that is bashing yourself over and over again.  It makes me laugh, and it also makes me want to cry.  Both are good, because both are associated with a healthy release if you can simply adjust your mind’s lens to come face to face with that frame in your own movie.

I have the opportunity to ask myself, “How do I want to experience my day?”

Every morning, I have the choice to look myself in the mirror and remind myself that the film is rolling.  I am the only one calling the shots, the director in the chair and the person holding the clapperboard shouting, “Take 1.”  I have the opportunity to ask myself, “How do I want to experience my day?”  Navigating each experience is like an exercise in focusing the camera and getting the magical shot that is going to win you the Oscar.

flowers_snowPerhaps.  Life can prove to be difficult, it really can.  In the state where I have lived the past 8 years, New Mexico, the annual legislative session is in full swing and I have had the pleasure (can you feel my sarcasm here?) of listening to a lot of it this year.  In doing so, I find my mind blurring with the politics that exist in our society and how they create a barrier to what truly matters- providing the help where it is needed.  But surprisingly, I experienced one of those moments when, buried beneath the snow at my feet, I witnessed the beginning of spring in a bright colorful flower straining to break through.   As I was struggling to find anything positive regarding my listening commitment and the voices droning on in “debate”, SURPRISE!

A state representative was delivering the opening prayer to a floor session, when he gave a quote by Gandhi that I had never heard before,

Gandhi w child smiling“Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one’s weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.”

With that, the only words I can offer here, are- don’t give up.  Or better yet- do.  Because, it is usually in that moment of surrender that we are given a great gift.  It may be the solution to your problem, or it just may be a moment of joy in your heart that will help you remember your truth while you process your life.  And that my friends, “is the rest of the story.”

My Funny Valentines- A Lumineers Moment

DPChallenge, Gratefulness, Grief, Life Coach, Love, Mindfulness, Stress, , , , , , , , , , , ,

There are moments in our lives when we are given the great privilege to witness a deep, unimaginable love.  It is during such moments that I wish I could bottle it up.  And, whenever I feel a moment of high-test overwhelm or forgetfulness of what is most important in life, I could just pull it off a shelf, remove the top and take a nice deep breath.  Perhaps that is why writing is so important to me, as it gives us that opportunity to hold fast to those moments in our hearts, and share them with the rest of the world in high hopes that it will simply multiply with every reader’s eyes and connecting spirit.  Although, you wouldn’t know it by the unexplainable break I have taken from blogging!

My grandmother, Gertie, holding one of my favorite vocalists, my niece- Shaili.
My grandmother, Gertie, holding one of my favorite vocalists, my niece- Shaili.

But this daily prompt is another perfect opportunity to get back into the game of connecting with the brilliant hearts and minds reading this blog now.  A year ago today, my grandmother, Gertie, passed away after a long life in a place called Long Island.  With her passing I was left with one of those cherished privileges to witness this deep love that I have described, that resulted from a grand moment of togetherness and a mutual experience of grief.  As her funeral occurred over “Valentine’s Day 2013” it would seem uncanny to not take this opportunity to recognize not only my grandmother, but also my entire family, as “My Funny Valentines” this year (I’m allowed more than one Valentine, right?).

It happened at the end.  Bonding through wake after wake, and then the solidifying funeral.  There we all were, hanging out in the living room of my Uncle Joe and Aunt Sue.  My Uncle Joe’s obsession with DVR “cheese” was taking place over the television, and everyone was exhausted eating their desserts after a final meal together.  But there was one gem within his DVR madness- the song “Ho Hey” performed by the Lumineers at the most recent Grammy Award celebration.  My little niece and nephew, who were both 3 and 2 years old at the time, loved to divide the chorus between the two of them.

My 3 year old niece, belting out the words “I belong with you, you belong with me, you’re my sweetheart!”

My 2 year old nephew doing the same with, “Ho!  Hey!  Ho!  Hey!”

We all sang with them in our melancholy and gratefulness, hence that song does not play to this day without the appearance of a tear running down my face.  I love you all, my funny valentines!  And most of all, I thank you grandma, for bringing us together at the end of your life for a smashing moment of enduring love that will flourish in my heart forever.  Just remember, “I belong with you, you belong with me, you’re my sweetheart!”

In the spirit of the infinite space that resides within our hearts, I say let’s just “Rock Big Love” this week anyway, and forget about the hallmark holiday!

Dear Postal Service, Everything Has Changed!

Life Coach, , , , , , , , , ,

Okay, inspiration comes in many forms.  We just need to trust it when it comes, and feel with our heart what we are feeling with an intention of deep listening.  What do these feelings want to say?  What is this moment revealing for me in the hidden spaces of my heart?  Life moves so fast, we forget about those amazing moments where something in us is pushing the envelope of what we “think” we’re supposed to be doing or where we think we’re going in our life.

I just saw this mini documentary on the Postal Service’s tour made by the “Creators Project.”  In the beginning they were doing interviews with people outside a venue and someone made a comment that almost passed me by, but fortunately I was actually hearing him.  They said how listening to the songs on this tour of their one and only album brought him back to the memories of that time in his life,  his “angsty” high school years.  He said that some of them were good, and some of them were bad (you could tell it was difficult to experience just by the tone of his voice).  As I kept watching and feeling the music, I started experiencing the same thing that this post-angsty dude was talking about!

I fought my tears as I started thinking about when I discovered the Postal Service.  It was 2005 and I was going through a major transition in my life.  Thinking about moving out west from the only place I really knew, my home, which coincidentally was Washington DC.  As I began to process my desire to move, I went through this amazing time in my life where I really discovered myself by being alone after so many years of co-dependency.  I began to fall in love myself and what it was to just “be”.  I enjoyed every moment I had in those quiet places of my heart.

Getting ready for one of my runs!
Getting ready for one of my runs!

The album contributed to a major change in my self-perception.  Every day I would run and run around this middle school track near my house.  Rain or shine- I was out there, feeling the air, listening to the same Postal Service album, listening to my breath change with the moving minutes.  I moved to New Mexico, still listening to that same album, adjusting to a new reality where the only thing my mind had was me.  I remember during my cross-country drive with my Dad he said to me he couldn’t believe I was doing it, and asked me if I was scared.  This was a big deal for my Dad- if you knew him, you’d understand.  He didn’t grow up in a household where people talked about their feelings.  He also does not like change, and this was BIG change for his daughter, his first child, and for him.

I said I just knew that this was right, and that everything was going to work out.  I will never forget his response.  He said he wished he could be like me, and be that sure about something so big.  I will always be grateful to the Postal Service for that album, and the change it inspired in me as it helped me to learn how to love myself and trust change.  And, I will always have that memory of my Father that I will cherish and remember whenever I feel like I just don’t know.

The documentary ended with the song, Some Idealistic Future, where they sang with the audience those words that inspired so much for me, “Everything will change…ooo…ooooo”.  Yes, everything has changed, thank goodness!

directions for an empowered life

Truth or Consequences?! 3 Questions to Ask Yourself on Living an Empowered Life

Empowerment, Life Coach, Mind, Perception, Power, Self Perception, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“In the present circumstances, no one can afford to assume that someone else will solve their problems. Every individual has a responsibility to help guide our global family in the right direction. Good wishes are not sufficient; we must become actively engaged.” – The Dalai Lama, at a Universal Ed for Compassion and Wisdom Conference in Sidney earlier this year.

In my meditation this morning I heard these distinct words-

“You are not a consequence.”

The first thing I had to do was find the more direct definition for consequence, and go from there.  From Dictionary.com we get:

con·se·quence  

Noun

  1. A result or effect of an action or condition.
  2. Importance or relevance: “the past is of no consequence”.

I loved the statement the minute I heard it in my heart.  The statement oozes accountability and authenticity which are primary tenants in understanding how perception plays a role in our lives.  I have often said in my writing that it is important for us to understand how to use the mind to work for us, rather than continue the charade of allowing the ignorant mind to use our precious opportunity of life.

So where do you stand?

  1. Do you see your life as a playground of choices that you get to make every day including your own self perceptions, or do you live your life as if it were a place of consequence?
  2. Do you view life as a result or effect of an action by another?
  3. Are you and your experiences the consequence of others or of your own mind?

Lots of big questions?  I know, I can’t help it!  Something I realized this morning in this meditation as part of this statement on consequence is that my whole existence is the result of a desire to help others.  The root of my existence is not to be kept and harbored but to be shared and lived with others.

We are all a result of a desire to help others.

Years ago I was watching this episode of the show ER- I loved that show.  This one particular episode Eriq La Salle’s character, Dr. Benton, had to do some volunteer work at a mobile medical station in the middle of nowhere Louisiana.  As a black man he was experiencing racism that he hadn’t normally experience, and as an educated man he himself was behaving like a classist that did not want to be there doing this assignment.  Maybe easier said- he was pissed and angry, yet these people needed medical care.  In the end of the show he had experienced a kind of spiritual awakening, where he realized how important it was for his work as a doctor to be used as a means to help people heal- that it went deeper than his ego linked with his ignorant mind initially led on.

At the end of this episode I cried so deeply for like an hour, because in my heart I could not imagine doing anything except helping people heal and I knew it was an innate part of my existence.  We are all a result of a desire to help others.  We are all a result of the desire to love ourselves wholly and in turn love others from the most expanded part of our being.  No matter what we do in this life, we affect people and every moment is an opportunity to offer kindness.  Every little act is part of being accountable and acknowledging that we do not need to be victims of consequence, but part of a life that owns our mind and how it affects the world around us.

“LET’S ROCK BIG LOVE!”™  Jessica

Pop Song

My POP Song Dilemma

Acceptance, Boundaries, Co-dependent, Ego, Life Coach, Love, Meditation, Mind, Perception, Self Perception, self-help, , , , , , , , , , , ,

I know I have my opinions about music, but there is one thing about pop music in the present moment that drives me batty- the lyrics.  And how fitting, to see this recent “Taylor Swift feminist doppledanger” created by Clara Beyer, a rising senior at Brown University, in the news creating more empowering lyrics for Swift’s music!  After living much of my life in a co-dependent fog I can’t help but notice how often lyrics are very reflective of a co-dependent state of mind, feeding a monster within our society that says “I need you” under the guise of love.  Between the neediness and the victim mentality I seem to find myself plugging in my mp3 player almost immediately upon entering my vehicle  or being that really annoying person that keeps changing stations with the hope that something listenable will magically start playing.

The ignorant mind thrives on lyrics like “This is the part of me, That you’re never gonna ever take away from me” from Katy Perry in her song Part of Me.  I mean, no one can ever take a part of you away without your general consent- hence the continuous victim droning that plays over and over again on the radio.  Most of the listeners of Katy Perry are young girls that are buying into this fake sort of empowerment, rather than learning that relationships are not about compromising your integrity to have someone in your life.

Self-Esteem_Cartoon_Streeter

In reflecting, it is difficult for me to know that other girls really believe this stuff and continue to act it out because I used to do the same thing, and it caused me a  lot of suffering.  Not everyone has the tools to walk out of the fog of these types of limiting perceptions, and they continue to teach them to their own children, hence the cycle continues.  My meditation teacher taught me that the greatest way to help the world was to meditate on my own inner peace.  I am so grateful every day for what he taught me, and will continue to work to help all by working on the healing of my very own heart.

There is this great scene in Sex in the City, the first film, where Carrie is reading Cinderella to her goddaughter and she pauses at the end to make sure the little one understands that life does not always turn out that way.  The little girl naively shouts for her to read it again.  Carrie ends the scene with “Another one bites the dust.”  It’s funny, because it is true.

Lessons learned out of my pop song dilemma:

  • Perceptions that thrive on “me versus you” are rooted in the ignorant mind.
  • I am accountable for me and how I perceive the world- no one else.
  • I always have a choice to either accept someone else’s feelings or indulge in being a victim of their feelings.
  • My self-perceptions will always reflect in the way a relationship is unfolding- the more I shift my self-perceptions into purposeful perceptions, the more my relationships will reflect these perceptions rooted in empowerment and joy.

“LET’S ROCK BIG LOVE!”™  Jessica